Test results came back positive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

That is completely wrong.

No, it’s not. As long as the hpv is in your system, even if you have no symptoms of infection and no cellular changes, you will test positive for it. For most people, hpv clears itself COMPLETELY in about two years, but in some people it can last decades. If you tested negative and then test positive a few years later, you have a new infection. FACTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The STD is TV.

Is it possible to spread through public toilets or pools?

lol, when I was a teenager, my friend got pubic crabs from her boyfriend. He told her he got them at the beach. lol, she believed him until us girls educated her.

You can get crabs from a couch.

John, is that you? Lol, we know you cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Nobody mistakes HPV for a yeast infection. Christ. Most people have zero idea they gave it until they have a Pap smear.

Obviously thus us something that caused itching/burning/discharge.

You can mistake Trichomoniasis for a yeast infection and you can get that from a dirty towel .

chlamydia and gonorrhea Can lay dormant for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

That is completely wrong.

No, it’s not. As long as the hpv is in your system, even if you have no symptoms of infection and no cellular changes, you will test positive for it. For most people, hpv clears itself COMPLETELY in about two years, but in some people it can last decades. If you tested negative and then test positive a few years later, you have a new infection. FACTS.

Wrong!

Men are not tested for HPV

https://www.cancer.org.au/cervicalscreening/i-am-over-25/what-does-my-test-result-mean/what-about-my-partner#

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/infectious-diseases/sexual-health-sexually-transmitted-infections/hpv-men-questions-answers.html#

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The STD is TV.

Is it possible to spread through public toilets or pools?

lol, when I was a teenager, my friend got pubic crabs from her boyfriend. He told her he got them at the beach. lol, she believed him until us girls educated her.

You can get crabs from a couch.

John, is that you? Lol, we know you cheated.

No but I did have to get an exterminator in my beach house for crabs after renting it.

[Anonymous]

Poster 18:14 above is very wise and kind.

I hope that her healthy advice and example brings you some comfort at this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

That is completely wrong.

No, it’s not. As long as the hpv is in your system, even if you have no symptoms of infection and no cellular changes, you will test positive for it. For most people, hpv clears itself COMPLETELY in about two years, but in some people it can last decades. If you tested negative and then test positive a few years later, you have a new infection. FACTS.

Wrong!

Men are not tested for HPV

https://www.cancer.org.au/cervicalscreening/i-am-over-25/what-does-my-test-result-mean/what-about-my-partner#

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/infectious-diseases/sexual-health-sexually-transmitted-infections/hpv-men-questions-answers.html#

Men cannot get tested for hpv, sure, but hpv almost always clears up faster in men, especially circumcised men, than in women, much faster actually. Persistent hpv infection is extremely rare in men. The only visible sign on HPV in men are warts and those always clear up after two years, usually much earlier., 5.9 months being the median. There is no way a woman could be with a man for ten years and then suddenly pick up warts from him.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4254924/#:~:text=Genital%20HPV%20infections%20may%20be,infections%20clearing%20within%2012%20months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

That is completely wrong.

No, it’s not. As long as the hpv is in your system, even if you have no symptoms of infection and no cellular changes, you will test positive for it. For most people, hpv clears itself COMPLETELY in about two years, but in some people it can last decades. If you tested negative and then test positive a few years later, you have a new infection. FACTS.

Wrong!

Men are not tested for HPV

https://www.cancer.org.au/cervicalscreening/i-am-over-25/what-does-my-test-result-mean/what-about-my-partner#

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/infectious-diseases/sexual-health-sexually-transmitted-infections/hpv-men-questions-answers.html#

Men cannot get tested for hpv, sure, but hpv almost always clears up faster in men, especially circumcised men, than in women, much faster actually. Persistent hpv infection is extremely rare in men. The only visible sign on HPV in men are warts and those always clear up after two years, usually much earlier., 5.9 months being the median. There is no way a woman could be with a man for ten years and then suddenly pick up warts from him.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4254924/#:~:text=Genital%20HPV%20infections%20may%20be,infections%20clearing%20within%2012%20months.

It’s often in their throat and no it’s not visible or detectable.

I’ve given you plenty of education on the subject but your too dense to be able to absorb it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

That is completely wrong.

No, it’s not. As long as the hpv is in your system, even if you have no symptoms of infection and no cellular changes, you will test positive for it. For most people, hpv clears itself COMPLETELY in about two years, but in some people it can last decades. If you tested negative and then test positive a few years later, you have a new infection. FACTS.

Wrong!

Men are not tested for HPV

https://www.cancer.org.au/cervicalscreening/i-am-over-25/what-does-my-test-result-mean/what-about-my-partner#

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/infectious-diseases/sexual-health-sexually-transmitted-infections/hpv-men-questions-answers.html#

You’re misunderstanding those websites. They have dumbed things down and have missed the mark. They are trying to counsel women who have just found out they have hpv (and possible cellular changes) from a bad Pap smear/positive hpv test result. Most people are infected with hpv when they first start getting intimate in their late teens/early 20s. Women start getting Pap smears, fairly young, at around 18-21, but they don’t start screening for hpv until around 30ish, to avoid false alarms, because practically everyone will test positive for hpv before that. So, it’s possible that a 30 year old woman, in a committed relationship, has tested positive for the first time for an hpv strain her body cannot clear that she first got when she was 22. That strain has lain dormant and not has caused any bad Pap smears, but for some reason, her body cannot clear it and she needs to be cautioned about it. That is the situation where no cheating is involved. That’s very different than a 40 something married woman who has had a series of hpv tests suddenly having a positive hpv test. That means her husband is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Ignore the DCUM people giving bad advice about staying with him for your child. If he wants to be an involved parent, he can be an involved divorced parent. You deserve better.

I would probably sit on the information for a day or two, then tell him about it and that in no uncertain terms, the marriage is over. I don't know the legalities of asking him to move, but I would suggest it to him and consult with a divorce attorney ASAP. Also, if you don't already have a therapist, I would encourage you to get one.

I agree with PP, but having been in your shoes (finding out a spouse was cheating via evidence of an STI), I would say you should take a lot more than just a couple days to sit on the info. (Of course, stop sleeping with him ASAP.) There is a lot to do before you confront him.

First, it is entirely your choice to stay or end the relationship. I am someone who ended it while I had an 18 mo and a 5 yo. It was not easy, but, honestly, ending the relationship and making him move out was easier for all of us - kids included - than staying together. It is true that I am not as financially well off as I would be if I was in a stable, healthy marriage, but when someone is cheating on you remaining in a stable, healthy marriage is not an option because it doesn't exist for you. I ended it for not only for my own health and safety but also to ensure that my kids would grow up in a healthy household at least 50% of the time. Staying together with him would have been an unhealthy household 100% of the time. I did not want to model for my kids that one should stay with an abuser. I did not want to model lies and secrecy. I did not want to model living a double-faced life. I did not want my son and daughter to grow up thinking that they could do what he did nor that they must accept that behavior from a future partner.

Second, when I found out about the cheating I was in shock. I realized the world I thought I was living in was not at all the world that existed around me. I took some time to thoroughly investigate now exDH. I looked through all our bank statements, credit card statements, mail, files, medicine cabinet, computer files and history and searched the house thoroughly. What I found was illuminating and, although I never told him what I found, it enabled me to end the relationship and move forward on my own without any regrets. It also enabled me to withstand his post-split gaslighting about how he wanted to fix things. I'm not suggesting you need to do that - in and of itself his cheating releases you from any marital obligations or any obligations of mutual trust and honesty with him.

See an attorney before you confront him. Know what the likely custody and equity split, process and timeline will be. Copy any relevant documents and be prepared to move money and close accounts as directed by your attorney. Open new individual credit cards, bank accounts and cell phone accounts as needed.

As PP said, find a therapist for yourself (not a marriage counselor). Tell a few close people whom you can count on for support. Decide what you want to accomplish by confronting him with your knowledge of his infidelity and how much you are going to reveal about your own health status. IMO, you owe him no obligation to reveal that you have an STI from him. You also owe him no obligation to "work on the marriage". Be prepared to tell him clearly what you expect moving forward - do you want him to move out? move to a separate bedroom? are you going to file for divorce? what is the timeline on that? what do you envision in terms of custody arrangements? when and how will you tell the kids (if any)?

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It gets better. I felt a huge sense of relief when he was gone. And, even though I was tied to him for years through the kids, even the worst parts of that were better than still being with him.

Wishing you a peaceful future, OP.

Quoting this wonderful post so it doesn't get lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

That is completely wrong.

No, it’s not. As long as the hpv is in your system, even if you have no symptoms of infection and no cellular changes, you will test positive for it. For most people, hpv clears itself COMPLETELY in about two years, but in some people it can last decades. If you tested negative and then test positive a few years later, you have a new infection. FACTS.

Wrong!

Men are not tested for HPV

https://www.cancer.org.au/cervicalscreening/i-am-over-25/what-does-my-test-result-mean/what-about-my-partner#

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/infectious-diseases/sexual-health-sexually-transmitted-infections/hpv-men-questions-answers.html#

Men cannot get tested for hpv, sure, but hpv almost always clears up faster in men, especially circumcised men, than in women, much faster actually. Persistent hpv infection is extremely rare in men. The only visible sign on HPV in men are warts and those always clear up after two years, usually much earlier., 5.9 months being the median. There is no way a woman could be with a man for ten years and then suddenly pick up warts from him.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4254924/#:~:text=Genital%20HPV%20infections%20may%20be,infections%20clearing%20within%2012%20months.

It’s often in their throat and no it’s not visible or detectable.

I’ve given you plenty of education on the subject but your too dense to be able to absorb it.

Sure, sure. I’m as well versed as you can be in this subject, you’ve read a few dumbed down Canadian websites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you could just do the old sleep in separate bedrooms and get along and not allow anyone else in your house? Maybe work on the financials in case he leaves you in the meantime?

WTF is wrong with you you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Ignore the DCUM people giving bad advice about staying with him for your child. If he wants to be an involved parent, he can be an involved divorced parent. You deserve better.

I would probably sit on the information for a day or two, then tell him about it and that in no uncertain terms, the marriage is over. I don't know the legalities of asking him to move, but I would suggest it to him and consult with a divorce attorney ASAP. Also, if you don't already have a therapist, I would encourage you to get one.

I agree with PP, but having been in your shoes (finding out a spouse was cheating via evidence of an STI), I would say you should take a lot more than just a couple days to sit on the info. (Of course, stop sleeping with him ASAP.) There is a lot to do before you confront him.

First, it is entirely your choice to stay or end the relationship. I am someone who ended it while I had an 18 mo and a 5 yo. It was not easy, but, honestly, ending the relationship and making him move out was easier for all of us - kids included - than staying together. It is true that I am not as financially well off as I would be if I was in a stable, healthy marriage, but when someone is cheating on you remaining in a stable, healthy marriage is not an option because it doesn't exist for you. I ended it for not only for my own health and safety but also to ensure that my kids would grow up in a healthy household at least 50% of the time. Staying together with him would have been an unhealthy household 100% of the time. I did not want to model for my kids that one should stay with an abuser. I did not want to model lies and secrecy. I did not want to model living a double-faced life. I did not want my son and daughter to grow up thinking that they could do what he did nor that they must accept that behavior from a future partner.

Second, when I found out about the cheating I was in shock. I realized the world I thought I was living in was not at all the world that existed around me. I took some time to thoroughly investigate now exDH. I looked through all our bank statements, credit card statements, mail, files, medicine cabinet, computer files and history and searched the house thoroughly. What I found was illuminating and, although I never told him what I found, it enabled me to end the relationship and move forward on my own without any regrets. It also enabled me to withstand his post-split gaslighting about how he wanted to fix things. I'm not suggesting you need to do that - in and of itself his cheating releases you from any marital obligations or any obligations of mutual trust and honesty with him.

See an attorney before you confront him. Know what the likely custody and equity split, process and timeline will be. Copy any relevant documents and be prepared to move money and close accounts as directed by your attorney. Open new individual credit cards, bank accounts and cell phone accounts as needed.

As PP said, find a therapist for yourself (not a marriage counselor). Tell a few close people whom you can count on for support. Decide what you want to accomplish by confronting him with your knowledge of his infidelity and how much you are going to reveal about your own health status. IMO, you owe him no obligation to reveal that you have an STI from him. You also owe him no obligation to "work on the marriage". Be prepared to tell him clearly what you expect moving forward - do you want him to move out? move to a separate bedroom? are you going to file for divorce? what is the timeline on that? what do you envision in terms of custody arrangements? when and how will you tell the kids (if any)?

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It gets better. I felt a huge sense of relief when he was gone. And, even though I was tied to him for years through the kids, even the worst parts of that were better than still being with him.

Wishing you a peaceful future, OP.

Quoting this wonderful post so it doesn't get lost.

Agreed. Can you egoists stop fighting over who knows more about STI’s and make room for people who want to help OP (who has her own medical experts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Ignore the DCUM people giving bad advice about staying with him for your child. If he wants to be an involved parent, he can be an involved divorced parent. You deserve better.

I would probably sit on the information for a day or two, then tell him about it and that in no uncertain terms, the marriage is over. I don't know the legalities of asking him to move, but I would suggest it to him and consult with a divorce attorney ASAP. Also, if you don't already have a therapist, I would encourage you to get one.

I agree with PP, but having been in your shoes (finding out a spouse was cheating via evidence of an STI), I would say you should take a lot more than just a couple days to sit on the info. (Of course, stop sleeping with him ASAP.) There is a lot to do before you confront him.

First, it is entirely your choice to stay or end the relationship. I am someone who ended it while I had an 18 mo and a 5 yo. It was not easy, but, honestly, ending the relationship and making him move out was easier for all of us - kids included - than staying together. It is true that I am not as financially well off as I would be if I was in a stable, healthy marriage, but when someone is cheating on you remaining in a stable, healthy marriage is not an option because it doesn't exist for you. I ended it for not only for my own health and safety but also to ensure that my kids would grow up in a healthy household at least 50% of the time. Staying together with him would have been an unhealthy household 100% of the time. I did not want to model for my kids that one should stay with an abuser. I did not want to model lies and secrecy. I did not want to model living a double-faced life. I did not want my son and daughter to grow up thinking that they could do what he did nor that they must accept that behavior from a future partner.

Second, when I found out about the cheating I was in shock. I realized the world I thought I was living in was not at all the world that existed around me. I took some time to thoroughly investigate now exDH. I looked through all our bank statements, credit card statements, mail, files, medicine cabinet, computer files and history and searched the house thoroughly. What I found was illuminating and, although I never told him what I found, it enabled me to end the relationship and move forward on my own without any regrets. It also enabled me to withstand his post-split gaslighting about how he wanted to fix things. I'm not suggesting you need to do that - in and of itself his cheating releases you from any marital obligations or any obligations of mutual trust and honesty with him.

See an attorney before you confront him. Know what the likely custody and equity split, process and timeline will be. Copy any relevant documents and be prepared to move money and close accounts as directed by your attorney. Open new individual credit cards, bank accounts and cell phone accounts as needed.

As PP said, find a therapist for yourself (not a marriage counselor). Tell a few close people whom you can count on for support. Decide what you want to accomplish by confronting him with your knowledge of his infidelity and how much you are going to reveal about your own health status. IMO, you owe him no obligation to reveal that you have an STI from him. You also owe him no obligation to "work on the marriage". Be prepared to tell him clearly what you expect moving forward - do you want him to move out? move to a separate bedroom? are you going to file for divorce? what is the timeline on that? what do you envision in terms of custody arrangements? when and how will you tell the kids (if any)?

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It gets better. I felt a huge sense of relief when he was gone. And, even though I was tied to him for years through the kids, even the worst parts of that were better than still being with him.

Wishing you a peaceful future, OP.

What a thoughtful, kind response. This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

OP - I, too, would suggest seeing a divorce lawyer so that you can get your basic questions answered. From what I have read, neither spouse can force the other out of a home, especially if both are on the title if not the mortgage, too. Child custody as noted is usually 50/50 now. And as long as both your names are on financial and investment accounts, you will have direct access. Follow your lawyer's advice. If you think you would need to move out with your child, then the next step would be to get the funds set aside or be ready to withraw a certain amount that you would need to be able get a rental and live on for a certain period - if you think your spouse might be vindictive and not want to provide any direct support during the separation period. Getting a therapist for yourself will also help you keep your focus durng a very stressful time.