DD becoming too materialistic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we were in the same boat a couple years ago. We ave her a clothing allowance of $150/mo in addition to her normal allowance $30/mo. Now she is responsible for all her own clothing, makeup (recently), and entertainment. We set out guidelines around what we will buy (school uniforms, school lunch, extra school expenses) and everything else was up to her. On the spirit days or dress in white shirt day or whatever, she was responsible for finding and budgeting the right clothes or wearing her uniform. It worked out great. I got to spend quality time with her teaching her how to spend on the basics and skimp on the frills that she will only wear a couple times. We still buy things (within a budget) that she asks for for Christmas. I also got a chance to talk about our values quality over quantity, we prefer to own everything without financing (home, cars, etc) and these things free cash in other families. Plus, some families are super wealthy - we are "just" rich, like poor rich. We initially hit a couple bumps, but I'm so glad we did this. Now when we shop in not a giant piggy bank. She's doesn't bother me for anything. She sees frivolous spending for what it is. She is fashionable but not at the height of it. I think she is also grateful for the trust and autonomy over this. She even orders her own supplies for projects. We include her in our annual budget reviews now. If your daughter is smart amd mature enough to do this, it worked well for us.

$150/month clothing allowance for a tween seems insane.

Dcum is so provincial. A $150 teen clothing budget is obviously “insane” to some people and “reasonable” to others. You all just substitute your local white collar hegemony for morals out of laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:time for her to get a job, pet sitting, baby sitting, whatever.

my DD grew up in an affluent area competing in a VERY affluent sport. It was almost helpful because she could see that these people had way TOO much money. She was never concerned with being like them and was happy that she could compete with someone who had way more opportunities that her.

Fitting in at 12 is very tough. I would tell her if she wants $150 PJs she can either make that her birthday present or go earn the money to buy it. Once it's their money, it's alot hard for them to justify blowing it, whereas it is easy to see spending it when it comes from your magical never empty piggy bank.

“The horse world keeps her humble” is my favorite dcum trope, second only to “international diversity.”

[Anonymous]

I'm sure it is unique in my area but the UC kids are more likely to be thrifting than the MC/UMC kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 12 and over the past few months has started obsessing over all the things she “needs” but doesn’t have, or have enough of (in her opinion). I swear every week she is asking for something. Last week she was begging for Ugg slippers because everyone is wearing them to school now. This week it was a specific lip gloss all her friends have and a new color of a Lululemon sweatshirt “everyone” else seems to have. A couple weeks ago she came home from a friend’s birthday slumber party upset that she was the only one who didn’t have a pair of these $150 pajamas (and yes I could see from a picture the mom sent out that all the girls were in fact wearing these PJs). All of her requests are so expensive, which I don’t think she recognizes at all.

We live in an affluent neighborhood and from what I can tell many of the kids do have these things. DH and I both work and are fortunate that we make a good living, but we want to make sure DD understands the value of money and isn’t just handed everything she wants. Right now I would say she gets about 60% of what she wants, but I think we need to set some clear ground rules/limits. More than anything I just want her to stop talking about all the things she wants non-stop as it gets tiring and makes her sound really obnoxious.

Anyone else deal with this? Curious how you reined it in.

the same way my parents did- an allowance for lipgloss, jewelry, expensive Pjs/slippers etc. My parents bough the basics and they were the 'cool things' but only 1 pair of athletic shoes, 1 pair of nice shoes, one pair of casual shoes. Got me one nice coat, one jacket/fleece. If I wanted the nicer coat, jacket etc.. it was either a treat or a birthday present. I got money for religious holidays to supplement my allowance. I wa expected to budget and it would end up being about 1000 bucks per year through high school in the 90s so a nice healthy budget.

its also about modelling behavior- if you are buying yourself new stuff gratuitously then your kids will want the as well. if they see that you replace worn out clothes and things and actually get use out of them they will do the same. I know my mom taught me a one in one out policy that I have actually discontinued b/c she was very fashionable and got rid of stuff b/c it went out style and got new stuff. I have a less trend driven aesthetic and wish she'd/I'd kept some of teh really nice leather goods and coats and stuff so I try to balance it and replace stuff when it gets worn out or raggedy and new make up/cosmetics when it runs out instead of replacing things due to trends. Given it's also b/c things go in and out much faster these days. Also as an adult you can 'shop' your closet more than a teenager can, so it's understandable that they want the things their peers have.

[Anonymous]

She needs to learn how to budget. Have her use an app like mint. Show her how to save her allowance, chore, birthday money and how to take earn things.

[Anonymous]

DD loves watching unboxing videos. Then wants the product.

Yeah, no real way around buying the $150 pajamas, Stanley cups, Uggs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD loves watching unboxing videos. Then wants the product.

Yeah, no real way around buying the $150 pajamas, Stanley cups, Uggs, etc.

You really think this is an unavoidable purchase? What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD loves watching unboxing videos. Then wants the product.

Yeah, no real way around buying the $150 pajamas, Stanley cups, Uggs, etc.

What the actual hell. That is so stupid. And you just go along with it?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she needs to start babysitting OP, and asking for money for her birthday so she can buy these things. Another alternative is to give her one of these expensive luxury items for Christmas/birthday every year.

The teen years are hard for girls, especially in UMC areas.

[Anonymous]

What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

[Anonymous]

My husband's DIL grew up poor so now she thinks working to get her daughter everything she wants is okay. Especially when they don't have the money yet cries to her FIL that child NEEDS this stuff to fit in. Help us Lord. Old girl needs to deep dive into her childhood and let that feeling go. You don't project your bad experiences onto your child.

I no longer take money requests. If they want something they have to go through FIL. I get to decide if they get money or not. I hate doing that but you have got to draw the line sometimes. The first line was crossed during the holidays when DIL bought $75 worth of skin care items because child's best friend had some of that. And they lied to me about that virtual reality headset. The child's eyes are bad enough. They bought her one anyway. With money we gave them.
Money I told them was NOT for that. I found out when a picture was sent and the headset was showing. Damn.

No matter the reason I no longer feel comfortable giving money away foolishly. And I don't like being taken advantage of.

If you want your kid growing up thinking that stuff will make you special or it will get you into the good crowd, I'm not supporting that. I also don't support child wearing tight clothes because her mother is either blind or doesn't care. Nor should you dress your 12 year old in hooker shoes. Or make your child wear a bra when she's 9 and fat. Or scare her into believing her period will make her a woman. Damn fake Christian moonbat. I will never understand her but the good news is I no longer have to try. I also understand her hatred of her mother. All because Mom didn't have enough money to make baby girl happy. Worshipping money. Until I started reading here I never knew such a thing existed.

[Anonymous]

We started giving allowance and it changed how my DD made purchases. Instead of. "Will you buy me this" it became "can I afford it" and she started really thinking about her purchases. I did teach her that if she was not sure she wanted to spend her money on something, to think about it, we can always go back and buy it later. (this has resulted in us returning to a store the following day, but I think that the lesson was worth it). This has totally shifted her way of viewing money and purchases. Her allowance is $50 a month. We buy her everything she needs and some extras as well. But, if she wants something really expensive she has to pay for it. We did institute a plan where if she wants to buy something really expensive that would take her a really long time to save up for, we will cover half if she covers half. She still has to focus on saving for the item, but maybe it takes her 2 or 3 months to save for it instead of 5-6. I know every child is different, but this has really helped her learn to evaluate her needs/wants. I hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD loves watching unboxing videos. Then wants the product.

Yeah, no real way around buying the $150 pajamas, Stanley cups, Uggs, etc.

My 12 year old describes girls who have black Lululemon leggings with Nike socks over the leggings holding the huge Stanley cup with lululemon hoodie. And don’t forget the lululemon bag worn across chest. There are soooo many little clones

And then you have the kids who have an Urban style. $500 Nike high tops, adidas , Alexander Wang, Fear of God, Off White to name a few.

She has a mixture of all of these. I’d say no to pajamas. The dresses for little kids from Roller Rabbit are cute but pajamas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she needs to start babysitting OP, and asking for money for her birthday so she can buy these things. Another alternative is to give her one of these expensive luxury items for Christmas/birthday every year.

The teen years are hard for girls, especially in UMC areas.

No. Not especially UMC. Teens have a hard time period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is happening with the Christmas/birthday loophole here? Why is Christmas/birthday okay but not a random Tuesday?

Because those are special holidays where you get presents and a random Tuesday is not.