Teen girl telling boyfriend no sex.

[Anonymous]

Teen girl 16 wants to tell her boyfriend (also 16) she’s not up for sex (of any kind) while she’s in high school. She’s worried she’s going to lose him and she’s not sure how to approach it.

I want to offer her helpful advice, but I’m not sure what to say.

[Anonymous]

The only helpful advice is that it's okay to lose him.

[Anonymous]

I mean, she might. But that will tell her all she needs to know about him. She needs to stay true to her values and her comfort level.

It could also be HE isn't ready for it.

[Anonymous]

If he won't respect her decision, he's not worth her respect. He needs to decide if she is more important, or sex is. Let the chips fall where they may.

[Anonymous]

why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

oh the horror

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only helpful advice is that it's okay to lose him.

This. Most teen boys are not going to want a long term relationship with no sex of any kind. It's ok for him to want something and ok for her to want nothing and ok for them to break up over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

Impressed that there wasn't a dumb response like this until a whole four posts!

[Anonymous]

She also needs to learn that even when you really care for someone (or really like a job or a team or a city or … whatever), sometimes your values or your needs aren’t compatible. And it doesn’t mean you don’t love them or they aren’t great or it doesn’t hurt a ton to let them go… but you can’t make something a fit when it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only helpful advice is that it's okay to lose him.

This. Most teen boys are not going to want a long term relationship with no sex of any kind. It's ok for him to want something and ok for her to want nothing and ok for them to break up over it.

+1

It’s fine for the girl to not want sex, it’s fine for the boy to want it, or the other way around. It doesn’t mean anyone has high ‘values’ or ‘morals’, just that people want different things.

If they don’t want the same in their relationship, it’s fine to go on to their separate ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

Ok, troll.

[Anonymous]

not a troll. just saying, she might have some issues around sex worth figuring out and while this boyfriend is not very important, a later one might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is she not up for sex of any kind? not saying she should do it for the boyfriend. however, i also had a friend who was very attractive but kept avoiding sex and ended up unmarried.

Maybe because she’s 16, not emotionally ready, and doesn’t want to risk becoming a teenage parent?

[Anonymous]

Be honest with her. She may lose him and that's ok. Its better that he breaks up with her vs pressure her. Also don't villify him if he does break up with her, its the better thing to do if he wants a sexual relationship and she doesn't.

Talk to her about handling different scenarios especially ones where he may pressure or guilt her. I had a guy once tell me he'd just cheat if I wouldn't have sex with him. I told him he wouldn't have to cheat because I was dumping him.

As an aside, I just want to say you're obviously doing something right as a parent if she's coming to you about this. I was never able to go to my mom for relationship stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not a troll. just saying, she might have some issues around sex worth figuring out and while this boyfriend is not very important, a later one might be.

YOU are the one who have issues around sex. Get help.