Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

That is the WORST thing in world. Horrible. Everyone know no gifts is a Thirst Trap.

My brother did this his big 50 birthday party. Had it a big fancy country club on a Saturday Evening. Full open bar, full sit down dinner, DJ and Dance Floor. Invited my whole family

He put on invitations NO GIFTs in big letters. I said to wife guess he wants no presents. My wife goes sounds like a trick. So wife makes me get a $200 dollar gift card, we put it in a nice gift bag and wife goes it it is a trap we can just write a note and give it to him.

So we get there. There is a Table up front and people are putting gifts and stuff on it. Then my brother in a Faux surprise in his thank you for coming speech on the DJ Microphone brings up I said no gifts, but for all the people who brought gifts thank you so much such a surprise and greatly appreciated.

If not for my wife I would have been bulldozed.

People are now getting married later in life. When I was married my wife and I paid our own wedding. I think after all said and done we had $3,000 in the bank day before wedding. Was a long time ago but all in cost me around $130 a person if you count my limo, flowers, photography on top of reception. I only made $55,000 a year at the time.

I have a few rich relatives. My Uncle makes around $500,000 a year and my older brother was making $200,000 a year and my wife has a rich Uncle and I had a few cousins well off. I was struggling.

I know a wedding is not a money maker. But with taxes and tip the meal alone was $100 a person. My $500,000 year uncle ate steak, has appetizers, salad, full cocktail hour with heavy food and buffet, then cakes and after dinner drinks. if he went out to his favorite restaurant with his wife that would easily cost him $500 and he does that all the time. Why would he show up at his poor nephews wedding and not at least cover his plate?

Lol. Nice try, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a joke? This is extremely cheap.

....to the $25 poster

I still remember my husband’s well off aunt uncle and 3 adult kids bringing two wrapped boxes to the wedding. They were the only ones that brought and made a big show of giving it to us in front of people at the reception to make us schlep it back to the hotel. What was in it? 4 pottery barn wine glasses total.

That would have been embarrassing and a reflection of their lack of etiquette. It is expected that any gifts be sent to the brides home. Cards with checks are fine to hand to the groom.

No it isn't. Gifts may be sent to the bride's home. They can also be brought to the wedding, and, depending on one's culture, often are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

That is the WORST thing in world. Horrible. Everyone know no gifts is a Thirst Trap.

My brother did this his big 50 birthday party. Had it a big fancy country club on a Saturday Evening. Full open bar, full sit down dinner, DJ and Dance Floor. Invited my whole family

He put on invitations NO GIFTs in big letters. I said to wife guess he wants no presents. My wife goes sounds like a trick. So wife makes me get a $200 dollar gift card, we put it in a nice gift bag and wife goes it it is a trap we can just write a note and give it to him.

So we get there. There is a Table up front and people are putting gifts and stuff on it. Then my brother in a Faux surprise in his thank you for coming speech on the DJ Microphone brings up I said no gifts, but for all the people who brought gifts thank you so much such a surprise and greatly appreciated.

If not for my wife I would have been bulldozed.

People are now getting married later in life. When I was married my wife and I paid our own wedding. I think after all said and done we had $3,000 in the bank day before wedding. Was a long time ago but all in cost me around $130 a person if you count my limo, flowers, photography on top of reception. I only made $55,000 a year at the time.

I have a few rich relatives. My Uncle makes around $500,000 a year and my older brother was making $200,000 a year and my wife has a rich Uncle and I had a few cousins well off. I was struggling.

I know a wedding is not a money maker. But with taxes and tip the meal alone was $100 a person. My $500,000 year uncle ate steak, has appetizers, salad, full cocktail hour with heavy food and buffet, then cakes and after dinner drinks. if he went out to his favorite restaurant with his wife that would easily cost him $500 and he does that all the time. Why would he show up at his poor nephews wedding and not at least cover his plate?

I take people at their word. Our wealthy friends also explicitly stated no gifts for the husband's 60th. We bought a card and placed it on the table where others had brought card and gifts. I did not feel bad because those people who brought gifts clearly went against the couple's wishes. That was gauche of your brother to thank the gift givers in his speech.

No, it wasn't. You have to thank people for gifts, whether you wanted them or not. And during the speech was the easiest time to do it, if there were a lot of them.

[Anonymous]

https://rebeccaouphotography.com/a-romantic-and-dreamy-oheka-castle-wedding/

Castle Oheka on Long Island a fancy wedding is $350 a person plus a $22,000 site rental fee.

Plus if you get a band there is that cost. I went to a wedding their once and the Band/DJ/MC I heard cost $40,000. Was 300 guests
Food $122,500
Rental $22,000
Entertainment $40,000

So $184,000. Now if you add in Tips, Tax and Limos and Flowers you are at $200,000.

Nemaclolin in PA the fancy resort charges up to One Million for a wedding. And some people pay one million for the entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a joke? This is extremely cheap.

....to the $25 poster

I still remember my husband’s well off aunt uncle and 3 adult kids bringing two wrapped boxes to the wedding. They were the only ones that brought and made a big show of giving it to us in front of people at the reception to make us schlep it back to the hotel. What was in it? 4 pottery barn wine glasses total.

That would have been embarrassing and a reflection of their lack of etiquette. It is expected that any gifts be sent to the brides home. Cards with checks are fine to hand to the groom.

No it isn't. Gifts may be sent to the bride's home. They can also be brought to the wedding, and, depending on one's culture, often are.

Relax, if majority of guests are from your culture or a lower SES, they won’t notice.

[Anonymous]

If you are throwing a wedding where you expect everyone to cover their plate, you should not be having such an expensive wedding. Weddings are getting more and more tasteless affairs.

Might as well drag out customs like having the bride’s family pay for the whole thing to pay for the upkeep of their daughter. Or have the groom pay the bride’s family to buy her since they are being deprived of a domestic worker.

Invite people because their presence and not presents are important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

That is the WORST thing in world. Horrible. Everyone know no gifts is a Thirst Trap.

My brother did this his big 50 birthday party. Had it a big fancy country club on a Saturday Evening. Full open bar, full sit down dinner, DJ and Dance Floor. Invited my whole family

He put on invitations NO GIFTs in big letters. I said to wife guess he wants no presents. My wife goes sounds like a trick. So wife makes me get a $200 dollar gift card, we put it in a nice gift bag and wife goes it it is a trap we can just write a note and give it to him.

So we get there. There is a Table up front and people are putting gifts and stuff on it. Then my brother in a Faux surprise in his thank you for coming speech on the DJ Microphone brings up I said no gifts, but for all the people who brought gifts thank you so much such a surprise and greatly appreciated.

If not for my wife I would have been bulldozed.

People are now getting married later in life. When I was married my wife and I paid our own wedding. I think after all said and done we had $3,000 in the bank day before wedding. Was a long time ago but all in cost me around $130 a person if you count my limo, flowers, photography on top of reception. I only made $55,000 a year at the time.

I have a few rich relatives. My Uncle makes around $500,000 a year and my older brother was making $200,000 a year and my wife has a rich Uncle and I had a few cousins well off. I was struggling.

I know a wedding is not a money maker. But with taxes and tip the meal alone was $100 a person. My $500,000 year uncle ate steak, has appetizers, salad, full cocktail hour with heavy food and buffet, then cakes and after dinner drinks. if he went out to his favorite restaurant with his wife that would easily cost him $500 and he does that all the time. Why would he show up at his poor nephews wedding and not at least cover his plate?

I take people at their word. Our wealthy friends also explicitly stated no gifts for the husband's 60th. We bought a card and placed it on the table where others had brought card and gifts. I did not feel bad because those people who brought gifts clearly went against the couple's wishes. That was gauche of your brother to thank the gift givers in his speech.

No, it wasn't. You have to thank people for gifts, whether you wanted them or not. And during the speech was the easiest time to do it, if there were a lot of them.

Yes it was. You thank your guests for attending, not for their gifts. I’ve never heard a bride or groom or guest of honor thank people for their gifts. You can thank them for their gifts with a card or call after the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a joke? This is extremely cheap.

....to the $25 poster

I still remember my husband’s well off aunt uncle and 3 adult kids bringing two wrapped boxes to the wedding. They were the only ones that brought and made a big show of giving it to us in front of people at the reception to make us schlep it back to the hotel. What was in it? 4 pottery barn wine glasses total.

That would have been embarrassing and a reflection of their lack of etiquette. It is expected that any gifts be sent to the brides home. Cards with checks are fine to hand to the groom.

No it isn't. Gifts may be sent to the bride's home. They can also be brought to the wedding, and, depending on one's culture, often are.

Relax, if majority of guests are from your culture or a lower SES, they won’t notice.

What -- "lower SES"? You think people who make less money "won't notice" etiquette? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m planning my wedding for next year. I don’t expect any gifts. If I invited you, your presence is the gift already. Anything else is gravy

That is the WORST thing in world. Horrible. Everyone know no gifts is a Thirst Trap.

My brother did this his big 50 birthday party. Had it a big fancy country club on a Saturday Evening. Full open bar, full sit down dinner, DJ and Dance Floor. Invited my whole family

He put on invitations NO GIFTs in big letters. I said to wife guess he wants no presents. My wife goes sounds like a trick. So wife makes me get a $200 dollar gift card, we put it in a nice gift bag and wife goes it it is a trap we can just write a note and give it to him.

So we get there. There is a Table up front and people are putting gifts and stuff on it. Then my brother in a Faux surprise in his thank you for coming speech on the DJ Microphone brings up I said no gifts, but for all the people who brought gifts thank you so much such a surprise and greatly appreciated.

If not for my wife I would have been bulldozed.

People are now getting married later in life. When I was married my wife and I paid our own wedding. I think after all said and done we had $3,000 in the bank day before wedding. Was a long time ago but all in cost me around $130 a person if you count my limo, flowers, photography on top of reception. I only made $55,000 a year at the time.

I have a few rich relatives. My Uncle makes around $500,000 a year and my older brother was making $200,000 a year and my wife has a rich Uncle and I had a few cousins well off. I was struggling.

I know a wedding is not a money maker. But with taxes and tip the meal alone was $100 a person. My $500,000 year uncle ate steak, has appetizers, salad, full cocktail hour with heavy food and buffet, then cakes and after dinner drinks. if he went out to his favorite restaurant with his wife that would easily cost him $500 and he does that all the time. Why would he show up at his poor nephews wedding and not at least cover his plate?

I take people at their word. Our wealthy friends also explicitly stated no gifts for the husband's 60th. We bought a card and placed it on the table where others had brought card and gifts. I did not feel bad because those people who brought gifts clearly went against the couple's wishes. That was gauche of your brother to thank the gift givers in his speech.

No, it wasn't. You have to thank people for gifts, whether you wanted them or not. And during the speech was the easiest time to do it, if there were a lot of them.

Yes it was. You thank your guests for attending, not for their gifts. I’ve never heard a bride or groom or guest of honor thank people for their gifts. You can thank them for their gifts with a card or call after the party.

They were caught off guard because the invite said no gifts. It was awkward. But it was also fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://rebeccaouphotography.com/a-romantic-and-dreamy-oheka-castle-wedding/

Castle Oheka on Long Island a fancy wedding is $350 a person plus a $22,000 site rental fee.

Plus if you get a band there is that cost. I went to a wedding their once and the Band/DJ/MC I heard cost $40,000. Was 300 guests
Food $122,500
Rental $22,000
Entertainment $40,000

So $184,000. Now if you add in Tips, Tax and Limos and Flowers you are at $200,000.

Nemaclolin in PA the fancy resort charges up to One Million for a wedding. And some people pay one million for the entertainment.

They got ripped off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.

Doing that is seen as basically the equivalent of leaving a penny for a tip at a restaurant.

But he didn't attend the wedding so the nephew got $100 without paying anything for pp to attend.

That is still cheap, $200 is what I give if not attending in NYC.

It’s not cheap to give a gift for an event you’re not attending. It’s generous. You’re being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).

So the goal is to turn a profit?

Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.

"covers barely anything" - so it's an entrance fee?

Some people do a simple wedding in their backyard, or at City Hall. People who want more than that can spend the money for a big party, of course. The cost is on them, not their guests (who are not "guests" at all if they are expected to "cover" costs).

+1 The "cover your plate" concept is so tacky. The first time I heard it was from someone who grew up in MD. He told the guy at the registry store that he wanted to cover his plate. The guy bristled and told him there's no need for that.

DH and I threw an expensive wedding and had no intention of foisting the costs onto our guests. After reading this thread, I hope no one felt like they had to spend more on a gift just because we chose to spend more on the wedding. I'm from the South and was raised that the host always pays for the party without any expectations for gifts. Never any cash bars and we pay for everyone if we throw a dinner party at a restaurant.

We give gifts based on how close we are to the couple. I don't care if it's a black tie event for 200 people or BBQ in the backyard for 25 people. I'd actually feel more honored to be selected as someone's top 25 people than some third cousin who I barely know, but I'd be grateful to be invited to either wedding.

You were raised well. We also had no expectation for gifts. We paid for everything ourselves. We did have a registry with a range of prices (mom insisted so that people wouldn’t hound us/hee about what we needed or wanted or liked). It had maybe 50 items. I know people said it was short, but it had nothing on it that we weren’t planning to buy if no one did. We are not rich but we budgeted for what we could afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.

Doing that is seen as basically the equivalent of leaving a penny for a tip at a restaurant.

But he didn't attend the wedding so the nephew got $100 without paying anything for pp to attend.

That is still cheap, $200 is what I give if not attending in NYC.

It’s not cheap to give a gift for an event you’re not attending. It’s generous. You’re being ridiculous.

Agree. There are a lot of bullies out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a joke? This is extremely cheap.

....to the $25 poster

I still remember my husband’s well off aunt uncle and 3 adult kids bringing two wrapped boxes to the wedding. They were the only ones that brought and made a big show of giving it to us in front of people at the reception to make us schlep it back to the hotel. What was in it? 4 pottery barn wine glasses total.

That would have been embarrassing and a reflection of their lack of etiquette. It is expected that any gifts be sent to the brides home. Cards with checks are fine to hand to the groom.

No it isn't. Gifts may be sent to the bride's home. They can also be brought to the wedding, and, depending on one's culture, often are.

Relax, if majority of guests are from your culture or a lower SES, they won’t notice.

What -- "lower SES"? You think people who make less money "won't notice" etiquette? WTF?

SES is not just income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.

Doing that is seen as basically the equivalent of leaving a penny for a tip at a restaurant.

But he didn't attend the wedding so the nephew got $100 without paying anything for pp to attend.

That is still cheap, $200 is what I give if not attending in NYC.

It’s not cheap to give a gift for an event you’re not attending. It’s generous. You’re being ridiculous.

Agree. There are a lot of bullies out there.

Greedy bullies.