People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father, a lifelong alcoholic, was diagnosed with primary progressive aphasia (AKA “what Bruce Willis has”) at age 75. He died an agonizingly slow death culminating in being “locked in” - he was completely unable to communicate verbally (could not utter one sound) yet was fully conscious and immobile.

He lived/survived for nearly four years in a nursing home. My mother insisted that he be fully resuscitated and so one year in, he “coded” and was “brought back” to an even more diminished state. He continued to receive BP meds and I think a diuretic (he had high BP for decades).

So he lingered on a in a progressively more vegetative state; it wasn’t until he began refusing food that I got my mother to bring in hospice. Hospice advised a DNR needs to be in place and began palliative care in lieu of BP meds. My dad died 6 months later, in his sleep.

I am dealing with a parent with PPA now - although we are having trouble getting a definite diagnosis. Where did you go for the diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

I thought this post was going to be about dementia. I am all for (my loved ones and myself) living to be really old if in good mental health. But unfortunately that is likely not in the cards for me. Modern medicine has made such amazing strides in keeping body's healthy. But we haven't reached the same level with the brain. I had tow grandparents die young or young-ish with healthy minds. The two that lived past 80 had dementia. I had a parent die young and now my living parent (over 80) has dementia. It kills me, but I know my fate is to die young or succumb to dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father, a lifelong alcoholic, was diagnosed with primary progressive aphasia (AKA “what Bruce Willis has”) at age 75. He died an agonizingly slow death culminating in being “locked in” - he was completely unable to communicate verbally (could not utter one sound) yet was fully conscious and immobile.

He lived/survived for nearly four years in a nursing home. My mother insisted that he be fully resuscitated and so one year in, he “coded” and was “brought back” to an even more diminished state. He continued to receive BP meds and I think a diuretic (he had high BP for decades).

So he lingered on a in a progressively more vegetative state; it wasn’t until he began refusing food that I got my mother to bring in hospice. Hospice advised a DNR needs to be in place and began palliative care in lieu of BP meds. My dad died 6 months later, in his sleep.

I am dealing with a parent with PPA now - although we are having trouble getting a definite diagnosis. Where did you go for the diagnosis?

Not the PP but my mom has a PPA diagnosis- her neurologist diagnosed her and she had that before the dementia. Or at least manifested. Now she’s got both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 59 now, taking care of my mom 89. She’s still in good health, mentally there. I’m just sick of her being in my house, I know this sounds terrible. My culture you don’t put parents in a nursing home, she/we can’t afford one either. No other siblings to help care for her.

Just venting.

Its totally understandable. It doesn't make you a bad person. Long term eldercare, spouse care, even childcare can be overwhelming time to time, specially when there is no end in sight and your own body starts deteriorating. Hang in there! Find ways to give yourself breaks when possible. ❤️

[Anonymous]

You do know it’s possible to live into your 90s in good health right? Look up fit mom of 7 on Instagram and the amazing things her 91yo mom is able to do.

[Anonymous]

I think human lives should have auto combustion at 80. I'm by no means saying people should just jump or pushed of the cliff but its a pain for self and a drain on others. Imaging being an elderly who can sense they are no longer wanted. Its just so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do know it’s possible to live into your 90s in good health right? Look up fit mom of 7 on Instagram and the amazing things her 91yo mom is able to do.

Instagram only highlights good aspects also on average most elderly have low mobility and high ailments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is living too long.
People are dying too long.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

I spent the last two years being a respite caregiver to a mid 90s woman who was being cared for in her elderly (70ish) daughter's home. Daughter was a nurse by profession so very well skilled for the tasks required.

They BOTH wished for her death, and talked about it fairly frequently. It was not an abusive situation at all. She was adored by her whole family including two generations of grandkids she'd helped raised before becoming infirm. They grieved her death but also celebrated it, because she spoke every single day of the last 5+ years of her life about her desperate wish that God would take her.

I've been doing eldercare for nearly a decade now, much of it hospice status and many hospice clients who lingered for years - doctors can say your condition might kill you in six months, but that means nothing to mother nature.

Life gets very difficult when you are barely mobile, stuck in chairs and beds and needing somebody else to wipe your anus while having lost most of the bodily function that would allow you to participate in any of the life activities you used to love.

We should have MAID in the USA, everywhere.

I am curious, several posters have mentioned elderly people stopping their meds. It does seem unlikely that most people living that long are doing so without statins, etc. Was that woman on medications? Does going off them late in life hasten death? Is the option to just never start taking them and late nature take its course? Some of us were meant to live long lives of quality, while others not. I am in my mid-50s and started taking BP meds a couple of years ago and sometimes I wonder if I should just not and let my end come when it's meant to. I do not want to get to an age and condition that makes my kids dread being around me, the same way I feel about my mother now. She was a loving mother who I adored when I was a child. But my entire adult life has felt like I am dealing with a child and I cannot stand it. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me.

Same.

[Anonymous]

My dad, who saw his own mother suffer after having a stroke at age 80 and couldn’t walk or talk and lived in a nursing home, used to always say he never wanted to be a burden on his kids in old age and he would do as his mother did and live on a nursing home when the time came. But now he is 75 and in pretty good health but w some cognitive decline and is talking about (joking about) when he gets too old to care for himself and has to move in w us. I hope he’s actually just joking. I’d be happy for him to move into assisted living somewhere close by and I would go visit him often but i do not want to be a full time caregiver.

I know it sounds awful and maybe I am really selfish but Im only 38 and I do not want to spend my 40s-50s caring for my elderly parents who have plenty of money to live in a nice assisted living facility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father, a lifelong alcoholic, was diagnosed with primary progressive aphasia (AKA “what Bruce Willis has”) at age 75. He died an agonizingly slow death culminating in being “locked in” - he was completely unable to communicate verbally (could not utter one sound) yet was fully conscious and immobile.

He lived/survived for nearly four years in a nursing home. My mother insisted that he be fully resuscitated and so one year in, he “coded” and was “brought back” to an even more diminished state. He continued to receive BP meds and I think a diuretic (he had high BP for decades).

So he lingered on a in a progressively more vegetative state; it wasn’t until he began refusing food that I got my mother to bring in hospice. Hospice advised a DNR needs to be in place and began palliative care in lieu of BP meds. My dad died 6 months later, in his sleep.

I am dealing with a parent with PPA now - although we are having trouble getting a definite diagnosis. Where did you go for the diagnosis?

PP back: my father got a diagnosis way back circa 2011. Rather abruptly, he began to use one-word answers and was
suddenly a man of few words. He had been a brilliant communicator, scholar and highly successful professional. My mom noticed and got him to their GP who administered a baseline memory test in-office. He was referred to a neurologist who administered more tests and the diagnosis.

Doctors discussed that his cognitive decline brought him down to a “normal” level and so he was able to mask his symptoms quite well. I found this darkly humorous.

His decline was relatively stable until he fell and broke his hip. Wasn’t expected to make it through surgery, then we were told that he likely wouldn’t make it out of ICU, then he shocked everyone with a release to a nursing home. From diagnosis to death, it was 6.5 long years-and maybe 1 (pre-fall) was tolerable and not miserable.

All of this makes me want to tighten up my own death plan; I do have a medical directive but need to add details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is living too long.
People are dying too long.

100%

Exactly. It’s a huge effort to take care of your health the way you need to live well for your whole life. But if you focus on what you want to be able to do at 90 - play with grandkids, hike, swim, ski, walk your active dog - then you can work backwards from there and figure out what you need to do to get there. Which is basically cardio, weights, good food, strong relationships.

We don’t have to age the way our parents are. That’s a totally different model of aging and we know better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do know it’s possible to live into your 90s in good health right? Look up fit mom of 7 on Instagram and the amazing things her 91yo mom is able to do.

Instagram only highlights good aspects also on average most elderly have low mobility and high ailments.

That’s because they didn’t take care of themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have watched 3 parents/in laws have long agonizing deaths involving years (in two cases) of bedrest. It is a miserable existence. I will not take any meds after the age of 85 - I hope I go quickly.

But the thing is that unless you get an aggressive illness you probably won’t go quickly. And if you don’t take any medications at all, you’ll probably be in pain and miserable during your long, drawn out old age.

I don’t want to be old either and I hope to never be a burden on my kids or spouse in old age but it’s not like any of us get to decide when we die (unless we kill ourselves)

Good point! I was just venting honestly and understand that I have the genes to live a long time and doing so incapacitated for years at the end is my greatest fear. Maybe I should start smoking.

I know you're joking, but smoking increases alzheimers risk, and the risk of amputations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.

If you are in good health mentally and physically why would you want to die at 73?