Say something or be quiet? (Team secret buddy exchange gone wrong)

[Anonymous]

Seek that therapy out OP

[Anonymous]

Obviously the Op is reacting not just to the note itself, but the entire backstory (from her perspective) involving the mom who organized it, the switching of the buddies weekly, “stealing” the idea from the initial organizer. So that is coloring her perspective. If nothing had gone “wrong” with any of this, and the daughter just got this one note, I doubt she would have had the same reaction.

[Anonymous]

oh this is BS. making excuses for the special snowflakes who can't won't write a note.

if they are unable, then they can work with their moms to help them, or they can opt out completely. i don't want to wrote notes = i also will not get notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh this is BS. making excuses for the special snowflakes who can't won't write a note.

if they are unable, then they can work with their moms to help them, or they can opt out completely. i don't want to wrote notes = i also will not get notes.

So, it wasn't a special needs situation, but if it had been a kid who got help from their mom, then it might have been in adult handwriting, which is the thing the OP is freaking out about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh this is BS. making excuses for the special snowflakes who can't won't write a note.

if they are unable, then they can work with their moms to help them, or they can opt out completely. i don't want to wrote notes = i also will not get notes.

You post is illogical. You need to opt out.

[Anonymous]

It seems like OP thought her kids was participating in a team sport with teammates who cared about one another. Swim is individual. The kid who got OP's kid probably felt pressured into doing it and didn't really care

[Anonymous]

OP why do you think this woman knew all week that your DD didn't have a buddy? It sounds like she realized her mistake at the last minute and so wrote the note so your DD wouldn't be empty-handed.

I get that you don't like this woman for whatever (maybe perfectly valid) reasons, but I could easily see accidentally forgetting to assign a kid, particularly since it switches each week. That's not an implausible story at all and it shows no ill intent. It also means this wasn't a case of a teammate who couldn't be bothered... This explanation should have made you feel better about the whole thing. Not double down.

[Anonymous]

If you are finding it hard to let go of this, OP, just do it for your daughter. Do you want her to echo your unhappiness and give up the emotional space and time that it has cost you already? My kids swim. I know your daughter has dedication and grit, because that’s what swim requires. Don’t let her be bogged down by this sideline stuff.

[Anonymous]

This whole thing is cliquey.
My kid swam club for 2 years and I met some super nice parents and some total crazies. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

Get out boo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman did all the work of setting up and running this program, and you're shitting on her for making sure your daughter got a note?

OP and your daughter have sensitivity/anxiety issues. That's OK. We all do. But you need to work on that, and not rage out on everyone around you for their completely normal, civil, *caring*, behavior, or else you'll isolate yourselves even further.

Well she didn't go a very good job of it now did she? I know moms like this. We had one in our preschool. Designate themselves the organizer and then -- oopsie! -- forgot a child or children that she deems less than. It's grown up mean girl behavior, which apparently most on this thread sanction given the rude responses condemning OP and her daughter. I'm Team OP. Bow out of this stupid note nonsense.

It wasn’t a relevant detail before, but the current mom organizing was really nasty to the mom who started the idea and told everyone that she didn’t like how it was being done and so she took over. The original mom gracefully let her even though she was pubclicy criticized by the current organizer. So I’m not going to just be thankful she organized it because she’s the one who was critical and forced herself to be in charge!

I'm the PP you quoted. I KNEW it! I knew the note mom was an instigator mean mom. Glad for you and your daughter that there are only 3 meets left. Ignore the mean and rude comments. Those of us who have BTDT understand exactly what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman did all the work of setting up and running this program, and you're shitting on her for making sure your daughter got a note?

OP and your daughter have sensitivity/anxiety issues. That's OK. We all do. But you need to work on that, and not rage out on everyone around you for their completely normal, civil, *caring*, behavior, or else you'll isolate yourselves even further.

Well she didn't go a very good job of it now did she? I know moms like this. We had one in our preschool. Designate themselves the organizer and then -- oopsie! -- forgot a child or children that she deems less than. It's grown up mean girl behavior, which apparently most on this thread sanction given the rude responses condemning OP and her daughter. I'm Team OP. Bow out of this stupid note nonsense.

It wasn’t a relevant detail before, but the current mom organizing was really nasty to the mom who started the idea and told everyone that she didn’t like how it was being done and so she took over. The original mom gracefully let her even though she was pubclicy criticized by the current organizer. So I’m not going to just be thankful she organized it because she’s the one who was critical and forced herself to be in charge!

!!!!! lol, OP. Calm down.

I'm going to ask Jeff if this is a troll.

Let’s hope OP is a troll because if not 😬😬😬😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another possibility: the kid made a lovely note and it was forgotten at home so the parent replicated in a pinch. Stuff happens. Let it go.

I heard what happened. I was annoyed enough that I directly texted just m the mom who was organizing things to let her know we wouldn’t be participating for the next meet because it made my daughter feel crappy before this meet instead of encouraged. I said that my daughter realized it was from an adult and felt hurt. I didn’t send a group text.

She replied and confessed that she had messed up the names this week and realized that she hadn’t assigned my daughter a buddy and didn’t know what to do so at the last minute and she wrote the note herself.

I already dislike this mom for other reasons plus she was the one obsessed with doing buddies in the first place. Knowing that she knew my daughter didn’t have a buddy for a week and then tried to cover it at the last minute was not the explanation I was expecting.

Definitely would have been more understanding of poor fine motor skills or a dead grandma or some of the other not unreasonable explanations others wrote here.

No, please, could this possibly be real? You emailed the organizer and told them your daughter was too hurt by the adult written note to continue to participate????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman did all the work of setting up and running this program, and you're shitting on her for making sure your daughter got a note?

OP and your daughter have sensitivity/anxiety issues. That's OK. We all do. But you need to work on that, and not rage out on everyone around you for their completely normal, civil, *caring*, behavior, or else you'll isolate yourselves even further.

Not Op, but come on. What work did she do? Telling a few kids to write a few notes and messing it up so that OP’s kid didn’t have a match? No, this lady came up with a stupid idea and then half-assed it. Maybe she should focus on doing one thing right at a time instead of having her hands in a lot of different pots and doing everything badly?

+1. This is a terrible idea. We just need to stop with this kind of thing and Bigs/Littles in general. it creates too much drama. A couple of the moms in my girl scout troop wanted to do a secret santa exchange. It was all great until both of these girls didn't like their secret santa partners. Suddenly moms want to change the rules. Let the kids trade people etc. It is ridiculous. Too much social engineering.

+ 200. It’s not just stupidity in play; it’s some moms trying to control other moms and it’s ridiculous. OP is right about this crap. Of course the aholes here are attacking her.

People are attacking OP because this is such an over reaction. Over something that she/daughter didn’t even want to do initially—yet apparently wasn’t mandatory and they could have opted out of from the beginning. OPs daughter ends up going above and beyond by busting out the gel pens and are disproportionately disappointed when the note she received did not meet their expectations.

Like, this should be such a non-issue. Should have opted out from the start, and shouldn’t be that “weirded out and sad” by getting one note that was written by a parent—regardless of the reason why. And to top it off there’s only three meets left so the note program will resolve itself by ending after three more meets. This just isn’t something worth ruminating on. Especially if it’s been good for OP and her kid for almost the whole season

[Anonymous]

Op participating in this was your fail