Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe all these people who think the guests should pay for the wedding. This is the type of thing that gives Yankees a bad name in the south.

[Anonymous]

Add in pre-conceived thoughts about plus ones into the mix. Lots of guests feel they are obligated a plus one. Same with kids. I am sure everyone who hates this cover your plate concept would also say how dare you not give me a plus one or let my kids come.

As with everything, it is know your crowd. If your crowd is NY with a cover your plate culture, do it. If your crowd isn’t, then great! Dont cover your plate. If you want to save face because you care about what your host might socially think, and if you can afford it, be generous. The PP who said don’t overthink it and go $250 per head is right. Give north of $250 if you can. Again, thats per person so double up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Add in pre-conceived thoughts about plus ones into the mix. Lots of guests feel they are obligated a plus one. Same with kids. I am sure everyone who hates this cover your plate concept would also say how dare you not give me a plus one or let my kids come.

As with everything, it is know your crowd. If your crowd is NY with a cover your plate culture, do it. If your crowd isn’t, then great! Dont cover your plate. If you want to save face because you care about what your host might socially think, and if you can afford it, be generous. The PP who said don’t overthink it and go $250 per head is right. Give north of $250 if you can. Again, thats per person so double up.

$250pp? You are delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Add in pre-conceived thoughts about plus ones into the mix. Lots of guests feel they are obligated a plus one. Same with kids. I am sure everyone who hates this cover your plate concept would also say how dare you not give me a plus one or let my kids come.

As with everything, it is know your crowd. If your crowd is NY with a cover your plate culture, do it. If your crowd isn’t, then great! Dont cover your plate. If you want to save face because you care about what your host might socially think, and if you can afford it, be generous. The PP who said don’t overthink it and go $250 per head is right. Give north of $250 if you can. Again, thats per person so double up.

"Cover your plate" isn't a culture thing. It's about relationships being transactional, pure and simple. It's about calculating the cost/benefit of celebrating a life event.

Ok, so I spent $442 at Costco on appetizers and wine for Jim's party, and there were 23 guests ... but Kate is gluten-free so probably didn't eat any of the crackers, so subtract her. 22 guests. Mark and Stacey brought a $42 gift (I google'd it), which is about right for breaking even, but Diane's $12 bottle of wine leaves her $8 short on covering her plate, which is so embarrassing for her, but whatever, maybe she overpaid at that fancy liquor store. On the other hand, Carol and Jeff brought that huge floral arrangement so we probably covered our costs plus a little extra with them.

People are awful.

[Anonymous]

I got married in 2005, in a large city. Had the wedding at a historic hotel. Most common gift amount was around $50. A couple older relatives gave us $100-$200, a few people gave us gifts in the $25 range. I appreciated them all. I also was unaware of any “rules” so thought any gift was a nice.

[Anonymous]

Why not just put the cost per person on the invitation so that we are all clear on the expectations?

[Anonymous]

How much I give (if I am doing cash) has nothing to do with how fancy the wedding is. The bride and groom chose to have a crazy fancy over the top wedding, I am not giving them MORE because they paid more. Nope. I am also not giving less just because you had a simple garden ceremony with 15 people and I was prized enough to be among them.

My standard is about $150. If I don't give cash, the gift from the registry will also be around there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put the cost per person on the invitation so that we are all clear on the expectations?

+1

Make it a ticket and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe all these people who think the guests should pay for the wedding. This is the type of thing that gives Yankees a bad name in the south.

I'm a Boston Yankee and agree.

On the other hand, no one has punch, mints, and cake in the north and calls it a wedding reception.

[Anonymous]

We usually give $200-$300

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.

My Long Island Wedding in 1998 most Uncles and Aunts gave $500 to $1,000. I always give $1,000 to nieces and nephews any less is insulting.

But I almost married an Italian girl from Long Island think Growing Up Gotti. I went to family weddings wirg her in 1980-1992 and her cousins were getting $5,000 from uncles and Aunts in 1992. Her cousin cleared $500,000 at wedding in 1992.

But mind you these were fancy shindigs. I almost proposed in 1992 and she wanted a $25k engagement ring. And that is wholesale prices. She worked in Jewelry business. Her Dad was paying a $50k to 75k wedding. That’s 1992 prices.

And some weddings are big. Leonard’s of Great Neck on Long Island still in business holds 1,000. I went to a wedding there in 1990 ex girlfriend and they paid $25,000 just for band.

Flash forward to 2025 and places like Nemacolin charge up to one million to do a wedding. The Biltmore in Asheville NC is even more.

My oldest sister got married young in 1981 and $75 a person and $150 a couple was going price for guests in 1981 at a nice place on Long Island.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just put the cost per person on the invitation so that we are all clear on the expectations?

Use the internet. Look I was dead broke got married. I did a great wedding but we really pinched every nickel to afford it as paying ourselves.

The actually reception dinner itself. (No DJ, Limos, flowers) just the food and drink I paid $90 a person.

A couple giving me a $150 “gift” is actually not a gift when they are $180 worth of food and drink.

Couples can only afford weddings as some generous guests “cover their plate” plus extra to make up for deadbeats. I broke even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married in 2005, in a large city. Had the wedding at a historic hotel. Most common gift amount was around $50. A couple older relatives gave us $100-$200, a few people gave us gifts in the $25 range. I appreciated them all. I also was unaware of any “rules” so thought any gift was a nice.

I got married in 2006 with mostly DC guests. I don't think anyone gave less than $100 (some gave nothing) and even back then plenty gave $250 or $300 for a couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.

My Long Island Wedding in 1998 most Uncles and Aunts gave $500 to $1,000. I always give $1,000 to nieces and nephews any less is insulting.

But I almost married an Italian girl from Long Island think Growing Up Gotti. I went to family weddings wirg her in 1980-1992 and her cousins were getting $5,000 from uncles and Aunts in 1992. Her cousin cleared $500,000 at wedding in 1992.

But mind you these were fancy shindigs. I almost proposed in 1992 and she wanted a $25k engagement ring. And that is wholesale prices. She worked in Jewelry business. Her Dad was paying a $50k to 75k wedding. That’s 1992 prices.

And some weddings are big. Leonard’s of Great Neck on Long Island still in business holds 1,000. I went to a wedding there in 1990 ex girlfriend and they paid $25,000 just for band.

Flash forward to 2025 and places like Nemacolin charge up to one million to do a wedding. The Biltmore in Asheville NC is even more.

My oldest sister got married young in 1981 and $75 a person and $150 a couple was going price for guests in 1981 at a nice place on Long Island.

Did you really just say a nice place on Long Island?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.

My Long Island Wedding in 1998 most Uncles and Aunts gave $500 to $1,000. I always give $1,000 to nieces and nephews any less is insulting.

But I almost married an Italian girl from Long Island think Growing Up Gotti. I went to family weddings wirg her in 1980-1992 and her cousins were getting $5,000 from uncles and Aunts in 1992. Her cousin cleared $500,000 at wedding in 1992.

But mind you these were fancy shindigs. I almost proposed in 1992 and she wanted a $25k engagement ring. And that is wholesale prices. She worked in Jewelry business. Her Dad was paying a $50k to 75k wedding. That’s 1992 prices.

And some weddings are big. Leonard’s of Great Neck on Long Island still in business holds 1,000. I went to a wedding there in 1990 ex girlfriend and they paid $25,000 just for band.

Flash forward to 2025 and places like Nemacolin charge up to one million to do a wedding. The Biltmore in Asheville NC is even more.

My oldest sister got married young in 1981 and $75 a person and $150 a couple was going price for guests in 1981 at a nice place on Long Island.

So, you basically just conjured up the wedding scene from Goodfellas. Believe me, if I felt like I had to attend Connie Corleone's wedding, I would hand her a giant wad of cash.

However, let's just say even the LI friends I know from Oyster Bay don't have weddings or guest expectations anywhere approximating this.