DD becoming too materialistic

[Anonymous]

Move to the DCC. My kids go to Einstein and they don't expect these things at. all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we were in the same boat a couple years ago. We ave her a clothing allowance of $150/mo in addition to her normal allowance $30/mo. Now she is responsible for all her own clothing, makeup (recently), and entertainment. We set out guidelines around what we will buy (school uniforms, school lunch, extra school expenses) and everything else was up to her. On the spirit days or dress in white shirt day or whatever, she was responsible for finding and budgeting the right clothes or wearing her uniform. It worked out great. I got to spend quality time with her teaching her how to spend on the basics and skimp on the frills that she will only wear a couple times. We still buy things (within a budget) that she asks for for Christmas. I also got a chance to talk about our values quality over quantity, we prefer to own everything without financing (home, cars, etc) and these things free cash in other families. Plus, some families are super wealthy - we are "just" rich, like poor rich. We initially hit a couple bumps, but I'm so glad we did this. Now when we shop in not a giant piggy bank. She's doesn't bother me for anything. She sees frivolous spending for what it is. She is fashionable but not at the height of it. I think she is also grateful for the trust and autonomy over this. She even orders her own supplies for projects. We include her in our annual budget reviews now. If your daughter is smart amd mature enough to do this, it worked well for us.

You suck asa parent

No kid needs a monthly clothing budget

My HHI I’m sure is higher than yours I’d never ever do this.

Even $30 a month is stupid .

Sure it is Jealous Jan.

DP. I get that people have vastly different beliefs about money and kids. I side with the $30/month poster. There is a moral issue with money IMHO. But when you call us "jealous", do you not see that you are personifying the exact moral opposite of who we want our kids to be?

It's a difference of opinion, not jealousy. Grow up. Not all of us view the world like a middle schooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.

But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move to the DCC. My kids go to Einstein and they don't expect these things at. all.

but then you have to deal with guns, od And drugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.

But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.

Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.

But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.

Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.

I guess if the kids pick the presents and all they have to do is wait for the appointed hour it seems like the same thing to me.

I don’t really want my kid to grow up to think about gifts this way. Gifts are a token of love and a display of thoughtfulness, not a special “get out of budget free” day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move to the DCC. My kids go to Einstein and they don't expect these things at. all.

but then you have to deal with guns, od And drugs

NP, but no not really. My kids go to a similar school (very diverse, high FARMS, drugs, fights). My kids are studious and able to take advantage of tons of really cool opportunities and leadership roles due to lack of competition or interest. No one bothers them. They’ve learned to get along with all types of people. It’s been completely fine, great actually. And no one is wearing lululemon and aviator nation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move to the DCC. My kids go to Einstein and they don't expect these things at. all.

This. OP the out of control materialism is neighborhood specific.

[Anonymous]

I assume OP sends her kid to private school? That plus unfettered access to tik tok and other social media leads to these spoiled attitudes. And $180 a month allowance? Ridiculous. How are these kids going to learn any values or be content with their salaries when they grow up? If OP’s kid wants expensive stuff, she better start earning money.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. DD is in middle school and has a similar set of friends, but she is moving away from them in part because she has realized that she cares more about other things like sports and art. As a parent, I would encourage you to emphasize opportunities to make friends with girls who spend less time caring about these material things. Enroll her in sports, extracurricular activities with one or two friends who share your family values. Unfortunately, there will always be girls whose parents find it easier to give in to these materialistic demands or who even encourage it thinking that buying more things will bring their DDs happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.

But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.

You responded to the poster who does give a budget. I also like to celebrate Christmas and birthdays with gifts, special food, and other holiday traditions. If you don't like to celebrate in these ways, don't. Do what makes you happy. You don't have to understand, agree with, or even like my choices. Seriously, I just put it out there as something that works in my house. If it doesn't work for you, there are plenty of other suggestions on this board. I don't think there's a one size fits all solution out there - probably many approaches work equally well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.

But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.

Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.

I guess if the kids pick the presents and all they have to do is wait for the appointed hour it seems like the same thing to me.

I don’t really want my kid to grow up to think about gifts this way. Gifts are a token of love and a display of thoughtfulness, not a special “get out of budget free” day.

Part of the point of waiting is that typically they don’t want the ridiculous item by the time the birthday or Christmas rolls around. And it sends the message that it’s a ridiculous item since I only spend my money for that sort of thing for a gift, which I don’t give weekly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume OP sends her kid to private school? That plus unfettered access to tik tok and other social media leads to these spoiled attitudes. And $180 a month allowance? Ridiculous. How are these kids going to learn any values or be content with their salaries when they grow up? If OP’s kid wants expensive stuff, she better start earning money.

You think tiktok, the Stanley cups and Lululemon are more prevalent in private school?
My kids are in public and I can't imagine more saturation than that.

[Anonymous]

If I gave my tweens a monthly budget to buy their own clothes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

We don't celebrate "random Tuesday" but if you do, go for it. We do celebrate taco Tuesday occasionally.

But the economics are the same. I just don’t get why having your parents buy you things is some sort of moral hazard but it’s okay if they keep it to two times a year. Is the overall budget the same either way? So why not just give them the budget? At the point where Christmas and Birthdays are just a layaway system I no longer get the point.

Because there is a fundamental difference between getting gifts on special occasions vs being handed an unearned chunk of money on a weekly or monthly basis. My kids have to do chores to earn an allowance, so are not entitled and have a good sense of work needed to generate income. That is in addition to the beneficial budgeting skills.

I am surprised people here expect teens to buy all their own clothes. To me some clothing (not talking about fancy brands) is a parental responsibility.