WWYD husband’s affair partner posted video melange from 2023

[Anonymous]

OP when you posted about this back in June, you got a lot of responses imploring you to think hard about whether you really want to stay with a cheater. And not just any cheater, one who said vicious, cruel things about you to the woman he was sleeping with.

And now here you are six months later, and this social media thing pops up. You’re six months older, and I am guessing still miserable.

How do you want to live your life, at this point? Your therapist won’t say it, but I will. This whole situation is trash. And trashy. What he did with her was trashy, what she posted was trashy. This will continue for the rest of your life, either the cheating or these high school level drama seeking attention grabs.

You get to pick how you want to live. But I strongly suspect that you two are NOT in as good a place as you say. He’s either still sleeping with her and/or you’re still triggered by her antics.

I know this forum is an easy place to turn because of the anonymity. Your therapist isn’t going to call the AP a whore, or your husband a loser. But we see things clearly and are here to tell you this isn’t ever going to truly be better. We aren’t relying on your health insurance dollars. You really need to wake up and face the music with this man who was supposed to protect and cherish your heart.

It’s a new year. Do the right thing for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry that would make me want to vomit

Absolutely!
Omg!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP when you posted about this back in June, you got a lot of responses imploring you to think hard about whether you really want to stay with a cheater. And not just any cheater, one who said vicious, cruel things about you to the woman he was sleeping with.

And now here you are six months later, and this social media thing pops up. You’re six months older, and I am guessing still miserable.

How do you want to live your life, at this point? Your therapist won’t say it, but I will. This whole situation is trash. And trashy. What he did with her was trashy, what she posted was trashy. This will continue for the rest of your life, either the cheating or these high school level drama seeking attention grabs.

You get to pick how you want to live. But I strongly suspect that you two are NOT in as good a place as you say. He’s either still sleeping with her and/or you’re still triggered by her antics.

I know this forum is an easy place to turn because of the anonymity. Your therapist isn’t going to call the AP a whore, or your husband a loser. But we see things clearly and are here to tell you this isn’t ever going to truly be better. We aren’t relying on your health insurance dollars. You really need to wake up and face the music with this man who was supposed to protect and cherish your heart.

It’s a new year. Do the right thing for yourself.

OP, I think this poster is correct. I hope you know you’re not deserving of disrespect on any level, and that you have the power to change your life and to be happier. I do think people can cheat and still be good people, but your husband’s conduct and choices and this woman lashing out like a tacky sad ahole - they aren’t worth your soul.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband even worth worrying about. He has both of you wrapped around his finger! 🤮

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave him OP. Come on, why are you torturing yourself like this?

Agree. Staying is self-harming at this point. You gave it your all but some things can't be undone. You deserve peace. Let them both go.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you’re bringing up all the issues surrounding your husband’s affair in different threads, positioning the problem in different ways, and leaving out context in this most recent thread is indicative that you’re not seeing the situation in its entirety.

If I had just read this most recent post, I’d think the AP was a looney tune trying to get under your skin after your husband left her. But that’s not what’s happening here. He’s obviously still seeing her. The fact that he had a full blown relationship with her, complete with flowers and travel, and dragging your name through the mud to her, does not bode well for this social media stunt being nothing more than her attempt to get a rise out of you.

So in this post, you ask the question What should I do? I’d tell you to look back at what he’s capable of. OP, this man will cheat on you for the rest of your life, and you’re grasping at straws from internet strangers hoping one of us will tell you that she’s just crazy. She’s not. She’s still with him and just doesn’t care what you think because you’ve indicated you’re willow to take back a cheater, and she’s free to carry on with him as she pleases.

Seems you’ve gone silent on this thread since it was pointed out you’re the same poster from last summer. You need to wake up OP and stop allowing them to do this to you.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I know with absolute certainty they are not together

My husband has done an incredible amount of work . He’s in counseling, I’m in counseling, we are in counseling. We are doing really well.

I’ve been in a much better place as of late but yes seeing her posts is triggering. I need to stop looking.

In terms of my mental health, this has been life altering and very tough in part as I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and I’ve learned this kind of thing re- triggers a lot of past things - my apologies if I’ve seemed “dramatic” or seeking too much from strangers.

This kind of situation can be very isolating and lonely. I am very confident in my marriage at this point. Perhaps despite posts, I’m a very put together, typically confident person-

And everyone is right/ I need to let her ridiculousness go —

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The video includes dates together and other things (flowers) etc from my husband including his voice in one. No clear pictures of him but notes with his name on it… She’s not married. The affair is well over and my husband and I are in a good place, but feel like I should say something? WWYD? I guess she has the right to post whatever she wants to. Still hard.

OP, I'm sorry this happened but I can guarantee you your DH still gets hard for AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably hasn’t moved on…

This exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The video includes dates together and other things (flowers) etc from my husband including his voice in one. No clear pictures of him but notes with his name on it… She’s not married. The affair is well over and my husband and I are in a good place, but feel like I should say something? WWYD? I guess she has the right to post whatever she wants to. Still hard.

OP, I'm sorry this happened but I can guarantee you your DH still gets hard for AP.

Every ow loves to believe she had that kind of impact.

I know men that can’t even remember the name or much else about former women they banged/had relationships with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I know with absolute certainty they are not together

My husband has done an incredible amount of work . He’s in counseling, I’m in counseling, we are in counseling. We are doing really well.

I’ve been in a much better place as of late but yes seeing her posts is triggering. I need to stop looking.

In terms of my mental health, this has been life altering and very tough in part as I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and I’ve learned this kind of thing re- triggers a lot of past things - my apologies if I’ve seemed “dramatic” or seeking too much from strangers.

This kind of situation can be very isolating and lonely. I am very confident in my marriage at this point. Perhaps despite posts, I’m a very put together, typically confident person-

And everyone is right/ I need to let her ridiculousness go —

OP, have you talked with your individual therapist about how you are still looking at the OW's social media? And asked your therapist for strategies, ways to think when you are tempted to look, so you can learn to let that behavior of yours go? If you have not delved into this with the therapist, please do. This is one of the things the therapist is there for. Figure out why you keep looking. It's the equivalent of pulling off a scab again and again. A good therapist should be able to work with you on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do nothing.

Why are you checking her social?

This

I would too. It hasn’t even been a year for OP.

I love how these OW/APs stalk the wives for YEARS without their knowledge…and then after they blow up the betrayed wife’s life and she’s trying to piece together what was her reality all that time she was being gaslit—they get self righteous.

It’s a natural compulsion to look. Who wouldn’t want to know who the interloper was and what they are about?

But- It will drive you mad and then you will learn it’s a trigger. To completely get her out of your head, you learn not to look her up anymore or give her a shred of a thought. The ironic part of it is—ask cheating men —they completely move on and forget the side piece—but once the wife knows she’ll have every detail she learns imprinted on her brain.

It’s true- the men move on and the women have a sort of intimate strangers level of knowledge about one another, which is toxic yet somehow satifying. They compete for a plastic carnival prize that off-gasses noxious fumes.

This.

Dump him, OP. Also, call a lawyer and accountant. Maybe he realized how much it would cost to divorce so changed his mind/ is hiding the money. Ask me how I know (close friend husband did almost similar and hid the money while they were "reconciling")... Get tested for all STDs.

Also, you sure AP didn't get pregnant?

You deserve SO MUCH better, OP. Your kids will be fine and it will be good for them to see you stand up for yourself and not to stay in a bad relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I know with absolute certainty they are not together

My husband has done an incredible amount of work . He’s in counseling, I’m in counseling, we are in counseling. We are doing really well.

I’ve been in a much better place as of late but yes seeing her posts is triggering. I need to stop looking.

In terms of my mental health, this has been life altering and very tough in part as I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and I’ve learned this kind of thing re- triggers a lot of past things - my apologies if I’ve seemed “dramatic” or seeking too much from strangers.

This kind of situation can be very isolating and lonely. I am very confident in my marriage at this point. Perhaps despite posts, I’m a very put together, typically confident person-

And everyone is right/ I need to let her ridiculousness go —

OP, have you talked with your individual therapist about how you are still looking at the OW's social media? And asked your therapist for strategies, ways to think when you are tempted to look, so you can learn to let that behavior of yours go? If you have not delved into this with the therapist, please do. This is one of the things the therapist is there for. Figure out why you keep looking. It's the equivalent of pulling off a scab again and again. A good therapist should be able to work with you on this.

Absolutely. Work in progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do nothing.

Why are you checking her social?

This

I would too. It hasn’t even been a year for OP.

I love how these OW/APs stalk the wives for YEARS without their knowledge…and then after they blow up the betrayed wife’s life and she’s trying to piece together what was her reality all that time she was being gaslit—they get self righteous.

It’s a natural compulsion to look. Who wouldn’t want to know who the interloper was and what they are about?

But- It will drive you mad and then you will learn it’s a trigger. To completely get her out of your head, you learn not to look her up anymore or give her a shred of a thought. The ironic part of it is—ask cheating men —they completely move on and forget the side piece—but once the wife knows she’ll have every detail she learns imprinted on her brain.

It’s true- the men move on and the women have a sort of intimate strangers level of knowledge about one another, which is toxic yet somehow satifying. They compete for a plastic carnival prize that off-gasses noxious fumes.

This.

Dump him, OP. Also, call a lawyer and accountant. Maybe he realized how much it would cost to divorce so changed his mind/ is hiding the money. Ask me how I know (close friend husband did almost similar and hid the money while they were "reconciling")... Get tested for all STDs.

Also, you sure AP didn't get pregnant?

You deserve SO MUCH better, OP. Your kids will be fine and it will be good for them to see you stand up for yourself and not to stay in a bad relationship.

No to all

I am well protected financially

My husband is working very hard and I believe in change if someone is remorseful and humble. We hit a very bad stretch for a lot of reasons- not an excuse for his behavior- but just part of understanding it all and working on our marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The video includes dates together and other things (flowers) etc from my husband including his voice in one. No clear pictures of him but notes with his name on it… She’s not married. The affair is well over and my husband and I are in a good place, but feel like I should say something? WWYD? I guess she has the right to post whatever she wants to. Still hard.

OP, I'm sorry this happened but I can guarantee you your DH still gets hard for AP.

Every ow loves to believe she had that kind of impact.

I know men that can’t even remember the name or much else about former women they banged/had relationships with.

Nah. Once it ends. if they care about their wives and healing their marriage, they find the OW a disgusting reminder of their mistakes