People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

So, you forgo the hip replacement and you're addicted to drugs. How long will this go on for? I'm assuming you still eat and therefore poop, right? How do you get to the toilet? Do you just poop yourself and sit in your waste and develop deep bedsores? Does your family watch this happen and you refuse their help, so the place stinks and you're in filth and they're to stand by and watch it happen? Or do they help you up to use the toilet and then clean you?

Or if you refuse to eat and take meds, does your family just allow you to lie in the bed uncared for until you die? How long until you die?

It's not simple at all. Your choices are going to affect your family. It's not as if you decide you're done and you're dead in 3 days. It's slow and painful, but since you're drugged up or delirious you don't realize it. It's not simple.

[Anonymous]

I wont be able to retire until early 70s. I hope to not die at 82. That would seriously suck.

[Anonymous]

Re: hip replacement- someone I know declined their mother’s hip replacement after a fall since the mother had Alzheimer’s and was extremely difficult when mobile. She’s been bedridden at home for 5 years now, has a wonderful caregiver whose job has become so much easier, and seems to be doing well, considering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.

I spent the last two years being a respite caregiver to a mid 90s woman who was being cared for in her elderly (70ish) daughter's home. Daughter was a nurse by profession so very well skilled for the tasks required.

They BOTH wished for her death, and talked about it fairly frequently. It was not an abusive situation at all. She was adored by her whole family including two generations of grandkids she'd helped raised before becoming infirm. They grieved her death but also celebrated it, because she spoke every single day of the last 5+ years of her life about her desperate wish that God would take her.

I've been doing eldercare for nearly a decade now, much of it hospice status and many hospice clients who lingered for years - doctors can say your condition might kill you in six months, but that means nothing to mother nature.

Life gets very difficult when you are barely mobile, stuck in chairs and beds and needing somebody else to wipe your anus while having lost most of the bodily function that would allow you to participate in any of the life activities you used to love.

We should have MAID in the USA, everywhere.

I am curious, several posters have mentioned elderly people stopping their meds. It does seem unlikely that most people living that long are doing so without statins, etc. Was that woman on medications? Does going off them late in life hasten death? Is the option to just never start taking them and late nature take its course? Some of us were meant to live long lives of quality, while others not. I am in my mid-50s and started taking BP meds a couple of years ago and sometimes I wonder if I should just not and let my end come when it's meant to. I do not want to get to an age and condition that makes my kids dread being around me, the same way I feel about my mother now. She was a loving mother who I adored when I was a child. But my entire adult life has felt like I am dealing with a child and I cannot stand it. I don't want my kids to feel that way about me.

DP
I am 47 and on BP meds. My plan is to stop taking them once kid is about 25 which is on 12 years. It’s the age where I feel my death won’t deprive him of much.

It doesn't make any sense to quit taking hypertension drugs in your late 50s. Late 70s, sure.

You mean it won’t make me die faster?
I was thinking it would take time for the wear and tear to kick in so I’d die in like my early 60s?

[Anonymous]

These long life spans are horrible. My 101 MIL lives with us and she is so lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm anxious to read this entire thread, and am saving it for when I have more time. My mom is 75 and we're starting that roller coaster of in and out of rehab facilities, moving her in with us, watching her decline. My dad was mercifully taken by covid a couple of years into this same circus, but I don't see a quick solution like that for my mom. I know that sounds so callous, but it's torture watching a slow decline. She's ready to be done with life, but what - stop her meds and live in misery for a couple more years making life emotional hell for our family or continue whatever treatments and make it a slower emotional hell for our family? I am hopeful this thread gives me a more positive outlook and ideas or hope, but I have a feeling it will be others in my same helpless situation, wondering what to do next. But maybe hearing how others handle everything will be helpful too.

I'm also curious to see if others my age-ish (52) have improved their lifestyle or upped their insurance to avoid the same situation befalling themselves and their kids. I've never been a fit person, but seeing my dad's decline a few years ago, I started working out regularly and eating better. Now, with my hands going places into my mom's body to ensure her cleanliness, I'm ready to research long term care for myself and husband. Anyone have ideas what we need or where to begin? (hopefully it's not too late!)

But I say it all the time, our (great) grandparents generation had it right. Work hard and drop dead of a quick easy heart attack in the field at 62.

Stop the treatment if you have the heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter looks after a 90 year old dialysis patient in hospital. This patient is deaf and it's extremely complicated to communicate with her. Why on heaven shall a 90 year old be on dialysis?

Is anyone collecting their SSA check and in home care hours?
Otherwise it makes no sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

It is not that simple. What if you get dementia? My MIL has had dementia now for 7 years. She doesn’t take any medications. Her life has been basically miserable for the past 7+ years. She gets no enjoyment out of anything, isn’t aware of her surroundings, doesn’t know who anyone is…she is just surviving w basically no quality of life. But physically she’s quite healthy and strong and she’s in her early 70s. Drs say she could live a long time like this potentially. We’ve heard sometimes ppl w dementia will refuse to eat/drink. If she did that, we’d let her die that way (I know it sounds awful) but so far she has a very healthy appetite, surprisingly. The most likely way I see her dying at this point is if she gets covid or the flu or some other respiratory virus that turns into pneumonia otherwise I’m afraid this could continue for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

It is not that simple. What if you get dementia? My MIL has had dementia now for 7 years. She doesn’t take any medications. Her life has been basically miserable for the past 7+ years. She gets no enjoyment out of anything, isn’t aware of her surroundings, doesn’t know who anyone is…she is just surviving w basically no quality of life. But physically she’s quite healthy and strong and she’s in her early 70s. Drs say she could live a long time like this potentially. We’ve heard sometimes ppl w dementia will refuse to eat/drink. If she did that, we’d let her die that way (I know it sounds awful) but so far she has a very healthy appetite, surprisingly. The most likely way I see her dying at this point is if she gets covid or the flu or some other respiratory virus that turns into pneumonia otherwise I’m afraid this could continue for many years.

Usually you still have lucid periods before you are diagnosed/when you are diagnosed. I will make the decision to end it during a lucid period. I'm not taking meds or any of that BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

That’s fine and you can do that but it’s not simple. If you need a new hip but don’t get one, you’ll become completely immobile and bedridden. Someone will have to care for you 24/7. And you could live a long time that way. Doesn’t sound so fun—for you or your caregiver. It’s not like you just elect not to do a surgery/other procedure/take a certain medication and then you’re dead in a few days-weeks. You could live years like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

It is not that simple. What if you get dementia? My MIL has had dementia now for 7 years. She doesn’t take any medications. Her life has been basically miserable for the past 7+ years. She gets no enjoyment out of anything, isn’t aware of her surroundings, doesn’t know who anyone is…she is just surviving w basically no quality of life. But physically she’s quite healthy and strong and she’s in her early 70s. Drs say she could live a long time like this potentially. We’ve heard sometimes ppl w dementia will refuse to eat/drink. If she did that, we’d let her die that way (I know it sounds awful) but so far she has a very healthy appetite, surprisingly. The most likely way I see her dying at this point is if she gets covid or the flu or some other respiratory virus that turns into pneumonia otherwise I’m afraid this could continue for many years.

Usually you still have lucid periods before you are diagnosed/when you are diagnosed. I will make the decision to end it during a lucid period. I'm not taking meds or any of that BS.

PP just said her MIL doesn’t take meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

Stop life prolonging measures. That's what I will do. It's actually pretty simple. If it's pain just give me pain killer, let me get addicted, then I'll die a painless death. Seriously, I won't need a new hip after 70 or a heart or whatever, just pain killer if I'm in pain.

It is not that simple. What if you get dementia? My MIL has had dementia now for 7 years. She doesn’t take any medications. Her life has been basically miserable for the past 7+ years. She gets no enjoyment out of anything, isn’t aware of her surroundings, doesn’t know who anyone is…she is just surviving w basically no quality of life. But physically she’s quite healthy and strong and she’s in her early 70s. Drs say she could live a long time like this potentially. We’ve heard sometimes ppl w dementia will refuse to eat/drink. If she did that, we’d let her die that way (I know it sounds awful) but so far she has a very healthy appetite, surprisingly. The most likely way I see her dying at this point is if she gets covid or the flu or some other respiratory virus that turns into pneumonia otherwise I’m afraid this could continue for many years.

Usually you still have lucid periods before you are diagnosed/when you are diagnosed. I will make the decision to end it during a lucid period. I'm not taking meds or any of that BS.

So you’ll kill yourself at first sign of cognitive decline? Or are you just saying you won’t take meds? Bc even without meds many people live a long time w dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

At the very least they shouldn't be draining Medicare with unreasonable, expensive procedures aimed at slightly extending their miserable lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

At the very least they shouldn't be draining Medicare with unreasonable, expensive procedures aimed at slightly extending their miserable lives.

I totally agree w that. But unfortunately ppl don’t get to choose when they die and many people live a long time even w/o unreasonable or expensive medications/procedures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

This seems to be what my 90 yo mother wants.