People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

I spent the last two years being a respite caregiver to a mid 90s woman who was being cared for in her elderly (70ish) daughter's home. Daughter was a nurse by profession so very well skilled for the tasks required.

They BOTH wished for her death, and talked about it fairly frequently. It was not an abusive situation at all. She was adored by her whole family including two generations of grandkids she'd helped raised before becoming infirm. They grieved her death but also celebrated it, because she spoke every single day of the last 5+ years of her life about her desperate wish that God would take her.

I've been doing eldercare for nearly a decade now, much of it hospice status and many hospice clients who lingered for years - doctors can say your condition might kill you in six months, but that means nothing to mother nature.

Life gets very difficult when you are barely mobile, stuck in chairs and beds and needing somebody else to wipe your anus while having lost most of the bodily function that would allow you to participate in any of the life activities you used to love.

We should have MAID in the USA, everywhere.

I am curious, several posters have mentioned elderly people stopping their meds. It does seem unlikely that most people living that long are doing so without statins, etc. Was that woman on medications? Does going off them late in life hasten death? Is the option to just never start taking them and late nature take its course? Some of us were meant to live long lives of quality, while others not. I am in my mid-50s and started taking BP meds a couple of years ago and sometimes I wonder if I should just not and let my end come when it's meant to. I do not want to get to an age and condition that makes my kids dread being around me, the same way I feel about my mother now. She was a loving mother who I adored when I was a child. But my entire adult life has felt like I am dealing with a child and I cannot stand it. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me.

DP
I am 47 and on BP meds. My plan is to stop taking them once kid is about 25 which is on 12 years. It’s the age where I feel my death won’t deprive him of much.

It doesn't make any sense to quit taking hypertension drugs in your late 50s. Late 70s, sure.

Even then… having a stroke and being incapacitated for years would be among the worst ways to go.

Dealing with this now- my mom has afib and is on blood thinners. She has chronic pain but her body doesn’t tolerate any narcotics. Anti-inflammatories work but they can cause stomach ulcers. Stomach ulcers plus blood thinners equals internal bleeding leading to a drop in blood pressure and a fall (just went down this road). So do we discontinue the anti-inflammatory or the blood thinners? There are no other pain reduction options aside from Tylenol which does barely anything. But stroke could lead to total incapacitation. The flip side is chronic pain that can’t be medicated. Getting old can really, really suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I have no desire to keep going once my body deteriorates to the point that I am 1)in constant pain 2)cannot bathroom/dress/eat without assistance. That's not a life worth living to me.

This is my mom and she’d agree. I wish I could help her. During her lucid moments she’ll tell anyone who cares to listen how she doesn’t want to be here anymore. She’s still on some medications that assist with things like controlling her blood pressure and I’ve really struggled with the idea to stop those medicines. I don’t think I have the guts. I don’t want to play God and I think the guilt of the potential outcome would be so much worse than just keeping her on those drugs and eventually down the long, long road letting nature take its course. It’s a moral dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I have no desire to keep going once my body deteriorates to the point that I am 1)in constant pain 2)cannot bathroom/dress/eat without assistance. That's not a life worth living to me.

This is my mom and she’d agree. I wish I could help her. During her lucid moments she’ll tell anyone who cares to listen how she doesn’t want to be here anymore. She’s still on some medications that assist with things like controlling her blood pressure and I’ve really struggled with the idea to stop those medicines. I don’t think I have the guts. I don’t want to play God and I think the guilt of the potential outcome would be so much worse than just keeping her on those drugs and eventually down the long, long road letting nature take its course. It’s a moral dilemma.

Difficult. But keeping her on the medications is playing God every bit as much as stopping them. Probably more.

[Anonymous]

Like everything else, those with black and white opinions, who think the answer is easy, have not dealt with it themselves. Good luck when your time comes, I'm sure you'll realize it's a terrible situation with no easy answers.