Anyone touring top schools and finding then all to be dumpy and unimpressive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a rising senior and have been doing the rounds of many top 25 schools (universities and colleges). We started with safety schools last year and then junior year grades came back so this summer we've been touring some top schools. My kid is trying to figure out an ED.
We have a rising junior as well so we have a couple of kids with us.

The more of these schools we tour, the less impressed I am. They're sort of all a bit falling apart, poorly maintained, with pretty odd students (tour guides, summer students and especially touring students alike--don't jump all over for for saying this--being brutally honest), little sense of community, same-old, same-old stuff about study-abroad, etc. Many have very large class sizes, etc.

I feel like we're (kid and parent alike) are supposed to love these schools and want to pay $90K for them and my kids can't find one they really like. I very, very, very much feel like we're being sold a product that we're supposed to want to buy because of prestige and name but when we see the product up close it doesn't look great and I feel like a sheep lining up to say "yes sir. let me put my kid through mental/emotional twister for a 5% chance of being admitted to your school and then I will gladly pay you $90K for the honor. Yes sir." It just feels... gross. Maybe not gross but yucky. My kids are like, "well I didn't really like this or that here but I could probably make it work." They too feel the pressure to LIKE these places. The Almighty XYZ or ABC school! It's supposed to be their dream!

Please don't jump on me. I know it's summer and we're not seeing the universities at their best but ugh. They're all kind of disappointing. I can't be the only one who feels this way? (I'm not going to name university/college names because then this post will turn into a giant thread about whatever school(s) I name.

To the OP it appears this is the heart of the matter: they didn’t like the schools, they are settling because of reputation. Please realize there are students who genuinely light up when they tour these places, and if they are honest with themselves, not to all places they tour. I could always tell which schools my kids loved midway through the tour but I never said anything. It is no problem if your kid has not found a fit: keep looking. Unless they toured all top25, I do not think you can write off all elite/prestigious schools because they didn’t mesh with some of them. Mine are at different ivies: one of them hated the school the other picked. They both had many they loved in the T25 and many that were “mid” or even immediately removed from the list.
Part of the wording of your post reads as though you may be dismissing them just because of cost. I hate to tell you, but almost all privates well past the t25 have the same price tag, as do LACs. If price itself is turning you off, look at the schools that provide big merit. These schools often have bells and whistles and they also cost less. Just don’t shame those of us whose children chose the ivy types and actually did light up with delight when they toured. All choices are valid.

x100
Personally, I found the facilities in the school my kid picked not suited to my taste. But I am also old and have a different set of lenses. Before we toured my child's school of choice, we had toured other schools that had nicer surrounding neighborhoods, facilities, and had higher... *dare I say it*... rankings. None of that mattered to my child and they picked what they picked because it felt right to them.

OP, at the end of the day, college choice should be what you can afford and what feels right for your child. We were college kids once, we barely even noticed the inconveniences we had because we were having the time of our lives in college.

[Anonymous]

I'm getting a sort of preemptive sour grapes kind of vibe from OP. If you think they're unimpressive in advance then you won't mind if your kid doesn't beat the odds to get in. Or you don't really want to spend the money. You're not buying buildings, you're buying the quality of education. The people doing the admissions events are marketers, not the faculty that will shape your students' education. Have your kid sit in on a class in their intended major if you want more of a sense of what matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting a sort of preemptive sour grapes kind of vibe from OP. If you think they're unimpressive in advance then you won't mind if your kid doesn't beat the odds to get in. Or you don't really want to spend the money. You're not buying buildings, you're buying the quality of education. The people doing the admissions events are marketers, not the faculty that will shape your students' education. Have your kid sit in on a class in their intended major if you want more of a sense of what matters.

OP here. I just checked in after being away from my computer for the day. No (conscious) preemptive sour grapes here. My kid has excellent stats and extracurriculars and attends a high school that sends a large number of kids to top 20 schools each year (and did particularly well in this regard in 2024). I shared my genuine impression(s) and was curious what others have thought or experienced.
Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picking a school based on thinking you'll be doing high level research as an undergrad is a mistake.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I feel like we're (kid and parent alike) are supposed to love these schools and want to pay $90K for them and my kids can't find one they really like. I very, very, very much feel like we're being sold a product that we're supposed to want to buy because of prestige and name but when we see the product up close it doesn't look great and I feel like a sheep lining up to say "yes sir. let me put my kid through mental/emotional twister for a 5% chance of being admitted to your school and then I will gladly pay you $90K for the honor. Yes sir." It just feels... gross. Maybe not gross but yucky. My kids are like, "well I didn't really like this or that here but I could probably make it work." They too feel the pressure to LIKE these places. The Almighty XYZ or ABC school! It's supposed to be their dream!

PP back to say that I teach at a selective university, and mental health is a real issue for some kids. Some of them are genuinely thrilled to be there and thrive. Others are only there due to parental or societal pressures. They feel they should aim for certain schools and struggle hard to get in. Then they get there and realize they aren't happy, this was not really their dream. You're wise to realize this now. There are so many colleges out there, so make sure you pick something that actually makes them happy.

+1

I really don’t understand the point of this post, OP.

Do you want validation that others feel the same way you do about these unidentified top-tier colleges?

Given the number of people on this board, I think it’s safe to say, YES - many people indeed agree with you (or would agree if they knew what schools you were taking about.)

I also think it’s safe to say, NO - there are many people who disagree with you (or would if you were willing to name names.)

Why? Because different people are different. Some of us value certain characteristics while others don’t care at all about those characteristics but prefer different qualities or aspects of a school.

Opinions are like belly buttons - we all have them. Your distaste for a certain school (or 20 schools) does not make you special. Many people share your opinions, and many do not.

So why not stop worrying about what we think and stay focused on listening to your kids. It’s completely fine if they are unimpressed with schools that other people love. Just move on and keep looking until you/they find other schools they like more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand people who tour schools in the summer. You aren't getting to see them other than the buildings. It's a waste.

I don’t understand tours. Just go on campus and enter buildings after people. Ask people on the quad questions. The tour guide is just a student doing their job and giving you lies about the school.

This is not possible at Columbia, Dartmouth, Yale, Penn, Princeton and many more.

We did this exact thing at Penn, Columbia, and Dartmouth. Their security isn’t crazy, just walk behind someone.

Schools tell students and employees to watch for outsiders following them into dorms and other facilities. Many are thieves or otherwise up to no good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quite frankly I don't care if the buildings are beautiful or up to date.

You should. Why are they not spending their billion dollar endowments on keeping their facilities up to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand people who tour schools in the summer. You aren't getting to see them other than the buildings. It's a waste.

I don’t understand tours. Just go on campus and enter buildings after people. Ask people on the quad questions. The tour guide is just a student doing their job and giving you lies about the school.

This is not possible at Columbia, Dartmouth, Yale, Penn, Princeton and many more.

We did this exact thing at Penn, Columbia, and Dartmouth. Their security isn’t crazy, just walk behind someone.

Schools tell students and employees to watch for outsiders following them into dorms and other facilities. Many are thieves or otherwise up to no good.

No one has ever told my child this. When we came to campus, people would just open the door for you. Maybe in a crime ridden place this is an issue, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand people who tour schools in the summer. You aren't getting to see them other than the buildings. It's a waste.

I don’t understand tours. Just go on campus and enter buildings after people. Ask people on the quad questions. The tour guide is just a student doing their job and giving you lies about the school.

This is not possible at Columbia, Dartmouth, Yale, Penn, Princeton and many more.

We did this exact thing at Penn, Columbia, and Dartmouth. Their security isn’t crazy, just walk behind someone.

Schools tell students and employees to watch for outsiders following them into dorms and other facilities. Many are thieves or otherwise up to no good.

No one has ever told my child this. When we came to campus, people would just open the door for you. Maybe in a crime ridden place this is an issue, however.

It just have slipped in during the 5 minutes you let your college student out of your sight.

Every landlord says this, everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand people who tour schools in the summer. You aren't getting to see them other than the buildings. It's a waste.

I don’t understand tours. Just go on campus and enter buildings after people. Ask people on the quad questions. The tour guide is just a student doing their job and giving you lies about the school.

This is not possible at Columbia, Dartmouth, Yale, Penn, Princeton and many more.

We did this exact thing at Penn, Columbia, and Dartmouth. Their security isn’t crazy, just walk behind someone.

Schools tell students and employees to watch for outsiders following them into dorms and other facilities. Many are thieves or otherwise up to no good.

No one has ever told my child this. When we came to campus, people would just open the door for you. Maybe in a crime ridden place this is an issue, however.

Yale, Harvard MIT, and Yale all tell students to watch for followers. Maybe schools in the boonies don't.

[Anonymous]

Almost every comment on this thread was posted last week on the same topic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I feel like we're (kid and parent alike) are supposed to love these schools and want to pay $90K for them and my kids can't find one they really like. I very, very, very much feel like we're being sold a product that we're supposed to want to buy because of prestige and name but when we see the product up close it doesn't look great and I feel like a sheep lining up to say "yes sir. let me put my kid through mental/emotional twister for a 5% chance of being admitted to your school and then I will gladly pay you $90K for the honor. Yes sir." It just feels... gross. Maybe not gross but yucky. My kids are like, "well I didn't really like this or that here but I could probably make it work." They too feel the pressure to LIKE these places. The Almighty XYZ or ABC school! It's supposed to be their dream!

PP back to say that I teach at a selective university, and mental health is a real issue for some kids. Some of them are genuinely thrilled to be there and thrive. Others are only there due to parental or societal pressures. They feel they should aim for certain schools and struggle hard to get in. Then they get there and realize they aren't happy, this was not really their dream. You're wise to realize this now. There are so many colleges out there, so make sure you pick something that actually makes them happy.

+1

I really don’t understand the point of this post, OP.

Do you want validation that others feel the same way you do about these unidentified top-tier colleges?

Given the number of people on this board, I think it’s safe to say, YES - many people indeed agree with you (or would agree if they knew what schools you were taking about.)

I also think it’s safe to say, NO - there are many people who disagree with you (or would if you were willing to name names.)

Why? Because different people are different. Some of us value certain characteristics while others don’t care at all about those characteristics but prefer different qualities or aspects of a school.

Opinions are like belly buttons - we all have them. Your distaste for a certain school (or 20 schools) does not make you special. Many people share your opinions, and many do not.

So why not stop worrying about what we think and stay focused on listening to your kids. It’s completely fine if they are unimpressed with schools that other people love. Just move on and keep looking until you/they find other schools they like more.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

welcome back.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop being snobby.

[Anonymous]

welcome back.