How to handle my cousin asking me to host her 13yo for part of the summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I learned a great lesson from dcum. You don’t have to give reasons or explain yourself.

Be direct and assertive. You can’t host. If they keep asking, you can say it doesn’t work with your family plans. Worse case scenario- they give lots of pressure and won’t let it go. Quickly say you need to go and hang up.

I have a 13 yo. I would not host another for an extended time, family or not family.

Agree with this and all the posters who say you can just say No. I'm also Asian and can see something like this happening. OP, it's actually great that your parents support you in saying that this isn't a good idea.

And, it doesn't matter what other people here think anyway. If it doesn't work for you and your family, just don't do it.

[Anonymous]

I am op and said no. We will see what I hear back. My parents said they actually thought of pulling this over another break with my brother and his wife who live in a tiny condo with a 3yo. The only reason they didn't end up asking them was because the kid's plans for being in their town fell through. It made me feel better about saying no with no explanation!

[Anonymous]

I would say 'no'. Done.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes, because this sounds like a, say Yes to Life situation. It might be fun and interesting, and you would be doing a kind thing for a family member. But, you don't seem like the kind of person who sees life that way. If you don't have it in your heart to do this kind thing, then don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes, because this sounds like a, say Yes to Life situation. It might be fun and interesting, and you would be doing a kind thing for a family member. But, you don't seem like the kind of person who sees life that way. If you don't have it in your heart to do this kind thing, then don't.

Yikes. Do you think what you just wrote was kind? We know a lot more about your kindness than about that poster's based on your response.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all for good advice on this. Just wanted to update. I said no without details, just that we were very busy this summer and could not host. They responded no worries, we will figure out other plans. I think they are probably pissed, but I am glad I stood my ground.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, Just another comment ... as long as no one says it to your face (that they are pissed, for example), it is not reasonable to assume ill of them. I know when you wrote they are probably pissed it was just a throw-away line but ... it's common and not helpful to your state of mind re: these people to assume you know.

Just because someone asks something no matter how ridiculous an ask it is, one should not take it a step further and invent what their reaction is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, Just another comment ... as long as no one says it to your face (that they are pissed, for example), it is not reasonable to assume ill of them. I know when you wrote they are probably pissed it was just a throw-away line but ... it's common and not helpful to your state of mind re: these people to assume you know.

Just because someone asks something no matter how ridiculous an ask it is, one should not take it a step further and invent what their reaction is.

Eh. OP doesn't value family or connections. She's happy to think the worst of cousins.

She's busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, Just another comment ... as long as no one says it to your face (that they are pissed, for example), it is not reasonable to assume ill of them. I know when you wrote they are probably pissed it was just a throw-away line but ... it's common and not helpful to your state of mind re: these people to assume you know.

Just because someone asks something no matter how ridiculous an ask it is, one should not take it a step further and invent what their reaction is.

Fair enough! I was just thinking they must be pissed because they truly thought they were sending him (were telling my parents they need to know when -rather than if-, they are going to get his plane ticket...) so they thought it was definitely going to happen. But you might be right too and they might not care that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, Just another comment ... as long as no one says it to your face (that they are pissed, for example), it is not reasonable to assume ill of them. I know when you wrote they are probably pissed it was just a throw-away line but ... it's common and not helpful to your state of mind re: these people to assume you know.

Just because someone asks something no matter how ridiculous an ask it is, one should not take it a step further and invent what their reaction is.

Eh. OP doesn't value family or connections. She's happy to think the worst of cousins.

She's busy.

I value family very much. My parents come for a month every year, we go back and see relatives every year and that is very costly, but I do it. Just as you think I shouldn't assume their reaction (which is a fair point), don't assume you know me.

[Anonymous]

I would say that our schedule doesn't permit this- explain the work and travel thing-- but that you would be able to accommodate a 1 week visit... maybe he can come visit you guys for a week and then go to NYC or some other place where they might have friends...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes, because this sounds like a, say Yes to Life situation. It might be fun and interesting, and you would be doing a kind thing for a family member. But, you don't seem like the kind of person who sees life that way. If you don't have it in your heart to do this kind thing, then don't.

Passive aggressive people are so annoying

[Anonymous]

Avoid avoid avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say yes, because this sounds like a, say Yes to Life situation. It might be fun and interesting, and you would be doing a kind thing for a family member. But, you don't seem like the kind of person who sees life that way. If you don't have it in your heart to do this kind thing, then don't.

I think OP said they never even met this kid. Since you feel this way you should sign up to be a foreign exchange host family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all for good advice on this. Just wanted to update. I said no without details, just that we were very busy this summer and could not host. They responded no worries, we will figure out other plans. I think they are probably pissed, but I am glad I stood my ground.

OP, it's ok if they are pissed off. It's a huge favor to ask of a distant relative, and if they are pissed off that you said no, that's on them.