Test results came back positive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re there any red flags now that you remember?

Does he seem to be hiding you? Does his website omit the fact he’s married? Does he go to happy hours for “work”?

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry OP.

You must be feeling so many emotions right now.

I hope you gave someone to confide in (like a sister or close friend). Think about what you want, and consult with a lawyer.

You are strong, and will get through this. You have a beautiful child, and that will be true going forward.

🤗

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found out my now XH had cheated when I got a bacterial infection. I’d had a suspicion and he admitted it once confronted. I’d never ever had a BV before. My doctor indicated that it’s not uncommon for married women to catch their husbands cheating that way. Something about a change that your body can detect.

I’m sorry OP. Start compiling your financial information and talk to a lawyer (talk to several, he won’t be able to use the ones you talk to) before you let on that you know. Hopefully the std can be cleared with antibiotics.

Same, I got my first ever UTI and then first BV 6 months later. I'm embarrassed to say it never clicked (I thought something changed after having kids) but a year later I found out he was cheating during that time. It is so disgusting and violating. I'm really sorry OP.

BV is not an STD

+1 This is terrible info. Some women, especially those with poor immune systems but may not know... are more susceptible to BV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The STD is TV.

Is it possible to spread through public toilets or pools?

Oh please.

Could all if the ignoramuses just leave OP to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would chat with an attorney and then have a chat with DH. If that doesn’t work or go over than it doesn’t matter why or how you got the STD, be done with DH. He doesn’t deserve you.

This!!!!!!

Don’t listen to the unhealthy women saying to stay with him.

This is not a business decision. He has made his bed, and you will no longer lie in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the std

Different poster. Why does it matter?

NP here,

There are STD's that can be dormant for long periods of time, and others where symptoms show up immediately. There are also STD's that can only be passed through sex, and others that can be transmitted other ways. So, knowing whether this STD means that he definitely had an affair, or that he might have had an affair, would make a difference in OP's response.

What other ways are SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED diseases transmitted, oh wise poster? Please, do share this knowledge you have that physicians don't have.

Is it your theorizing that OP runs her naked wet vagina along the inside of urinals/toilets every chance she gets? Or that she uses dirty towels at the gym to wipe her vagina dry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

And doctors are often stupid and say things that are incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the std

Different poster. Why does it matter?

NP here,

There are STD's that can be dormant for long periods of time, and others where symptoms show up immediately. There are also STD's that can only be passed through sex, and others that can be transmitted other ways. So, knowing whether this STD means that he definitely had an affair, or that he might have had an affair, would make a difference in OP's response.

What other ways are SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED diseases transmitted, oh wise poster? Please, do share this knowledge you have that physicians don't have.

Is it your theorizing that OP runs her naked wet vagina along the inside of urinals/toilets every chance she gets? Or that she uses dirty towels at the gym to wipe her vagina dry?

If your partner uses a dirty/moldy towel and has sex with you the bacteria from the towel ends up in you and you get an STI.

[Anonymous]

If it is Trich you might want to pump the brakes on assuming it was sexually transmitted, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The STD is TV.

Is it possible to spread through public toilets or pools?

You mean like getting gonorrhea from a tractor seat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Nobody mistakes HPV for a yeast infection. Christ. Most people have zero idea they gave it until they have a Pap smear.

Obviously thus us something that caused itching/burning/discharge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Ignore the DCUM people giving bad advice about staying with him for your child. If he wants to be an involved parent, he can be an involved divorced parent. You deserve better.

I would probably sit on the information for a day or two, then tell him about it and that in no uncertain terms, the marriage is over. I don't know the legalities of asking him to move, but I would suggest it to him and consult with a divorce attorney ASAP. Also, if you don't already have a therapist, I would encourage you to get one.

I agree with PP, but having been in your shoes (finding out a spouse was cheating via evidence of an STI), I would say you should take a lot more than just a couple days to sit on the info. (Of course, stop sleeping with him ASAP.) There is a lot to do before you confront him.

First, it is entirely your choice to stay or end the relationship. I am someone who ended it while I had an 18 mo and a 5 yo. It was not easy, but, honestly, ending the relationship and making him move out was easier for all of us - kids included - than staying together. It is true that I am not as financially well off as I would be if I was in a stable, healthy marriage, but when someone is cheating on you remaining in a stable, healthy marriage is not an option because it doesn't exist for you. I ended it for not only for my own health and safety but also to ensure that my kids would grow up in a healthy household at least 50% of the time. Staying together with him would have been an unhealthy household 100% of the time. I did not want to model for my kids that one should stay with an abuser. I did not want to model lies and secrecy. I did not want to model living a double-faced life. I did not want my son and daughter to grow up thinking that they could do what he did nor that they must accept that behavior from a future partner.

Second, when I found out about the cheating I was in shock. I realized the world I thought I was living in was not at all the world that existed around me. I took some time to thoroughly investigate now exDH. I looked through all our bank statements, credit card statements, mail, files, medicine cabinet, computer files and history and searched the house thoroughly. What I found was illuminating and, although I never told him what I found, it enabled me to end the relationship and move forward on my own without any regrets. It also enabled me to withstand his post-split gaslighting about how he wanted to fix things. I'm not suggesting you need to do that - in and of itself his cheating releases you from any marital obligations or any obligations of mutual trust and honesty with him.

See an attorney before you confront him. Know what the likely custody and equity split, process and timeline will be. Copy any relevant documents and be prepared to move money and close accounts as directed by your attorney. Open new individual credit cards, bank accounts and cell phone accounts as needed.

As PP said, find a therapist for yourself (not a marriage counselor). Tell a few close people whom you can count on for support. Decide what you want to accomplish by confronting him with your knowledge of his infidelity and how much you are going to reveal about your own health status. IMO, you owe him no obligation to reveal that you have an STI from him. You also owe him no obligation to "work on the marriage". Be prepared to tell him clearly what you expect moving forward - do you want him to move out? move to a separate bedroom? are you going to file for divorce? what is the timeline on that? what do you envision in terms of custody arrangements? when and how will you tell the kids (if any)?

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It gets better. I felt a huge sense of relief when he was gone. And, even though I was tied to him for years through the kids, even the worst parts of that were better than still being with him.

Wishing you a peaceful future, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- already talked with my doctor. Talking to another doctor later this week. Only real probability was a recent partner. I don't know why the type of std matters.

It matters because HPV can be in your system for years and then reactivate.

Not really. Usually your body completely clears an hpv infection or you will continue to test positive for it. By “laying dormant,” it means the hpv infection isn’t causing any precancerous cells, not that it’s undetectable. If someone tests negative for hpv and then tests positive, it almost always means they have a new infection.

That is completely wrong.