Introduced me as his friend

[Anonymous]

op, i'm sorry he didn't refer to you as his theyfriend or sheherhersfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’m overacting. To me saying friend sounds like FWB or until you meet the next chick. It’s better to just say the persons name and show affection. Friend is also disingenuous because we are not friends.

You’re not friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the two of you discussed how you want to label yourselves? If not, I can understand why he didn’t want to be presumptuous and call you his GF. Use your words and talk to him.

We have discussed it before and didn’t see eye to eye. He thinks boyfriend/girlfriend is some HUGE title. He see it the way I see being engaged. The day to day of our relationship is very good. We act like a couple and as far as I can tell (and from his words) he isn’t seeing anyone else. I guess I just have to deal with this “friend” thing. But for me it’s annoying. Titles are a form of respect in my eyes. An even though our relationship emotionally progresses there is a part of me that has a hard time taking him seriously as a potential partner because he keeps calling me his friend.

you're someone he likes to hang out with and have sex with, but he's not *that* serious about you.

I dated someone like this, but we were in our early 20s. I was his "friend" but he asked to let him know if I was dating other people so that he would know if he should move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the two of you discussed how you want to label yourselves? If not, I can understand why he didn’t want to be presumptuous and call you his GF. Use your words and talk to him.

We have discussed it before and didn’t see eye to eye. He thinks boyfriend/girlfriend is some HUGE title. He see it the way I see being engaged. The day to day of our relationship is very good. We act like a couple and as far as I can tell (and from his words) he isn’t seeing anyone else. I guess I just have to deal with this “friend” thing. But for me it’s annoying. Titles are a form of respect in my eyes. An even though our relationship emotionally progresses there is a part of me that has a hard time taking him seriously as a potential partner because he keeps calling me his friend.

You should have mentioned this in your first post, OP. It's so irritating when people do this - it changes the entire tenor of the issue. This is a big problem. He doesn't want to commit, even with words.

Apologies for not making the original post longer. The odd thing is that he is very committed in deeds. He initiates spending a ton of time together, plans dates, is always there for me when I need him, invites me into his social life, brings me to work events, considers me in the future, etc. He is just adamant about not calling me his girlfriend. That leads me to be confused on whether I should just continue and be happy because we get along very well, or if this word hang up is indicative of a larger commitment problem.

NP - he’s pulling this crap in his 40s? Hell no. If he were in his early 20s, I might give him a pass for immaturity. That’s a total deal-breaker for a man in his 40s to behave this way.

I don’t follow what’s crap here. Sounds like his actions are just right but OP is unhappy with the label. I guess I’m old enough to think actions speak louder than words.

Introducing her as his "friend" because he thinks "girlfriend" tantamount to fiancee (Lol) *is* an action. The OP said she felt like "a random chick he's screwing" when he introduced her as such. Why stay with someone around whom you feel that way?

OP here. I’d just like to say I normally just feel like his girlfriend because that is how we’ve been acting for a months. But in the moment of being introduced it just felt stupid to be called a friend when there is nothing platonic about us. He regularly brings me around his social circle and I’d be very surprised if there are any other women he currently brings around. But there appears to be this hesitation on his part to assume that I’ll be his date a year from now. It’s odd because he does like me and his friends always comment on how happy he is with me and some have even asked when we are getting married (though that is a bit much for me).

I'm the PP you're quoting - please don't discount your feeling stupid in the moment. I'd probably feel humiliated, since you've been acting like a couple in many ways. I think it's lousy of him to treat you like a girlfriend in many respects and yet refuse to acknowledge that to others. As I said earlier, that's a deal-breaker for me with a man in his 40s. This isn't something he's likely to grow out of. Moreover, you deserve someone who is excited to introduce you to close friends as his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Calling a woman in her 40's a "GIRLfriend" sounds a bit odd. I can see why he didn't use the term.

Find something more substantiveu to be mad about.

Okay than say partner.

Partner is too serious

+1

Partner implies a committed, long term relationship. This ain't it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I’m overacting. To me saying friend sounds like FWB or until you meet the next chick. It’s better to just say the persons name and show affection. Friend is also disingenuous because we are not friends.

He's not interested in commitment. Now you know.

[Anonymous]

OP - it seems the issue is you want different things / regard your current relationship differently. If he’s playing the “labels don’t matter” card and you don’t agree, then you’re not on the same page. Get clear for yourself - and walk away if he’s not valuing the relationship like you are.

[Anonymous]

He should have used the word partner but I’d be willing to bet it was just an awkward throwaway introduction where he wasn’t sure the proper word. If you want to bring it up later maybe just joke like “so I’m a pretty good friend right?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should have used the word partner but I’d be willing to bet it was just an awkward throwaway introduction where he wasn’t sure the proper word. If you want to bring it up later maybe just joke like “so I’m a pretty good friend right?”

Oh never mind, just caught up on this thread. Sounds like he was being cagey with the introduction on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Bull shit... he's an ass hole.. the other girls are full of white too.. they already know and trying to revolk...sad..sad..sad..... this girl that allows him to just tell these other girls that she is just a friend

[Anonymous]

I have no idea how this got pulled back up but I’m the OP. So here’s an update!

He wasn’t looking for real commitment. it was very confusing since he does all the behaviors of a man who is looking for commitment. this is his thing. he does it over and over. I ended things with him a few months after this post. he was shocked since we got along so well. We are friends now. Outside of commitment issue he is a nice guy and is a great friend to have in a jam. He is off being noncommittal with someone else now. he claims he wants to enter a relationship with her, but I don’t buy it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. You are being ridiculous and about to be single again if you keep acting so petty and insecure. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

I dated someone when I was in my 20s who was this way. We dated for about a year and he was very anti-labels, anti-meeting my parents, anti-expressing feelings like love, etc. But we hung out all the time. He had serious commitment issues.

20+ years later and he has never been married. I assume due to the same commitment issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea how this got pulled back up but I’m the OP. So here’s an update!

He wasn’t looking for real commitment. it was very confusing since he does all the behaviors of a man who is looking for commitment. this is his thing. he does it over and over. I ended things with him a few months after this post. he was shocked since we got along so well. We are friends now. Outside of commitment issue he is a nice guy and is a great friend to have in a jam. He is off being noncommittal with someone else now. he claims he wants to enter a relationship with her, but I don’t buy it.

So your gut was right. I’m impressed you can remain friends - maybe because you never got too close or emotionally intimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have the two of you discussed how you want to label yourselves? If not, I can understand why he didn’t want to be presumptuous and call you his GF. Use your words and talk to him.

We have discussed it before and didn’t see eye to eye. He thinks boyfriend/girlfriend is some HUGE title. He see it the way I see being engaged. The day to day of our relationship is very good. We act like a couple and as far as I can tell (and from his words) he isn’t seeing anyone else. I guess I just have to deal with this “friend” thing. But for me it’s annoying. Titles are a form of respect in my eyes. An even though our relationship emotionally progresses there is a part of me that has a hard time taking him seriously as a potential partner because he keeps calling me his friend.

you're someone he likes to hang out with and have sex with, but he's not *that* serious about you.

I dated someone like this, but we were in our early 20s. I was his "friend" but he asked to let him know if I was dating other people so that he would know if he should move on.

You are his sex partner for the moment. He is keeping his options open. Your relationship is not long-term or monogamous. Even if it looks like that it is.

You should continue looking while you are with him.