If women could go back in time

[Anonymous]

I agree that OP is looking at the past through rose colored glasses. My grandmother was a SAHM of 6 children. My mother, as the oldest daughter, was parentified at the expense of her own schooling. When my grandfather died, the oldest son got most of the family assets and my grandmother was his dependent. Her mother died at 29 after having 8 children in 11 years. Another great grandmother was left destitute at her husbands death because he squandered all the family money including her inheritance. No thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP's question is a false dichotomy based on a poor understanding of history and the options women of all races and socio-economic classes actually did and did not have.

The point always was to have options: the option to work and be treated fairly and equally at work supported by law and policy to enforce that equality,
OR
the option to be a stay at home parent, with law and policy not penalizing that option.

Would any woman go backward and opt for what it actually used to be:

Some women choose or are forced to work, but cannot advance or have the same pay as men and can only hold certain jobs and the law assumes they are not equal,
AND
some women may not work at all whether they want to or not, especially if they are married and double no-no if they have children.

[Anonymous]

As a SAHM, I would love it if most women were still SAHMs. There would be more people around and we could do more things during the day like PTO, book clubs, lunches, etc. Also there wouldn't be this pressure to "go back to work" when the kids are older the way there is now. I've managed to work just very part time at a school, but I feel like there is this expectation that because my kids are older I should be back at work. Also, if most families only had one income, there would be less of a competitive "arms race" so to speak on buying kids stuff and experiences. Housing and other prices wouldn't have been driven so high either.

But mostly I would just love it if I were EXPECTED to stay at home, rather than bucking some trend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, I would love it if most women were still SAHMs. There would be more people around and we could do more things during the day like PTO, book clubs, lunches, etc. Also there wouldn't be this pressure to "go back to work" when the kids are older the way there is now. I've managed to work just very part time at a school, but I feel like there is this expectation that because my kids are older I should be back at work. Also, if most families only had one income, there would be less of a competitive "arms race" so to speak on buying kids stuff and experiences. Housing and other prices wouldn't have been driven so high either.

But mostly I would just love it if I were EXPECTED to stay at home, rather than bucking some trend.

I’m a working single mom. I would love to stay home! Unfortunately my income is what pays for my mortgage and food. Perhaps we should have state-provided income for every child so more families can reasonably consider staying at home and it would be expected that one parent would? (Let’s not gender it though please.)

…oh wait we tried that with the child tax credit a few years ago and got told it was a bad idea despite being almost universally popular with actual Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, I would love it if most women were still SAHMs. There would be more people around and we could do more things during the day like PTO, book clubs, lunches, etc. Also there wouldn't be this pressure to "go back to work" when the kids are older the way there is now. I've managed to work just very part time at a school, but I feel like there is this expectation that because my kids are older I should be back at work. Also, if most families only had one income, there would be less of a competitive "arms race" so to speak on buying kids stuff and experiences. Housing and other prices wouldn't have been driven so high either.

But mostly I would just love it if I were EXPECTED to stay at home, rather than bucking some trend.

Honestly, yes. I sometimes think I'm career-driven because that's what is expected of women of my socioeconomic class, but it sure would be great if being SAHM was the default.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that OP is looking at the past through rose colored glasses. My grandmother was a SAHM of 6 children. My mother, as the oldest daughter, was parentified at the expense of her own schooling. When my grandfather died, the oldest son got most of the family assets and my grandmother was his dependent. Her mother died at 29 after having 8 children in 11 years. Another great grandmother was left destitute at her husbands death because he squandered all the family money including her inheritance. No thank you.

Agree.

I have one grandmother stranded w a newborn at a California Air Force base during WWII who was harassed for 2 years by every guy coming through. Then they reunited and had 5 mores, who my father, the firstborn raised.

And the other grandmother’s boyfriend returned from the war, was verbally abusive, worked in factory and was will from cancer during my moms teen years. And died. That grandmother went a taught at an inner city public high school.

Lifes not easy. everyone has a story. Everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God no!

I’m thankful for the 40 hour week that was fought for as well.

I could not imagine having someone I love with all my heart working more than that, never seeing their own kids, and giving up 1/2 their hard earned money to a cheating wife

Now that we’re getting closer to bring equal at work..

I’m also super thankful men are getting Paternity leave, getting family flexible schedules and gave more opportunities to be equal parents.

Plus I did not miss one thing in my children’s lives.

Also I could not imagine being so selfish as to not fight for women who don’t want to marry /have kids not having those opportunities.

Also … yes I’m very happy! I provide the happiness… it was never “ promised “ its comes from within.

How is that possible if you were at work and they were with somebody else?

Do you homeschool? Never let them out of your sight? I assure you, you have missed some things in your children's lives. And they are probably glad of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that OP is looking at the past through rose colored glasses. My grandmother was a SAHM of 6 children. My mother, as the oldest daughter, was parentified at the expense of her own schooling. When my grandfather died, the oldest son got most of the family assets and my grandmother was his dependent. Her mother died at 29 after having 8 children in 11 years. Another great grandmother was left destitute at her husbands death because he squandered all the family money including her inheritance. No thank you.

Agree.

I have one grandmother stranded w a newborn at a California Air Force base during WWII who was harassed for 2 years by every guy coming through. Then they reunited and had 5 mores, who my father, the firstborn raised.

And the other grandmother’s boyfriend returned from the war, was verbally abusive, worked in factory and was will from cancer during my moms teen years. And died. That grandmother went a taught at an inner city public high school.

Lifes not easy. everyone has a story. Everyone.

Both my grandmothers were tough as nails. But you had to learn the stories to discover that.

Women are tough. So tough we prob put up with too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

Meh would rather have a husband who does that so I can relax at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

Meh would rather have a husband who does that so I can relax at home

Relax at home? I thought being a SAHM was the hardest job in the world...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God no!

I’m thankful for the 40 hour week that was fought for as well.

I could not imagine having someone I love with all my heart working more than that, never seeing their own kids, and giving up 1/2 their hard earned money to a cheating wife

Now that we’re getting closer to bring equal at work..

I’m also super thankful men are getting Paternity leave, getting family flexible schedules and gave more opportunities to be equal parents.

Plus I did not miss one thing in my children’s lives.

Also I could not imagine being so selfish as to not fight for women who don’t want to marry /have kids not having those opportunities.

Also … yes I’m very happy! I provide the happiness… it was never “ promised “ its comes from within.

How is that possible if you were at work and they were with somebody else?

Do you homeschool? Never let them out of your sight? I assure you, you have missed some things in your children's lives. And they are probably glad of it.

Lol. That's your rebuttal? To answer OPs question, it definitely did not provide you with happiness, only anger

[Anonymous]

One comparison of US and European feminism said that US feminism pretended caregiving did not exist, while European feminism recognized that it did and insisted on protections, such as extended maternity and paternity leave and state subsidized preschools. I think this is accurate. So I certainly would not unwind equality for women -- but I would develop policies with the full recognition that children exist and need to be cared for, and that women need time to recover from childbirth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate such stupid questions.

Not all women are mothers. Not all mothers want to stay home. Those mothers that do want to stay home, still can.

+1

Now you have the choice - which was the power we gained. No, I don’t think we should give that up.

There's some weird misconception among some women today that the feminist movement was about "choice." It wasn't. It was about women's liberation and financial equality.

Remember also that during this time, a woman couldn't even get a credit card in her own name (until well into the 1970s) and needed her husband's permission for many other financial decisions. So it's about a lot more than just "choice" and staying at home and workplace access.

What?! Is that is the Middle East or South Asia or in the United States? I don’t believe that was the case in this country.

Signed,
An immmigrant

[Anonymous]

My career field disappeared with the Great Recession and we had very young kids. I became a SAHM. It's worked well for our family. The kids are thriving, my spouse makes good money and is glad I'm at home to handle the home front. When our kids were sick at school, and needed to be picked up, I could be there in 15 minutes. I once apologized for taking 20 minutes and the school nurse said don't worry, you're doing just fine. She had sick kids who sat there all day until the bell rang, and then went to after care...

I always remember that moment. My kids had it pretty good. I have no regrets looking back. Life has been good. Nobody can have everything, all the time, all at once. We all make choices, and have to live with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, I would love it if most women were still SAHMs. There would be more people around and we could do more things during the day like PTO, book clubs, lunches, etc. Also there wouldn't be this pressure to "go back to work" when the kids are older the way there is now. I've managed to work just very part time at a school, but I feel like there is this expectation that because my kids are older I should be back at work. Also, if most families only had one income, there would be less of a competitive "arms race" so to speak on buying kids stuff and experiences. Housing and other prices wouldn't have been driven so high either.

But mostly I would just love it if I were EXPECTED to stay at home, rather than bucking some trend.

Honestly, yes. I sometimes think I'm career-driven because that's what is expected of women of my socioeconomic class, but it sure would be great if being SAHM was the default.

I work fulltime plus do all planning, arranging, assessing, changing for the kids and house and property.

My husband only works, he has adhd/asd so won’t be multitasking or paying attention to anything anytime soon.

He also NEVER says thank you or even acknowledge my career and promotions nor my caring for everyone and everything.

And guess what?

He’d love it if I stayed home like his mommy did. Taking care of her adhd/asd husband and two sons, the other still lives at home.

But I’d still get an ungrateful, unthankful, ignorant and clueless husband. In fact, he’s check out even more, if that’s even possible, if I SAHM.

So I’d be damned if I SAHM for that! No thank you.

And btw, I work with other high income/ wealthy men, for 20+ years. They DO say thank you to their wives, plan weekend trips, coach their kids stuff, and clean up their garbage. I’d SAHM for then maybe.

For now all I can do is see the humor in the ADHD/asd lapses all the time. Fortunately he stays away from anything needing help or repair or attention. When he doesn’t then it’s double the work to fix.