People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85

[Anonymous]

Hiking anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These long life spans are horrible. My 101 MIL lives with us and she is so lonely.

What does she do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad, who saw his own mother suffer after having a stroke at age 80 and couldn’t walk or talk and lived in a nursing home, used to always say he never wanted to be a burden on his kids in old age and he would do as his mother did and live on a nursing home when the time came. But now he is 75 and in pretty good health but w some cognitive decline and is talking about (joking about) when he gets too old to care for himself and has to move in w us. I hope he’s actually just joking. I’d be happy for him to move into assisted living somewhere close by and I would go visit him often but i do not want to be a full time caregiver.

I know it sounds awful and maybe I am really selfish but Im only 38 and I do not want to spend my 40s-50s caring for my elderly parents who have plenty of money to live in a nice assisted living facility.

Yes, you are selfish. After all, they spent their 20s/30s caring for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

That’s fine and you can do that but it’s not simple. If you need a new hip but don’t get one, you’ll become completely immobile and bedridden. Someone will have to care for you 24/7. And you could live a long time that way. Doesn’t sound so fun—for you or your caregiver. It’s not like you just elect not to do a surgery/other procedure/take a certain medication and then you’re dead in a few days-weeks. You could live years like that.

Often easier for caregivers to deal with bedridden patients.
At least they don’t wander around and do weird sh*t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

That’s fine and you can do that but it’s not simple. If you need a new hip but don’t get one, you’ll become completely immobile and bedridden. Someone will have to care for you 24/7. And you could live a long time that way. Doesn’t sound so fun—for you or your caregiver. It’s not like you just elect not to do a surgery/other procedure/take a certain medication and then you’re dead in a few days-weeks. You could live years like that.

Often easier for caregivers to deal with bedridden patients.
At least they don’t wander around and do weird sh*t

I think I'd rather deal with wandering around doing weird sh*t than cleaning up all the sh*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad, who saw his own mother suffer after having a stroke at age 80 and couldn’t walk or talk and lived in a nursing home, used to always say he never wanted to be a burden on his kids in old age and he would do as his mother did and live on a nursing home when the time came. But now he is 75 and in pretty good health but w some cognitive decline and is talking about (joking about) when he gets too old to care for himself and has to move in w us. I hope he’s actually just joking. I’d be happy for him to move into assisted living somewhere close by and I would go visit him often but i do not want to be a full time caregiver.

I know it sounds awful and maybe I am really selfish but Im only 38 and I do not want to spend my 40s-50s caring for my elderly parents who have plenty of money to live in a nice assisted living facility.

Yes, you are selfish. After all, they spent their 20s/30s caring for you!

But he didn't care for his own parents, his mother was in a nursing home. It's selfish to ask her to do what he would not.

[Anonymous]

I know it sounds awful and maybe I am really selfish but Im only 38 and I do not want to spend my 40s-50s caring for my elderly parents who have plenty of money to live in a nice assisted living facility

This is NOT selfish, in the least. When the time comes, they will be fine and maybe better with their peers. They make friends - - beyond you.

[Anonymous]

It seems like our parents generation lived into their 80's and 90's. However a lot of people in my generation are dying in early middle age. Some died of Covid, but others had heart attacks, brain tumors, cancers, stroke, etc in their 50's and 60's.

Our generation had kids in our 30's and 40's unlike our parents. So the burden is coming sooner to the next generation.

[Anonymous]

I know several elderly people who cared for parents at home who were pushing 100 when they died. It's no fun for anyone. They were just lingering with one foot on the other side for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

I spent the last two years being a respite caregiver to a mid 90s woman who was being cared for in her elderly (70ish) daughter's home. Daughter was a nurse by profession so very well skilled for the tasks required.

They BOTH wished for her death, and talked about it fairly frequently. It was not an abusive situation at all. She was adored by her whole family including two generations of grandkids she'd helped raised before becoming infirm. They grieved her death but also celebrated it, because she spoke every single day of the last 5+ years of her life about her desperate wish that God would take her.

I've been doing eldercare for nearly a decade now, much of it hospice status and many hospice clients who lingered for years - doctors can say your condition might kill you in six months, but that means nothing to mother nature.

Life gets very difficult when you are barely mobile, stuck in chairs and beds and needing somebody else to wipe your anus while having lost most of the bodily function that would allow you to participate in any of the life activities you used to love.

We should have MAID in the USA, everywhere.

I am curious, several posters have mentioned elderly people stopping their meds. It does seem unlikely that most people living that long are doing so without statins, etc. Was that woman on medications? Does going off them late in life hasten death? Is the option to just never start taking them and late nature take its course? Some of us were meant to live long lives of quality, while others not. I am in my mid-50s and started taking BP meds a couple of years ago and sometimes I wonder if I should just not and let my end come when it's meant to. I do not want to get to an age and condition that makes my kids dread being around me, the same way I feel about my mother now. She was a loving mother who I adored when I was a child. But my entire adult life has felt like I am dealing with a child and I cannot stand it. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me.

DP
I am 47 and on BP meds. My plan is to stop taking them once kid is about 25 which is on 12 years. It’s the age where I feel my death won’t deprive him of much.

It doesn't make any sense to quit taking hypertension drugs in your late 50s. Late 70s, sure.

Even then… having a stroke and being incapacitated for years would be among the worst ways to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

wtf? What do you expect elderly people to do? Kill themselves so you can inherit their money?

Now, that's disgusting.

-gen xer with elderly parents who need care.

X100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.

Make your own damn money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know it sounds awful and maybe I am really selfish but Im only 38 and I do not want to spend my 40s-50s caring for my elderly parents who have plenty of money to live in a nice assisted living facility

This is NOT selfish, in the least. When the time comes, they will be fine and maybe better with their peers. They make friends - - beyond you.

Agree it's not selfish, especially if they have the money for a nice facility.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I have no desire to keep going once my body deteriorates to the point that I am 1)in constant pain 2)cannot bathroom/dress/eat without assistance. That's not a life worth living to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

And you clearly have not done this. To even QUALIFY for MediAID (MEDICARE will not even offer money for assisted/nursing home living) you must prove you have 0 dollars left in your bank account, you must sell your house, and just exsist off your allotted social security.

Then you will be placed on a wait list. When someone at the facility dies, it's your turn. At least, until they become privatized and you are again thrown out, at 87 years old, and have to find another place that can take you immediately.

God Bless America!