AITA: Wife Bought Expensive Furniture W/O My Consent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

Different poster, but that is why she didn't tell you. Nesting mothers-to-be are not in the mood for compromise. Take a look at the cost of nursery furniture in general. You'll probably see comparable prices. This furniture will probably last for all the children you choose to have and have a decent resale value once you are done with it. Unless this breaks the bank, it isn't worth the aggravation. Let it go.

OP here. I do agree that I’m more upset about her blowing the $500 limit than the purchase itself. We can afford the purchase, it’s just that she made a big deal about me spending $1200 on a glider, and set the $500 with authorization. This was in May and then now she goes and buys all of this without letting me know.

If she buys all the furniture in the house, how did you end up buying a glider for the living room? Is there any chance she was more upset about what you bought than how much it cost?

OP here. She bought 98% of the furniture when we bought this place. I let her design it and pick out what she wanted because I didn’t care much. We are both more into neutral colors.

I had a recliner that broke shortly after moving in and bought another one. I’m the only one that uses it.

She cared about the price, not the piece of furniture. It fits well with everything else in our living room.

Oh, that was nice of you. You let her spend hours thinking about your home and making the place you live pleasant and comfortable?

OP here. She wanted to. She was excited to have a place of our own where she can fully decided what paint colors, couch color, dinning room table, etc. She loved being able to purchase whatever she wanted and design the spaces.

That’s great. I wish she would come to my house and do that.
You should be super appreciative to have a spouse like this, rather than acting like a big martyr about it.

This is like having a spouse that loves to cook and saying that you are so magnanimous because you let them choose what to have for dinner every night.

That doesn’t mean that you have to be okay with blowing the budget. But it does mean that they are going to spend more than you would if you were in charge.

[Anonymous]

As a guy, I would rather drive an ice pick through my eye than be in a relationship where my spouse needed to come to me for “authorization” for spending on stuff we can afford.

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that you’ve de facto established that furnishings are her thing. So she both was annoyed at you overspending on “her” budget and also felt fine spending a ton on things she felt were needed. I think you should talk to her about the $500 limit and probably also go through Fair Play together to formalize the domains you each take care of and set a budget for them if needed that the person in charge of them gets to spend as they wish but the other person has to clear large purchases in that domain. So if you do yard stuff, your wife splurge at the nursery unless she talks to you but you can spend $6 on someone to take down a diseased tree without mentioning it to her.

[Anonymous]

I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a guy, I would rather drive an ice pick through my eye than be in a relationship where my spouse needed to come to me for “authorization” for spending on stuff we can afford.

Woman, +1. I just don’t want to live like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

OP just needs to give her preauthorization to spend $12,000 on overpriced unnecessary baby gear. Is the Larkin crib the calling card for the basic urban mom now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

I think it depends on how you’re using it. Living in the suburbs where you use your car to go most places, a cheaper stroller is fine. If you’re in the city and walking everywhere, a higher end one can be useful. Like everything else, it depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

This is why she didn’t tell you. You don’t care, but you still have a strong opinion.
Basically, this means that you want to be in charge, but you don’t want to actually put any time and effort into it.

Omg, I’ve never been able to articulate this. You nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

Hah, I was just thinking how glad I was I got mine at my shower and have no idea what it cost and haven’t had to think about it since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

OP here. I just reminded her that it was her choice to set a budget and to get authorization first. We can buy the items she wants, but after that, she needs to let me know on big purchase items.