Why do so many SAHMs insist on PTA or activity meetings during the school day?

[Anonymous]

I could never make the evening meetings due to kid activities. They were usually scheduled for 6pm or so, which is (by far) the most hectic period of the weekday for our family. Seriously the worst time of day imaginable to be ducking out for a school meeting? But if the meetings were later like 8-9pm or so (usually activities are completed by then, and both parents are more likely to be home from work) a lot of parents would probably think that is too late and not come. For us, meetings either right after dropoff or right before pickup would’ve made the most sense. I think our PTA did monthly meetings and they tried various times, but didn’t get a lot of attendance regardless. Usually the same group of 20ish parents plus a rotating handful of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Evening meetings are hard for everyone. No one likes them, working or SAH. Kids have sports practice, games to attend, music lessons, dinner, help with homework, and then times this by multiple kids in families.

Sometimes spouses work late or aren’t home, sometimes/and very often the case, the spouse has to take one kid somewhere while you have to take another kid somewhere. And someone needs to cook dinner as well.

Daytime meetings are more convenient for SAH parents. As where night meetings are convenient to no one. Whoever is leading the PTA gets to decide what the best schedule is for them since they are the one that is obligated to be there every time, next factor is who else will actually show up and what is the best availability for them.

This is a complete SAHM fantasy. Our elementary did 6pm meetings (with babysitting/pizza provided) and it was fine. That’s the most sensible time and nobody could object. SAHs can have the parent watch the kids or bring them to the meetings; WOHs can usually make a 6pm meeting after work with enough notice. And the truth is SAHMs have more flexible schedules so that’s why the PTA meetings don’t need to cater to them. Anyone who tried to schedule a daytime PTA meeting at our school would have been laughed out of the room.

Nobody could object? My you really do think you can speak for all.

The PTA needs to be inclusive for the whole school. Picking a meeting time that a big chunk of parents could never attend is obviously inappropriate. 6pm is indisputably a time that everyone except late-shift workers have the best chance of making. I don’t think anyone at our school would even have attempted to schedule a daytime PTA meeting - they would have been laughed out of the room.

6pm is not “indisputably” convenient for the most people just because you think it is or say it is. Lots of people (working and not working) are saying it isn’t. Your daytime conflict (your job) isn’t more important than other people’s 6pm conflicts.

I’ve been involved in the PTA for 9 years at many different schools. In the early years it was great and I developed decent relationships with other parents who volunteered. Now, the board meetings are on zoom, which I hate because it removes the whole community aspect of it. The general meetings are in person in the evenings. Very few people show up, but it definitely draws people who want to complain/influence but definitely don’t want to help/volunteer.

Yes, people’s JOBS are actually more important than your desire not to get a babysitter; a DH who is never home; or your preference not to leave the house after 3pm. Like I said at my school you’d have been laughed out of the room for suggesting daytime PTA meetings. Just would not have happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

The trick is to live in a neighborhood where there aren't many SAHMs. Our PTA meetings are at 6 pm with childcare and pizza/drinks provided.

I feel like this would only work with really little kids who don’t do much for activities yet (maybe K-1st or so). Otherwise 6pm is absolute prime time for practices/activities for elementary schoolers- soccer practice, dance class etc. Usually those are not right after school (because most parents work) yet aren’t later in the evening either (due to kid age/bedtimes)….usually they ended up being over the dinner hour

[Anonymous]

At our kids school, we found it most effective (and well attended by Parents across Different work situations – remote work from home, work in the office, stay at home parents) to have parent association meetings right after drop off. The school is located in DC so those who worked in DC could get to the office pretty quickly after and no babysitting was needed. It’s also an independent school where almost all kids are dropped off in the morning by parents (rather than by a bus), so parents are already at the school. The meetings are hybrid, in person and remote, so those who need to be at the office or home with other kids or anywhere else can login on their phones or computers and listen and participate as they are able.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

Single mom can't do night meetings.

Bring kids to the meeting …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

The trick is to live in a neighborhood where there aren't many SAHMs. Our PTA meetings are at 6 pm with childcare and pizza/drinks provided.

I feel like this would only work with really little kids who don’t do much for activities yet (maybe K-1st or so). Otherwise 6pm is absolute prime time for practices/activities for elementary schoolers- soccer practice, dance class etc. Usually those are not right after school (because most parents work) yet aren’t later in the evening either (due to kid age/bedtimes)….usually they ended up being over the dinner hour

Families often have two parents…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

I am a working mom with three children and I will say that this is the norm and while I am not on the PTA I also probably wouldn't go to a meeting at 8 pm since that would be equally inconvenient. I volunteer at my kids' school but plan to get more involved when my children are older and I have more bandwidth. I think you need to let this go.

dp This is a common misperception. At my MCPS school everyone is on the PTA whether you attend meetings or don't. Just by the fact that you are a parent and have a child at the school gives you a voice. You are free to stay on the sidelines if you wish but, again you are part of the MCPS community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

The trick is to live in a neighborhood where there aren't many SAHMs. Our PTA meetings are at 6 pm with childcare and pizza/drinks provided.

I feel like this would only work with really little kids who don’t do much for activities yet (maybe K-1st or so). Otherwise 6pm is absolute prime time for practices/activities for elementary schoolers- soccer practice, dance class etc. Usually those are not right after school (because most parents work) yet aren’t later in the evening either (due to kid age/bedtimes)….usually they ended up being over the dinner hour

Families often have two parents…

Yes we do. 2 parents and 3 kids. Zero chance either parent will be free at 6pm. We are lucky if both parents are even home from work by then- and then often juggling trying to get various kids to activities as it is. Craziest time of day at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

Single mom can't do night meetings.

Bring kids to the meeting …

Have you ever tried to get things done with kids? It does not work. This is why people don't bring their kids to work and if they do no one expects any work being done. You need babysitters but, these are all volunteers so that is a lot to ask

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the thread, but the reality is that when we held meetings at night, it didn’t increase turnout. Working parents who can’t come in the day don’t come.at night because they are busy. So might as well have the meetings when they are convenient for the people who are available. (Often SAH, but also PT and FT working parents with more flexibility).

At the high school level it’s much easier to work and be involved because the work happens outside of school and can be done anytime.

+1

The only thing that increased participation for general meetings (and somewhat leadership meetings) was having zoom as an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why won't they meet in the evenings or after the kids go to bed? Do your husband not allow it? Do you not trust them to be alone with the children? This has happened to me multiple times over the past several years where I've proposed meeting at 7pm or 8:30pm and they say they can't because it's dinner time, kids bedtime, they have so much to do. Please explain.

The trick is to live in a neighborhood where there aren't many SAHMs. Our PTA meetings are at 6 pm with childcare and pizza/drinks provided.

I feel like this would only work with really little kids who don’t do much for activities yet (maybe K-1st or so). Otherwise 6pm is absolute prime time for practices/activities for elementary schoolers- soccer practice, dance class etc. Usually those are not right after school (because most parents work) yet aren’t later in the evening either (due to kid age/bedtimes)….usually they ended up being over the dinner hour

Families often have two parents…

Yeah and they often have two kids or more that need to be in different places

[Anonymous]

The PTA shouldn’t even exist. In 2024 women shouldn’t be working for $0 for a school. The PTA takes advantage of unpaid female labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t want parents with jobs.

You can be upset about the disrespect and exclusion and your feelings will be valid.

Or

You can take it as a glorious get out of jail free card. You do not have to participate not because you were unwilling but— sigh— because you aren’t the target volunteer demographic. Do not volunteer, do not Venmo, and only go to the activities that actually appeal to you (or your kid) and don’t guilt free.

And if you’re ever — ever!— approached or guilted about it you just smile and say how glad you are that people have so much free time to donate to the (name the activity)

This. I feel entirely absolved of the guilt I once felt to be helpful. School volunteering is a SAHM show, and I scroll past anything the PTA has to say.

I find this astounding. Imagine women dismissing other women because you think you are above it all. Too bad if you scroll pass your kids may miss some activities because you are too busy being superior. Funny, if this was coming from a man we would say that's typical man dismissing a woman. But, it is really sad when women can't support other women. We are volunteering for the benefit of all the children! Even yours. A little appreication would be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the thread, but the reality is that when we held meetings at night, it didn’t increase turnout. Working parents who can’t come in the day don’t come.at night because they are busy. So might as well have the meetings when they are convenient for the people who are available. (Often SAH, but also PT and FT working parents with more flexibility).

At the high school level it’s much easier to work and be involved because the work happens outside of school and can be done anytime.

+1 the reality at our elementary school was that only SAH/PT/or parents with a lot of flexibility were involved in PTA anyway. Saw this through the years with all 3 of my kids (and I was first a SAHP and then a WOHP). I was involved when I was a SAHP and then didn’t have time after I went back to work FT (and regardless of what time the meetings were, no way did I have to extra time to spend on that anymore). I did read the meeting notes/newsletter to stay generally informed.

Also at our school there were tons of opportunities to volunteer and be involved outside of attending PTA meetings- classroom volunteer, signing up to help with special events that occurred on weekends (color run, trunk or treat) etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PTA shouldn’t even exist. In 2024 women shouldn’t be working for $0 for a school. The PTA takes advantage of unpaid female labor.

Just because you don't want to do it please don't eliminate things that try to make our world a better place. Would you also ban volunteering for other activities?