Teen boy, 17, no interest in a girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's waiting for college. There aren't many smart girls at his high school who are available and drama-free. And he doesn't want to be tied to someone who might choose a different university.

He's actually pretty tired of hearing about other people's sex life and relationship issues. His friends aren't convincing him by example that high school relationships are worth it.

I was pretty desperate to start dating in high school to prove to myself that I was pretty enough and attractive enough. That got me 2.5 years of learning "what not to do in a relationship" with a Mr. Wrong. If I could do it over, I would have skipped my first two boyfriends. I could have used a village matchmaker!

You know ALL the girls in his high school so you can confidently state that they are ALL aren't "smart" or drama free? Oh right, " who are available" So in your eyes ( and his) that is only a small percentage?

Wow, your attitude towards girls has rubbed off on your son..."congrats?" I feel sorry for any future women in his life

Small school in MC neighborhood in flyover country. Very different from DMV. Yes, I have a pretty good knowledge of the girls in the top 10% of the class, because that's only about 20 girls and they are in all the same classes and ECs as my kid. And we've been in the district K-12 and I'm an active parent with the ECs. Most of those girls are dating up (going steady with college guys from class ahead). Some publicly identify as gay. My son has plenty of female friends and a platonic girl friend date to prom. He's just not looking to swashbuckle into the middle of anybody's relationship or sit waiting for a breakup so he can go on a few slightly more real dates before college. We don't need your sarcastic fake pity. Why don't you answer OP's question instead of attacking me?

If there are any bad girl geniuses or smart girls who aren't in honors classes in the district, they're probably not looking for a square like my kid, lol.

I thought the term flyover was an insult. Is this how you want to refer your home?

PP. "I kid because I love". I choose to be here and escaped DMV, but I can't resist parenting toxicity so I come to DCUM for small doses.

Flyover quickly explains that I don't live anywhere near most of you and your giant top-in-the-US public schools and elite private schools with politicians' kids. I'm a "W Cluster" escapee.

Most of the people I know locally wouldn't spend two minutes on a site like this. It wouldn't be relatable at all.

I am jealous and also want to escape the DC area to somewhere sane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like mine. Lots of friends , athletic, social, has a super cute date lined up for prom, but aside from a couple week thing last summer no gf and I don’t sense much interest. My dd in the other hand had gone through crushes, dating, heartbreak and reconnecting with said heartbreaker by same age

Why bother?

Boys this age in 2024 have phones. They consume social media daily, often for hours.

Social media provides friends. Social media is their companionship.

And boys are constantly warned about their toxic masculinity; how they are part of “rape culture,” merely because they have a penis.

What sane boy on social media in 2024 would WANT to have a girlfriend? (answer: few to none).

#boymom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

A friend’s son in MS was accused in school of “assault” by a girl because he touched her upper arm once while they were having a conversation in the lunchroom.

The girl went to a teacher and explained she had not consented to having her upper arm briefly touched, and per the recent consent training, didn’t that count as a sexual assault? The whole thing blew up at school; parents called, etc.

But the real damage followed when the kids went wild on social media on their phones, and they really did a number on the boy and his reputation. Good luck recovering from that.

This also happened to a girl my son is good friends with. A boy made up a story she “assaulted” him by trying to kiss him even though multiple people said there was no attempt of a kiss and it never happened. But gossip and social media went rampant and she was deemed a rapist by the end of the week. Luckily a few of his friends came forward and he retracted everything and was also given harassment/bully forms in school and juvenile charges as stalked her and was charges were pressed. But she kept quiet while going the police route and her reputation never recovered. It’s “fun” to create gossip and stories.

So it happens to both sides. It’s not just boys getting accused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son just wasn’t interested in any of the girls at his high school—he’d know a lot of them since elementary. Found a great girlfriend freshman year of college.

There are a ton more kids in a high school than one elementary school lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

I don't know about you but some boys have been known to pressure girls to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes it is hard to stand up especiallt when you started something but they push it.

I’ve always found this so insulting. Females are meek little creatures incapable of making their wishes known.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's waiting for college. There aren't many smart girls at his high school who are available and drama-free. And he doesn't want to be tied to someone who might choose a different university.

He's actually pretty tired of hearing about other people's sex life and relationship issues. His friends aren't convincing him by example that high school relationships are worth it.

I was pretty desperate to start dating in high school to prove to myself that I was pretty enough and attractive enough. That got me 2.5 years of learning "what not to do in a relationship" with a Mr. Wrong. If I could do it over, I would have skipped my first two boyfriends. I could have used a village matchmaker!

You know ALL the girls in his high school so you can confidently state that they are ALL aren't "smart" or drama free? Oh right, " who are available" So in your eyes ( and his) that is only a small percentage?

Wow, your attitude towards girls has rubbed off on your son..."congrats?" I feel sorry for any future women in his life

Small school in MC neighborhood in flyover country. Very different from DMV. Yes, I have a pretty good knowledge of the girls in the top 10% of the class, because that's only about 20 girls and they are in all the same classes and ECs as my kid. And we've been in the district K-12 and I'm an active parent with the ECs. Most of those girls are dating up (going steady with college guys from class ahead). Some publicly identify as gay. My son has plenty of female friends and a platonic girl friend date to prom. He's just not looking to swashbuckle into the middle of anybody's relationship or sit waiting for a breakup so he can go on a few slightly more real dates before college. We don't need your sarcastic fake pity. Why don't you answer OP's question instead of attacking me?

If there are any bad girl geniuses or smart girls who aren't in honors classes in the district, they're probably not looking for a square like my kid, lol.

I thought the term flyover was an insult. Is this how you want to refer your home?

PP. "I kid because I love". I choose to be here and escaped DMV, but I can't resist parenting toxicity so I come to DCUM for small doses.

Flyover quickly explains that I don't live anywhere near most of you and your giant top-in-the-US public schools and elite private schools with politicians' kids. I'm a "W Cluster" escapee.

Most of the people I know locally wouldn't spend two minutes on a site like this. It wouldn't be relatable at all.

I live in an area in the DC that is far from the "W" schools and do not engage in a parenting toxicity. So, you are not describing my experience nor my neighbors. You may not live her but, you still sound very toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

I don't know about you but some boys have been known to pressure girls to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes it is hard to stand up especiallt when you started something but they push it.

I’ve always found this so insulting. Females are meek little creatures incapable of making their wishes known.

Ok you may find it insulting but, girls can be pressured becasue they are taught to "be nice" and "get along" and "do what the boy wants" It is fact then and now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

A friend’s son in MS was accused in school of “assault” by a girl because he touched her upper arm once while they were having a conversation in the lunchroom.

The girl went to a teacher and explained she had not consented to having her upper arm briefly touched, and per the recent consent training, didn’t that count as a sexual assault? The whole thing blew up at school; parents called, etc.

But the real damage followed when the kids went wild on social media on their phones, and they really did a number on the boy and his reputation. Good luck recovering from that.

This also happened to a girl my son is good friends with. A boy made up a story she “assaulted” him by trying to kiss him even though multiple people said there was no attempt of a kiss and it never happened. But gossip and social media went rampant and she was deemed a rapist by the end of the week. Luckily a few of his friends came forward and he retracted everything and was also given harassment/bully forms in school and juvenile charges as stalked her and was charges were pressed. But she kept quiet while going the police route and her reputation never recovered. It’s “fun” to create gossip and stories.

So it happens to both sides. It’s not just boys getting accused.

In the first instance the boy did touch her. Granted you all can shrug it off but, it is different than the second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

I don't know about you but some boys have been known to pressure girls to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes it is hard to stand up especiallt when you started something but they push it.

I’ve always found this so insulting. Females are meek little creatures incapable of making their wishes known.

Ok you may find it insulting but, girls can be pressured becasue they are taught to "be nice" and "get along" and "do what the boy wants" It is fact then and now.

Be a parent then. It’s way past time to leave this back in time where this belongs. What perpetuating stereotypes. Are girls not good in math either?

Who is taught to be “nice” and “get along?” I call bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

I don't know about you but some boys have been known to pressure girls to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes it is hard to stand up especiallt when you started something but they push it.

I’ve always found this so insulting. Females are meek little creatures incapable of making their wishes known.

Ok you may find it insulting but, girls can be pressured becasue they are taught to "be nice" and "get along" and "do what the boy wants" It is fact then and now.

Be a parent then. It’s way past time to leave this back in time where this belongs. What perpetuating stereotypes. Are girls not good in math either?

Who is taught to be “nice” and “get along?” I call bs.

Then maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be a girl feeling pressured a popular or older guy. It still happens whether you believe it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

I don't know about you but some boys have been known to pressure girls to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes it is hard to stand up especiallt when you started something but they push it.

I’ve always found this so insulting. Females are meek little creatures incapable of making their wishes known.

Ok you may find it insulting but, girls can be pressured becasue they are taught to "be nice" and "get along" and "do what the boy wants" It is fact then and now.

Be a parent then. It’s way past time to leave this back in time where this belongs. What perpetuating stereotypes. Are girls not good in math either?

Who is taught to be “nice” and “get along?” I call bs.

Then maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be a girl feeling pressured a popular or older guy. It still happens whether you believe it or not.

I'm a woman. I was a teen girl. So we're going to go through this verbal consent dance with everyone because somewhere there may be a popular guy who is with a girl who may feel pressured and has not learned to speak her mind? Because of all these maybes we, as a society, have to delve into this linguistic pretzel because, if she's not capable of speaking her mind, the "popular guy" asking her a question is suddenly going to enable her to speak her mind? How is this any different? What is changing here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's waiting for college. There aren't many smart girls at his high school who are available and drama-free. And he doesn't want to be tied to someone who might choose a different university.

He's actually pretty tired of hearing about other people's sex life and relationship issues. His friends aren't convincing him by example that high school relationships are worth it.

I was pretty desperate to start dating in high school to prove to myself that I was pretty enough and attractive enough. That got me 2.5 years of learning "what not to do in a relationship" with a Mr. Wrong. If I could do it over, I would have skipped my first two boyfriends. I could have used a village matchmaker!

You know ALL the girls in his high school so you can confidently state that they are ALL aren't "smart" or drama free? Oh right, " who are available" So in your eyes ( and his) that is only a small percentage?

Wow, your attitude towards girls has rubbed off on your son..."congrats?" I feel sorry for any future women in his life

Small school in MC neighborhood in flyover country. Very different from DMV. Yes, I have a pretty good knowledge of the girls in the top 10% of the class, because that's only about 20 girls and they are in all the same classes and ECs as my kid. And we've been in the district K-12 and I'm an active parent with the ECs. Most of those girls are dating up (going steady with college guys from class ahead). Some publicly identify as gay. My son has plenty of female friends and a platonic girl friend date to prom. He's just not looking to swashbuckle into the middle of anybody's relationship or sit waiting for a breakup so he can go on a few slightly more real dates before college. We don't need your sarcastic fake pity. Why don't you answer OP's question instead of attacking me?

If there are any bad girl geniuses or smart girls who aren't in honors classes in the district, they're probably not looking for a square like my kid, lol.

I thought the term flyover was an insult. Is this how you want to refer your home?

PP. "I kid because I love". I choose to be here and escaped DMV, but I can't resist parenting toxicity so I come to DCUM for small doses.

Flyover quickly explains that I don't live anywhere near most of you and your giant top-in-the-US public schools and elite private schools with politicians' kids. I'm a "W Cluster" escapee.

Most of the people I know locally wouldn't spend two minutes on a site like this. It wouldn't be relatable at all.

I live in an area in the DC that is far from the "W" schools and do not engage in a parenting toxicity. So, you are not describing my experience nor my neighbors. You may not live her but, you still sound very toxic.

Thanks for taking part of your day to call me out. It's very sweet of you to make my point for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

A friend’s son in MS was accused in school of “assault” by a girl because he touched her upper arm once while they were having a conversation in the lunchroom.

The girl went to a teacher and explained she had not consented to having her upper arm briefly touched, and per the recent consent training, didn’t that count as a sexual assault? The whole thing blew up at school; parents called, etc.

But the real damage followed when the kids went wild on social media on their phones, and they really did a number on the boy and his reputation. Good luck recovering from that.

This also happened to a girl my son is good friends with. A boy made up a story she “assaulted” him by trying to kiss him even though multiple people said there was no attempt of a kiss and it never happened. But gossip and social media went rampant and she was deemed a rapist by the end of the week. Luckily a few of his friends came forward and he retracted everything and was also given harassment/bully forms in school and juvenile charges as stalked her and was charges were pressed. But she kept quiet while going the police route and her reputation never recovered. It’s “fun” to create gossip and stories.

So it happens to both sides. It’s not just boys getting accused.

In the first instance the boy did touch her. Granted you all can shrug it off but, it is different than the second.

A boy touching a girl’s arm is NOT assault. Tweens/Teens throw this word around like candy.

[Anonymous]

I mean, YMMV but it seems like it is becoming more and more common for boys to be uninterested in dating/romance or even hookups.

I’m not sure if it has more to do with the messaging and emphasis on consent where they may be somewhat… for lack of a better word.. “scared”. If it has to do with being “content” with the massive amount and easy availability of pr0n, or if it’s because social media gives a comparable dopamine rush. But I think it’s a combination of these things.

As a side note, I also find it interesting that despite being such a liberal and open minded generation— they are very prudish. Like someone else mentioned they recoil at the slightest of age gaps that a generation or two ago was barely more than eyebrow raising—if that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

A friend’s son in MS was accused in school of “assault” by a girl because he touched her upper arm once while they were having a conversation in the lunchroom.

The girl went to a teacher and explained she had not consented to having her upper arm briefly touched, and per the recent consent training, didn’t that count as a sexual assault? The whole thing blew up at school; parents called, etc.

But the real damage followed when the kids went wild on social media on their phones, and they really did a number on the boy and his reputation. Good luck recovering from that.

This also happened to a girl my son is good friends with. A boy made up a story she “assaulted” him by trying to kiss him even though multiple people said there was no attempt of a kiss and it never happened. But gossip and social media went rampant and she was deemed a rapist by the end of the week. Luckily a few of his friends came forward and he retracted everything and was also given harassment/bully forms in school and juvenile charges as stalked her and was charges were pressed. But she kept quiet while going the police route and her reputation never recovered. It’s “fun” to create gossip and stories.

So it happens to both sides. It’s not just boys getting accused.

In the first instance the boy did touch her. Granted you all can shrug it off but, it is different than the second.

A boy touching a girl’s arm is NOT assault. Tweens/Teens throw this word around like candy.

They also throw around the term “groomer”. Sounds like a Fox news program sometimes. Except they’re not talking about LGBTQ people. They use it when talking about the slightest age gap. 19 yo dating a 17 yo? The 19 yo is a groomer according to them. It is a very odd view.