When people say ‘we are not ok’ in response to news events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see "not ok" posts it's usually in regards to violent crimes happening and surging in the news. Police killings of black people, Asian hate, LGBTQ losing rights, now Jews being killed by terrorists. And all of the people saying this are saying it because on some level they fear for their own safety (I mean I'm not even Jewish and I'm wondering if we'll see an uptick in terrorism on US soil) or are closely linked emotionally to those being marginalized/attacked. Either way, if I see it and it's a friend, it doesn't matter to me if they're personally privileged or not - a friend checks in because they care, and it's a cry for help.

My closest friendship is falling apart because of this. My friend is lovely and so caring in so many ways (she works in social justice), but she's just incapable of expressing any empathy for anyone she feels is...not even more privileged that she is, but someone who has challenges that are different from hers. I've tried to express my feelings to her over the past several days, but she just ignores my messages, and then drops in once a day to text "That sucks". At first I thought she was uncomfortable for political reasons, but then I remembered the time I was in the hospital and heard nothing from her. She didn't even acknowledge it, or my six-week recovery, even though we were in touch every day of that time. The one vulnerability we share is being women, and I can count on her vehement support if I have a negative encounter with a man. But if it's anything else, she can't seem to bring herself to care. The one time she did actually engage with me about the current conflict in Israel/Gaza, she ranted about male violence. So I guess next time someone catcalls me and it bothers me, I'll reach out. But if I have a heart attack, if my pet dies, if someone spray paints a swastika on my door, I know she won't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“We are not ok” = look at me! I never see this from people personally affected by something.

+1
I have to agree with this. And if "you are not ok", well what will you be doing about it? Any productive steps? Just saying "we are not ok" seems to me to be signaling for attention in such a passive way.

Well for starters, we are processing it with friends who have the empathy and patience to listen, instead of making fun of our fear and worry on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I too am curious what people who say this need as a response. I'm empathetic but beyond that what can I do?

Attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see similar behavior on Palestinian side as well. Just because its not your loved ones, it doesn't mean you can't feel the pain. You feel it more when people suffering are your own race, religion, nationality, age, gender etc but you can feel it for people on the other side of the conflict or just for random people's suffering. All humans want and deserve protection and prosperity for their families. We shouldn't have to be scared of each other.

There is one good thing about us humans, we can feel pain of other humans. Suffering and fear of it is bad and each one of us knows that, don't have to personally get shot or develop cancer to know what it entails.

May we feel enough to end all injustices we can and find solutions to all disputes we can. If you kill one man, its like you've killed all humanity. Live, let live. Share, bare and care. Life is precious, don't waste it to subdue others, use it to lift others up.

These are the kind of banal phrases the OP is referencing.

+1. Insipid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see similar behavior on Palestinian side as well. Just because its not your loved ones, it doesn't mean you can't feel the pain. You feel it more when people suffering are your own race, religion, nationality, age, gender etc but you can feel it for people on the other side of the conflict or just for random people's suffering. All humans want and deserve protection and prosperity for their families. We shouldn't have to be scared of each other.

There is one good thing about us humans, we can feel pain of other humans. Suffering and fear of it is bad and each one of us knows that, don't have to personally get shot or develop cancer to know what it entails.

May we feel enough to end all injustices we can and find solutions to all disputes we can. If you kill one man, its like you've killed all humanity. Live, let live. Share, bare and care. Life is precious, don't waste it to subdue others, use it to lift others up.

These are the kind of banal phrases the OP is referencing.

That's the problem because these banal basics ARE what we need.

No. Are you in middle school?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, and I'm not Jewish, but I think I might be having a much more difficult time in the world if I were. The realization that there are whole groups of people who want them wiped off the planet is existentially terrifying. As a woman, I am pretty sure lots of men would want us wiped out too if they could get their sexual and reproductive needs met elsewhere, and often the pervasive misogyny in the world is really exhausting to think about and live in. I don't understand the level of crazy antisemitism in the world. It is terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm proud of you OP. So brave of you that the murder of hundreds doesn't distract you from building another addition on your house.

Your attention seeking posts on social media are doing nothing to help the situation either. Just FYI.

not PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t specifically said this as a response to anyone and I am not on social media so don’t post things like this, but if someone asked me how I am today, I am not OK. I am physically fine but I am watching footage of terrorists kill and rape people who are friends of my friends and family. I do not feel fine. I’m not jumping on any bandwagon, it is how I am feeling

didn't op specifically say unless it's your friends and family?
op I agree I see this all the time and it's - not sure what the name is but - people making it about themselves. It feels icky to me not because i don't doubt they are sad but because it's like - you are not the one this is happening to so one should keep the spotlight there.

It’s because use you lack empathy. That’s the ick.

Oh, you’re a child. That explains everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm proud of you OP. So brave of you that the murder of hundreds doesn't distract you from building another addition on your house.

DP. And what are YOU doing about it? Besides crying and seeking attention and accolades for how amazingly empathetic you are? On your way to Israel to take up arms? Or maybe you’re already a member of MSF and you’re about to head to Gaza?

You have a hyperactive imagination.

So nothing then. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see "not ok" posts it's usually in regards to violent crimes happening and surging in the news. Police killings of black people, Asian hate, LGBTQ losing rights, now Jews being killed by terrorists. And all of the people saying this are saying it because on some level they fear for their own safety (I mean I'm not even Jewish and I'm wondering if we'll see an uptick in terrorism on US soil) or are closely linked emotionally to those being marginalized/attacked. Either way, if I see it and it's a friend, it doesn't matter to me if they're personally privileged or not - a friend checks in because they care, and it's a cry for help.

My closest friendship is falling apart because of this. My friend is lovely and so caring in so many ways (she works in social justice), but she's just incapable of expressing any empathy for anyone she feels is...not even more privileged that she is, but someone who has challenges that are different from hers. I've tried to express my feelings to her over the past several days, but she just ignores my messages, and then drops in once a day to text "That sucks". At first I thought she was uncomfortable for political reasons, but then I remembered the time I was in the hospital and heard nothing from her. She didn't even acknowledge it, or my six-week recovery, even though we were in touch every day of that time. The one vulnerability we share is being women, and I can count on her vehement support if I have a negative encounter with a man. But if it's anything else, she can't seem to bring herself to care. The one time she did actually engage with me about the current conflict in Israel/Gaza, she ranted about male violence. So I guess next time someone catcalls me and it bothers me, I'll reach out. But if I have a heart attack, if my pet dies, if someone spray paints a swastika on my door, I know she won't care.

Sorry PP. I’m 41 and have shed some friends in the past couple years. Not due to COVID or because I’m an introvert but due to me raising my standards. I’ve learned who my real friends are. The others are acquaintances to keep at arms’ length only. This also includes my family.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it’s dramatic and attention seeking. And I’ve noticed it tends to come from people who haven’t experienced real hardship and are quite immature. I know people who have said this about school shootings, the abortion ruling, etc. where large categories of people are indirectly affected but somehow they want special sympathy.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on who is saying it and what other things they post on social media. If the person is just saying "I am not ok" with regards to the Israel/Gaza situation, I don't have a problem at all with that. It is really upsetting especially if you have personal ties. Actually, I think it's helpful to know when someone is struggling. Of course, if the person has a history of attention-seeking behavior on social media, that is different, but I don't keep in touch with people like that.

It does annoy me when people exhort everyone in their network to reach out to their Jewish friends. First of all, it's not just Jewish people who are impacted. And not all Jewish people have the same personal/emotional ties to Israel. I think this notion that everyone needs to anticipate how everyone else is feeling based on national or global events based on that person's religious or racial identity is unhelpful.

[Anonymous]

Israel is the second place I've lived that has been attacked by terrorists after I've lived there. The first was Nairobi.

It's hard to describe how it feels to see dead people lying in front of the grocery store entrance you used to walk through (Nairobi) or a mom hiding from gunmen with her kids the same age as yours next to the elevator you used to take with your kids as you headed to your car (Nairobi) or the highway you drove on with bombed and burned out cars on it (Israel) or straining to see the street signs to see if the bombed out building was one you used to go in (Israel). It's hard. It's emotional. And then you feel kind of dumb for feeling emotional because you aren't there anymore and all you can do is worry and think of the people you know that are still there and hope they are ok.

Totally fine to just scroll on by, but maybe try to absorb that other people are living a different experience than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it’s dramatic and attention seeking. And I’ve noticed it tends to come from people who haven’t experienced real hardship and are quite immature. I know people who have said this about school shootings, the abortion ruling, etc. where large categories of people are indirectly affected but somehow they want special sympathy.

This this this.
I’m Jewish but there are a million ways to talk about what’s happening without making it about ME. Like ‘I’m not ok’ seems ridiculous thing to say considering hostages and people being bombed while I go to Starbucks. Don’t get me wrong I’m horrified, upset, concerned. But it’s not about me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Israel is the second place I've lived that has been attacked by terrorists after I've lived there. The first was Nairobi.

It's hard to describe how it feels to see dead people lying in front of the grocery store entrance you used to walk through (Nairobi) or a mom hiding from gunmen with her kids the same age as yours next to the elevator you used to take with your kids as you headed to your car (Nairobi) or the highway you drove on with bombed and burned out cars on it (Israel) or straining to see the street signs to see if the bombed out building was one you used to go in (Israel). It's hard. It's emotional. And then you feel kind of dumb for feeling emotional because you aren't there anymore and all you can do is worry and think of the people you know that are still there and hope they are ok.

Totally fine to just scroll on by, but maybe try to absorb that other people are living a different experience than you are.

Dude this post was never about people IN Israel or with friends or family there. It’s about people just jumping on the bandwagon.