DH Radio Silent On Work Travel

[Anonymous]

DH travels to Edinburgh for work travel about 5 days every two months. Flight out on Sunday, meetings M-W, and home Thursday night. About a month ago the people on the contract changed a bit. I've not met them. Since that point, he no longer calls before bed. In the past 4 years of doing this, he'd always call at 6ish before he turned off. That stopped.

The last two days (he is gone now) he has just gone silent and texted in the morning that he 'got caught up' at the pub. When presed by me tonight to respond (my mother is undergoing various serious health appointments and one kid is mid applications to college) he replied that he just had not looked at his phone. While at a pub. For 5 hours.

I genuinely don't think he's with another woman, but am I wrong to be .... irate... at this level of checking out?

[Anonymous]

I think "irate" is too much. Can you just flat out say "I really miss your daily 6pm check in calls while you're in Scotland - could we please reinstitute that?"

[Anonymous]

I think just ask him to schedule a check in call.

Was any of that stuff asking him to do anything, or were you just texting him updates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think just ask him to schedule a check in call.

Was any of that stuff asking him to do anything, or were you just texting him updates?

OP- yes, I need answers about schedules. I work FT too. I can't just put my life on hold while he is offline for a week.

[Anonymous]

That is crazy. I have traveled for work regularly for 20 years and I have rarely missed calling home, and if I don’t call, I always always text.

I doubt he’s with a woman because he’d probably be covering his tracks but he could actually be excessively drinking, which is just as serious an issue.

[Anonymous]

I lived in Edinburgh for a while.

He’s drinking with his work friends and going on mini-vacations.

That’s my expert opinion.

[Anonymous]

It’s a d*ck move any way you cut it. Call him out OP. “This level of disengagement doesn’t work for our family and I’m starting to feel resentful. What’s going on?”. And when he obfuscates, point out what you wrote in your OP. Contract has changed, new people, change in his behavior. Be specific and pointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is crazy. I have traveled for work regularly for 20 years and I have rarely missed calling home, and if I don’t call, I always always text.

I doubt he’s with a woman because he’d probably be covering his tracks but he could actually be excessively drinking, which is just as serious an issue.

Only on DCUM is having an affair roughly equivalent offense to drinking when on a work trip.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I am a woman who travels a lot, and I don't routinely call home anymore. I used to, but my husband and teenagers don't hold up their end of the conversation. I check in by text, but still I am the one who texts more. Truthfully I have put much more effort in being present wherever I am when I travel then checking back in at home. It feels like a much lightened load, and I understand why working parents praise work travel. I am pretty good about confirming schedule stuff and anything that needs to be confirmed, but absent an emergency, i probably wouldn't react well if someone said to me "you haven't responded to my text from 5 hours ago!"

[Anonymous]

You’re overreacting.

I’d expect sign of life every 3 days.

[Anonymous]

If I was your husband and would be very concerned about your neediness.

[Anonymous]

He’s up to something…

[Anonymous]

It’s a big change in behavior and it warrants a conversation for sure. He may just be trying to win over the new team .. and that means in the UK, getting hammered every night (I’ve lived there). Hopefully it is an ‘onboarding’ phase and passes. But it definitely worth a conversation

Fwiw I traveled a lot for work too. Every family has their norms. Some cal. Some don’t. Some text. But for everyone crucifying the OP, everyone here would be concerned if the norms suddenly changed in your house.

[Anonymous]

My DH has done a good amount of international travel. I don’t always expect him to call, but definitely a text. Normally when he gets up and before bed, at a minimum. If the time change isn’t too drastic, he’d respond during the day too. Occasionally he parties too late with coworkers or their hosts showing them a good time. But he does always check in.

With Whats App and WiFi being so easy, I don’t think a text is too much to ask before he turns in. Or at least a few minute chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is crazy. I have traveled for work regularly for 20 years and I have rarely missed calling home, and if I don’t call, I always always text.

I doubt he’s with a woman because he’d probably be covering his tracks but he could actually be excessively drinking, which is just as serious an issue.

Only on DCUM is having an affair roughly equivalent offense to drinking when on a work trip.

Drinking and excessive drinking to the point of not being able to meet basic family commitments are not the same thing.

Alcoholism is indeed in the same category as adultery as far as I’m concerned.