How to handle my cousin asking me to host her 13yo for part of the summer?

[Anonymous]

They will circle back next year for another try, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Host the 13 year old for 4-6 weeks. It will be enriching for all.

We will all be working the whole time. Dh and I are using vacation time to go visit my family already, and my kids have summer jobs. I don't see how it would be enriching because he would just sit at home all day alone.

I think some non-Americans don’t understand just how isolating it is to be stuck at home day after day by yourself. It’s a really different like than some countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for good advice on this. Just wanted to update. I said no without details, just that we were very busy this summer and could not host. They responded no worries, we will figure out other plans. I think they are probably pissed, but I am glad I stood my ground.

Go, you!

I love it when someone asks a question here and ends up in a good place ( big thumbs up to your parents, too)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, Just another comment ... as long as no one says it to your face (that they are pissed, for example), it is not reasonable to assume ill of them. I know when you wrote they are probably pissed it was just a throw-away line but ... it's common and not helpful to your state of mind re: these people to assume you know.

Just because someone asks something no matter how ridiculous an ask it is, one should not take it a step further and invent what their reaction is.

Eh. OP doesn't value family or connections. She's happy to think the worst of cousins.

She's busy.

+1. OP’s life sounds sad and somehow… robotic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, Just another comment ... as long as no one says it to your face (that they are pissed, for example), it is not reasonable to assume ill of them. I know when you wrote they are probably pissed it was just a throw-away line but ... it's common and not helpful to your state of mind re: these people to assume you know.

Just because someone asks something no matter how ridiculous an ask it is, one should not take it a step further and invent what their reaction is.

Eh. OP doesn't value family or connections. She's happy to think the worst of cousins.

She's busy.

+1. OP’s life sounds sad and somehow… robotic

Or maybe she wants to have a fun summer with just her kids and her own plans...I can't imagine asking anyone other than my parents or in-laws to have my kids over for any amount of time. It's something that gets offered, not the opposite!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t do this with a 13 year old I hadn’t met or at least didn’t have a lot of info about from other family members. If he’s a good kid I do think it would be nice if he was in a camp or other scheduled activities but if course it’s totally OP’s prerogative to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, dont do it, OP. These requests will never end. I am Indian, though born here, and get these kind of requests from time to time. My father died in May, and for the first time I met a second cousin on his side. She grew up in India and has a top job at… Google in the Bay Area! Anyway, we’re meeting for the first time, and she mentions that there was resentment in her family that my dad did not bring her father over to the US decades ago. Mind you, my father had 3 siblings, none of whom ever won the visa lottery. And he had 12 cousin “brothers and sisters.” Her dad was a cousin brother… i just couldnt believe she brought it up to me after my dad died.
Meanwhile, I have helped nonrelatives who truly needed a hand up to settle here as they came to this country, but they were admitted to university here and earned their visas. They were also extremely grateful.

I agree, these expectations and resulting resentments are just so petty, incredible. Not to mention absurdly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for good advice on this. Just wanted to update. I said no without details, just that we were very busy this summer and could not host. They responded no worries, we will figure out other plans. I think they are probably pissed, but I am glad I stood my ground.

Good for you OP. Glad to hear the update!

[Anonymous]

Way to go OP!
The freeing power of “no”!
It’s a beautiful thing.