DH Radio Silent On Work Travel

[Anonymous]

These trips would be stopping, or I’d decide I no longer wanted to be married. For those wondering why op “needs this info right now”, that is incredibly dismissive to her role as a wife and mom.
If your husband is responsive, then you don’t really grasp how frustrating and demeaning it is to be married to someone who just doesn’t respond and then to be minimized by people who don’t know who you are married to. Women tend to get the brunt of this “do you really need to go shopping today”? I’ve never heard a man ask that of another man and men have their toys just as much as women do. “Can’t you just decide what to sign the kid up for” “Well, I could, but we talked about baseball and soccer, both have deadlines this week, what are we doing?”
People can and do expect things from women that they don’t of men. Women are expected to in many cases work and think alone and then hope we’ve made the right decision and if our husbands don’t understand or double down on why we did whatever we did when he would have done it much differently, well, that can make you really despise being married.
I told my husband I need him to praise what I do and how I do it. I often have insight into what our kids need that he doesn’t, partly because I’m a stay-at-home mom, partly because 2 of our kids are girls.
When my husband and I were talking, I told him that I know how to be single and I know how to be married, but what I don’t know how to do and what I won’t learn how to do is be married but function like a single person. If I’m married, then I need a partner who responds to me and is proud of what I do however boring it may be. If my husband has information about something even as minor as a schedule, I’d hope he’d give enough of a crap about me to text me and say ‘It’s Tuesday” Put another way, the husband doesn’t need to drink any more then the wife needs the schedule information, and say what you will about work culture, all of are free to say “I don’t drink” or “I need to go back to the hotel and call my wife” and if they don’t, it’s not an environment where you want to work.
Also, very few men would put up with a wife handling everything at home. Think about it, would you like it if you got home, found a missing bedroom and your wife said “The kids trashed it and I couldn’t deal with it so I called a guy with a chain saw and he took care of the problem for me”. I doubt it, but well, she handled the problem the way she saw fit.
Obviously my example is silly, but women need to make decisions all the time and it can suck when you don’t have the support or even awareness of a partner who did promise to love and cherish you forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "I haven't looked at my phone for the last 5 hours while sitting in a pub" line is absolute horsesh*t and would make me suspicious as hell.

It's 2024. Literally NO ONE goes 5 hours during the day and doesn't glance at their phone. And before any SKIF nerd pedant wants to chime in, OP has already stated he is at a pub drinking.

I am a mid 40s woman. I regularly do not look at my phone for 7 hours all the time. If I am out, I don’t look at it at all. This past weekend, I did not look at it for 12 hours. 5 hours is not that long at all.

Then why even have one? You're wasting your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH travels a lot. In no way is he having an affair, but he's usually silent while gone. Maybe a text every other day. His work doesn't give him an international phone and he doesn't always have wifi/ won't pay for it at the hotel since he's rarely there. Asia is the worst because the times are so opposite ours. Once he went 3 weeks with ZERO contact while he was in Africa. That was a wtf from me though.

This is really outdated. Most hotels have free wifi now. Additionally, there are extremely cheap data plans that you can get (flexiroam, etc) which gives you internet for like a dollar a day. Pretty much anyone on business travel needs internet for some capacity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: These trips would be stopping, or I’d decide I no longer wanted to be married. For those wondering why op “needs this info right now”, that is incredibly dismissive to her role as a wife and mom.
If your husband is responsive, then you don’t really grasp how frustrating and demeaning it is to be married to someone who just doesn’t respond and then to be minimized by people who don’t know who you are married to. Women tend to get the brunt of this “do you really need to go shopping today”? I’ve never heard a man ask that of another man and men have their toys just as much as women do. “Can’t you just decide what to sign the kid up for” “Well, I could, but we talked about baseball and soccer, both have deadlines this week, what are we doing?”
People can and do expect things from women that they don’t of men. Women are expected to in many cases work and think alone and then hope we’ve made the right decision and if our husbands don’t understand or double down on why we did whatever we did when he would have done it much differently, well, that can make you really despise being married.
I told my husband I need him to praise what I do and how I do it. I often have insight into what our kids need that he doesn’t, partly because I’m a stay-at-home mom, partly because 2 of our kids are girls.
When my husband and I were talking, I told him that I know how to be single and I know how to be married, but what I don’t know how to do and what I won’t learn how to do is be married but function like a single person. If I’m married, then I need a partner who responds to me and is proud of what I do however boring it may be. If my husband has information about something even as minor as a schedule, I’d hope he’d give enough of a crap about me to text me and say ‘It’s Tuesday” Put another way, the husband doesn’t need to drink any more then the wife needs the schedule information, and say what you will about work culture, all of are free to say “I don’t drink” or “I need to go back to the hotel and call my wife” and if they don’t, it’s not an environment where you want to work.
Also, very few men would put up with a wife handling everything at home. Think about it, would you like it if you got home, found a missing bedroom and your wife said “The kids trashed it and I couldn’t deal with it so I called a guy with a chain saw and he took care of the problem for me”. I doubt it, but well, she handled the problem the way she saw fit.
Obviously my example is silly, but women need to make decisions all the time and it can suck when you don’t have the support or even awareness of a partner who did promise to love and cherish you forever.

You realize that many of the posters who you say have responded in a way that demeans mothers/wives and mothers and wives themselves? But they have the experience of also being the husband’s shoes too. There was period of time I took leave when my kids were young and I absolutely lost sense of what was urgent and what could wait. The problem is that it’s not possible to tell whether your texts or OP’s texts are urgent or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "I haven't looked at my phone for the last 5 hours while sitting in a pub" line is absolute horsesh*t and would make me suspicious as hell.

It's 2024. Literally NO ONE goes 5 hours during the day and doesn't glance at their phone. And before any SKIF nerd pedant wants to chime in, OP has already stated he is at a pub drinking.

I am a mid 40s woman. I regularly do not look at my phone for 7 hours all the time. If I am out, I don’t look at it at all. This past weekend, I did not look at it for 12 hours. 5 hours is not that long at all.

Then why even have one? You're wasting your money.

You sound addicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is probably with another woman.

I’m sorry but a change in behavior like that is a very concerning sign.

Have you mentioned this change in behavior?

I’d probably hire a PI (they have those in Edinburgh) before bringing it up. That would be money well spent. I’d bring it up if the PI didn’t see evidence of cheating, and if they do, you can decide how you want to handle it from there.

This is the problem here. Not the not calling. I think every night calls are unreasonable but texts should not be, imo. However, the fact he unilaterally changed a behavior like the nightly calls would have me raising flags.

Just ask him about it. And say you'd prefer he call (at whatever interval works for you both).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "I haven't looked at my phone for the last 5 hours while sitting in a pub" line is absolute horsesh*t and would make me suspicious as hell.

It's 2024. Literally NO ONE goes 5 hours during the day and doesn't glance at their phone. And before any SKIF nerd pedant wants to chime in, OP has already stated he is at a pub drinking.

I am a mid 40s woman. I regularly do not look at my phone for 7 hours all the time. If I am out, I don’t look at it at all. This past weekend, I did not look at it for 12 hours. 5 hours is not that long at all.

Then why even have one? You're wasting your money.

You sound addicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "I haven't looked at my phone for the last 5 hours while sitting in a pub" line is absolute horsesh*t and would make me suspicious as hell.

It's 2024. Literally NO ONE goes 5 hours during the day and doesn't glance at their phone. And before any SKIF nerd pedant wants to chime in, OP has already stated he is at a pub drinking.

I am a mid 40s woman. I regularly do not look at my phone for 7 hours all the time. If I am out, I don’t look at it at all. This past weekend, I did not look at it for 12 hours. 5 hours is not that long at all.

Then why even have one? You're wasting your money.

Your insane if you can’t go 5 hours without looking at your phone

[Anonymous]

Any update OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Above poster you are definitely not a mom. Get it together.

I am a mom; the one who can't do time-math and I'm also the one who treats work trips as vacations. I have two sn kids and work trips are a delight. I prep everything before I go, and do a massive clean up when I get back. While away, I work, take walks, eat without being interrupted. It's magical. I'm on team husband and am one apparently. Love that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP?

Another feature of the DCUM troll is to not update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "I haven't looked at my phone for the last 5 hours while sitting in a pub" line is absolute horsesh*t and would make me suspicious as hell.

It's 2024. Literally NO ONE goes 5 hours during the day and doesn't glance at their phone. And before any SKIF nerd pedant wants to chime in, OP has already stated he is at a pub drinking.

I am a mid 40s woman. I regularly do not look at my phone for 7 hours all the time. If I am out, I don’t look at it at all. This past weekend, I did not look at it for 12 hours. 5 hours is not that long at all.

Then why even have one? You're wasting your money.

Your insane if you can’t go 5 hours without looking at your phone

Or unemployed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH travels to Edinburgh for work travel about 5 days every two months. Flight out on Sunday, meetings M-W, and home Thursday night. About a month ago the people on the contract changed a bit. I've not met them. Since that point, he no longer calls before bed. In the past 4 years of doing this, he'd always call at 6ish before he turned off. That stopped.

The last two days (he is gone now) he has just gone silent and texted in the morning that he 'got caught up' at the pub. When presed by me tonight to respond (my mother is undergoing various serious health appointments and one kid is mid applications to college) he replied that he just had not looked at his phone. While at a pub. For 5 hours.

I genuinely don't think he's with another woman, but am I wrong to be .... irate... at this level of checking out?

This was my husband. Travels regularly, mostly to the UK in the last few years. Lots of drinking at pubs, which I understood. He would call me regularly to tell me he missed me, until about a year ago. Same thing, late nights, only the occasional text and not responding to mine for hours. Found out a few months ago that he's been having an emotional (mostly, some kissing) affair for the past year with a UK work colleague. The change in behavior was what made me suspicious.

[Anonymous]

With the time difference, even if he was out until 4am, he would still be able to call home at a reasonable hour.

I would find it bothersome more because of change of behavior. My Dh always calls me. If he suddenly didn’t call me, I would be concerned. Of course the one off is no big deal. It is more likely Dh just fell asleep than out drinking and passing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "I haven't looked at my phone for the last 5 hours while sitting in a pub" line is absolute horsesh*t and would make me suspicious as hell.

It's 2024. Literally NO ONE goes 5 hours during the day and doesn't glance at their phone. And before any SKIF nerd pedant wants to chime in, OP has already stated he is at a pub drinking.

I am a mid 40s woman. I regularly do not look at my phone for 7 hours all the time. If I am out, I don’t look at it at all. This past weekend, I did not look at it for 12 hours. 5 hours is not that long at all.

Then why even have one? You're wasting your money.

Your insane if you can’t go 5 hours without looking at your phone

DP here. As much as I hate how phone reliant our society is, I look at my phone. Of course if you are sleeping or having dinner but on your way to the restaurant or in the can, you can check your phone quickly.