Teen boy, 17, no interest in a girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has p0rn access, this is the new normal.

I'm not sure agree. Access to porn only made me want the real thing more when I was that age.

This isn’t the case anymore!! Porn is so accessible and over the top overstimulating that the real thing will never substitute it.

That said, OP, if this were my son I’d be overjoyed. This was my sweet husband, he was shy and didn’t realize what a catch he was, went in his first date around 17, a few more dates in college, then I was lucky enough to be his last first date and, similarly, I had only had two boyfriends by that time as well. Not everyone needs to date around. We’ve been together 25 years and have 2 children ❤️

[Anonymous]

Geez, stop asking. I was having sex with my boyfriend and my mom asked me while I was driving if I was a virgin. I almost ran off the road.

[Anonymous]

My DH was a super late bloomer in this regard. He wasn’t interested in a girlfriend until he was over 18.

My DS is 15 and appears to be on the same track. Meanwhile, our neighbor’s kid has had a steady girlfriend at 14. Developmental differences, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

My son just wasn’t interested in any of the girls at his high school—he’d know a lot of them since elementary. Found a great girlfriend freshman year of college.

[Anonymous]

OP, it could be that if your personal experience growing up was different from your son, you may not realize that that there were a ton of people back then who took romance at the same pace your son is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like most of the boys we know at that age, OP. My sons go to a single-sex HS though. No sisters either. Senior and sophomore.

They get set up on dates for the dances, but no girlfriends. Don’t seem to care.

They both play a time-consuming sport and have tough schedules/work loads. Frankly, I’m glad not have the drama.

+1 same

The Covid effect was real for my Senior too. They got sent home 2nd half of 8th grade and missed Freshmen year. Those are leak social development years with the opposite sex.

I see a distinct innocence and difference from that class and my son thar is 2 years behind him in age.

[Anonymous]

People’s definition of “late bloomer” is both wild and not a little gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like most of the boys we know at that age, OP. My sons go to a single-sex HS though. No sisters either. Senior and sophomore.

They get set up on dates for the dances, but no girlfriends. Don’t seem to care.

They both play a time-consuming sport and have tough schedules/work loads. Frankly, I’m glad not have the drama.

I'm one of the previous posters and my son is at a single sex high school as well. Between sports and a heavy school schedule he barely has time to breathe. He does go to school dances with girls. But no dating or apparent interest in dating.

I would think it's odd but my friend's son had the same experience at another all-boys school. he didn't date (at all) in high school. Went to college and now (3 years later) has had 2 girlfriends and a ton of dates.

The single-sex thing definitely impacts dating. Even if your son happens to have exposure to girls outside of school, it's not the same thing as being side-by-side with girls at lunch, in class, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's waiting for college. There aren't many smart girls at his high school who are available and drama-free. And he doesn't want to be tied to someone who might choose a different university.

He's actually pretty tired of hearing about other people's sex life and relationship issues. His friends aren't convincing him by example that high school relationships are worth it.

I was pretty desperate to start dating in high school to prove to myself that I was pretty enough and attractive enough. That got me 2.5 years of learning "what not to do in a relationship" with a Mr. Wrong. If I could do it over, I would have skipped my first two boyfriends. I could have used a village matchmaker!

You know ALL the girls in his high school so you can confidently state that they are ALL aren't "smart" or drama free? Oh right, " who are available" So in your eyes ( and his) that is only a small percentage?

Wow, your attitude towards girls has rubbed off on your son..."congrats?" I feel sorry for any future women in his life

Small school in MC neighborhood in flyover country. Very different from DMV. Yes, I have a pretty good knowledge of the girls in the top 10% of the class, because that's only about 20 girls and they are in all the same classes and ECs as my kid. And we've been in the district K-12 and I'm an active parent with the ECs. Most of those girls are dating up (going steady with college guys from class ahead). Some publicly identify as gay. My son has plenty of female friends and a platonic girl friend date to prom. He's just not looking to swashbuckle into the middle of anybody's relationship or sit waiting for a breakup so he can go on a few slightly more real dates before college. We don't need your sarcastic fake pity. Why don't you answer OP's question instead of attacking me?

If there are any bad girl geniuses or smart girls who aren't in honors classes in the district, they're probably not looking for a square like my kid, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen boys do not see a future. As in no future at all.

Why on earth would they want a girlfriend ?!?

Or they do see a future. My 17 year old is headed to Annapolis next month. He knows he can't 1) risk getting a girl a pregnant and 2) that any girl he dates in high school won't be around in four years. He told me he didn't see any point in dating.

[Anonymous]

I have a teen daughter (16) who has no interest in a boyfriend. I think kids these days are just different in the way they socialize. There seems to be a lot less pairing off, and more mixed-sex friend groups. Many identify as gay, bi, trans, asexual, and I think they’re just trying to figure out their sexuality and will eventually adopt more conventional roles - or not.

I think a lot of the delayed/questioning behavior is due to the fact that they hit puberty during COVID and couldn’t socialize in person. Also, I really think kids were deeply affected by the news when they were in late elementary - misogynistic celebrities and politicians, trashy behavior from people in the news, me too, the end of Roe v Wade, etc. I think a lot of our kids are rejecting traditional gender labels as a result. They want to be individuals without being forced into certain roles.

[Anonymous]

They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has p0rn access, this is the new normal.

I'm not sure agree. Access to porn only made me want the real thing more when I was that age.

This isn’t the case anymore!! Porn is so accessible and over the top overstimulating that the real thing will never substitute it.

That said, OP, if this were my son I’d be overjoyed. This was my sweet husband, he was shy and didn’t realize what a catch he was, went in his first date around 17, a few more dates in college, then I was lucky enough to be his last first date and, similarly, I had only had two boyfriends by that time as well. Not everyone needs to date around. We’ve been together 25 years and have 2 children ❤️

DP how would you know what is over stimulating for a male? Women find porn upsetting because in 99% of it it shows a woman aggressively seeking out and having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't create problems where there are none.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen boys do not see a future. As in no future at all.

Why on earth would they want a girlfriend ?!?

Well it is bleaker for girls and women.

My girls ask why bother having a boyfriend?