Teen girl telling boyfriend no sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me as a parent of 17 year old twins.
My kids are very social but neither has a boyfriend/girlfriend and neither do any of their friends. I'm sure some have had a random sexual experience but no one is breaking up over not getting sex. They're not even having sex. Or kissing. Or anything. These are different times for teenagers.

I don't think I'm off base on this. My friends with slightly older teenagers talk about the same thing. Several sent sons to college last year who (to their knowledge) had never kissed anyone. I'm sure that not all of them know their son's every move but some of them probably have an accurate picture. And to they're knowledge they're not having sex. Let alone putting down sexual ultimatums. And these are well adjusted, social, popular kids.

My DS is in 10th grade at a local private school. DS has kissed a girl (he tells me these things). He has a large group of friends and 4 of the boys have girlfriends. My DS told my college age DD (who told me ) that 3 of the 4 boys are having sex weekly with their girlfriends. They are all 15 and 16 years old. So I have heard the statistics about how teens aren’t having as much sex as our generation, but it seems about the same as what I saw in the 80s.

yes, i wouldn't be surprised (at all) if some are but many others do not have girlfriends. I truly don't think I'm off base on this with my 17 year old son. He has a twin sister who has access to his social media (snap and instagram) and she generally tells me what is going on. He's popular and has an active social life but no girlfriend. For that I am grateful, i guess. His close friends also don't either. They pretty much just hang out as a pack of guys. It's surprising to me.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why anyone would find a 16 year old girl's boundaries with regards to sexual activity weird. Would it seem more realistic to have no boundaries?

There are boys who aren't so sure about it either, and may well be relieved to not have the pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why anyone would find a 16 year old girl's boundaries with regards to sexual activity weird. Would it seem more realistic to have no boundaries?

There are boys who aren't so sure about it either, and may well be relieved to not have the pressure.

It's wonderful for people to be self-aware, and to set boundaries they are comfortable with. But I don't think it's reasonable to expect that other people are going to be THRILLED by those boundaries. Unless they are super religious, asexual, not interested in girls, or something like that. There may be the one in a million teen boy who'd, when pressed, prefer not to have sex - and maybe OP's daughter's boyfriend is one of them, or is interested enough in her that he's willing to stay in a relationship even with them. But don't dangle the unrealistic promise that he is going to be RELIEVED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

But this is not about "right now". She is ruling it out completely until some arbitrary point in time. She has a right to do so, obviously, but it is unusual for a girl who nevertheless wants to have a boyfriend.

I completely disagree. I guess we have different circles, but why is it unusual to enjoy someone's company, but not want to have sex? They are teenagers and sex complicates things.

Even adults who date set an arbitrary point in time to make sure they are comfortable in a relationship before sex. There are plenty of teens in my life with boyfriends/girlfriends who don't want to have sex. Some do, but it's far from unusual to want a boyfriend without sex as a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

But this is not about "right now". She is ruling it out completely until some arbitrary point in time. She has a right to do so, obviously, but it is unusual for a girl who nevertheless wants to have a boyfriend.

I completely disagree. I guess we have different circles, but why is it unusual to enjoy someone's company, but not want to have sex? They are teenagers and sex complicates things.

Even adults who date set an arbitrary point in time to make sure they are comfortable in a relationship before sex. There are plenty of teens in my life with boyfriends/girlfriends who don't want to have sex. Some do, but it's far from unusual to want a boyfriend without sex as a teen.

- then he is not really a boyfriend; he’s just another friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

But this is not about "right now". She is ruling it out completely until some arbitrary point in time. She has a right to do so, obviously, but it is unusual for a girl who nevertheless wants to have a boyfriend.

I completely disagree. I guess we have different circles, but why is it unusual to enjoy someone's company, but not want to have sex? They are teenagers and sex complicates things.

Even adults who date set an arbitrary point in time to make sure they are comfortable in a relationship before sex. There are plenty of teens in my life with boyfriends/girlfriends who don't want to have sex. Some do, but it's far from unusual to want a boyfriend without sex as a teen.

- then he is not really a boyfriend; he’s just another friend.

I guess it boils down to: what does "of any kind" mean?

Bc if they go out to the movies or sit together at lunch and text, but there's not even any kissing, then that's just a best friend.

But if there is kissing, but it stops there, then its still a BF.

But to be honest, it would also be perfectly normal (and acceptable), if this BF heard the boundaries and said "I respect your boundaries, but they're not for me"

Which is okay. A break-up like that can happen where nobody is at fault

[Anonymous]

Dating does not necessarily means having sex.

It can also mean just having feelings of love, care and tenderness that is reciprocated by the other party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why anyone would find a 16 year old girl's boundaries with regards to sexual activity weird. Would it seem more realistic to have no boundaries?

There are boys who aren't so sure about it either, and may well be relieved to not have the pressure.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

But this is not about "right now". She is ruling it out completely until some arbitrary point in time. She has a right to do so, obviously, but it is unusual for a girl who nevertheless wants to have a boyfriend.

I completely disagree. I guess we have different circles, but why is it unusual to enjoy someone's company, but not want to have sex? They are teenagers and sex complicates things.

Even adults who date set an arbitrary point in time to make sure they are comfortable in a relationship before sex. There are plenty of teens in my life with boyfriends/girlfriends who don't want to have sex. Some do, but it's far from unusual to want a boyfriend without sex as a teen.

Because they are at an age when their hormones are going absolutely effin wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

I waited until I was 30 and married. Your advice sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not a troll. just saying, she might have some issues around sex worth figuring out and while this boyfriend is not very important, a later one might be.

Lol. My DS17 hasn't had sex because he has service academy dreams and a baby would end those. There are soooo many reasons CHILDREN aren't ready for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

Every time this scenario played out in my high school, the girl who broke up with the boy since she wasn't ready for sex, ended up having sex with the next boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

Every time this scenario played out in my high school, the girl who broke up with the boy since she wasn't ready for sex, ended up having sex with the next boyfriend.

Well, yes, not wanting to have sex with a particular guy is valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The underlying assumption in many posts is that a girls virginity is valuable by itself and she shouldn’t compromise her purity, values or morals by having sex too early. Somehow that argument is never made for the boy.

Sorry, but we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. Plenty of teenagers start their sex life in high school and end up as well functioning adults.

That is NOT the same interpretation I came away with from this thread. At all.

This has nothing to do with this girl’s virginity value and everything to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex right now.

But this is not about "right now". She is ruling it out completely until some arbitrary point in time. She has a right to do so, obviously, but it is unusual for a girl who nevertheless wants to have a boyfriend.

I completely disagree. I guess we have different circles, but why is it unusual to enjoy someone's company, but not want to have sex? They are teenagers and sex complicates things.

Even adults who date set an arbitrary point in time to make sure they are comfortable in a relationship before sex. There are plenty of teens in my life with boyfriends/girlfriends who don't want to have sex. Some do, but it's far from unusual to want a boyfriend without sex as a teen.

- then he is not really a boyfriend; he’s just another friend.

I guess it boils down to: what does "of any kind" mean?

Bc if they go out to the movies or sit together at lunch and text, but there's not even any kissing, then that's just a best friend.

But if there is kissing, but it stops there, then its still a BF.

But to be honest, it would also be perfectly normal (and acceptable), if this BF heard the boundaries and said "I respect your boundaries, but they're not for me"

Which is okay. A break-up like that can happen where nobody is at fault

I disagree even on that. You could have romantic feelings for someone and yet not do anything physical, especially in the teen years. I think that's more than a platonic relationship with a best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

Every time this scenario played out in my high school, the girl who broke up with the boy since she wasn't ready for sex, ended up having sex with the next boyfriend.

so she is just not attracted to her current boyfriend?