When people say ‘we are not ok’ in response to news events

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"We are not ok" means that the news and events are impacting someone deeply. We see a lot of terrible things on the news and most people have become numb to it. However, there are some events that feel very close to home -- it can be a school shooting where the victims are of similar age to our own children, a terrorist attack that feels so random and vile that it puts you on edge (we live in DC after all), or a simple criminal act that has parallels to your own experiences and trauma.

We are not ok means that we can't think or act like we normally do. It doesn't mean you give them a free pass to coast or ignore responsibilities, but it signals that more empathy may be needed.

right but.... really?
I feel like it's the privilege of those who have never had anything really terrible happen to them that they get to say 'I am not ok' during a news event that actually does not really impact them personally at ALL.

Many parents I know find reports of school shootings deeply upsetting. I don't think that's "privilege." My kid is same age as many of the Uvalde victims. I found that story really hard to read and process, because I had so much empathy for the parents and horror at what those kids went through. It did impact me: it made me sad, and angry, and scared. It made sending my own kid off to school so much harder. It impacted a lot of parents and kids. If someone had asked me, I would have said "I'm not okay."

[Anonymous]

I haven’t specifically said this as a response to anyone and I am not on social media so don’t post things like this, but if someone asked me how I am today, I am not OK. I am physically fine but I am watching footage of terrorists kill and rape people who are friends of my friends and family. I do not feel fine. I’m not jumping on any bandwagon, it is how I am feeling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people close to me have no family in Israel, but they are really upset right now. They aren't broadcasting it on social media, but they are losing sleep and feeling depressed about the violence and loss of innocent lives. I don't think it's a character flaw. On the contrary, I admire their awareness and compassion for people they don't personally know.

Haven’t expressed it to anyone (and I’m not Jewish), but it’s certainly weighing on my mind, so I can’t imagine how people with actual connections must feel.

[Anonymous]

Agree. I’m not Jewish, but I have Jewish family members. Two of whom were in Israel when this went down. They were terrified. I am ok. I was worried about this. This is not about me though. What’s going on there is totally horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really bothers me and I see it happen so much when events befall a group or race and then other members of the group say ‘we are not ok’.
I’m a Jew and events of the last few days are awful. But I, personally, am ok. I haven’t lost family and I’m not kidnapped and I haven’t lost my home.
It just feels like trying to jump on a bandwagon and make it all about yourself.

Most of my Jewish friends saying this do have relatives in Israel.

I bet those relatives have running water.

If they didn’t have access to water, and their children didn’t have access to water, this sentiment would make more sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm proud of you OP. So brave of you that the murder of hundreds doesn't distract you from building another addition on your house.

oh make no mistake it does. I have been watching the news all day and it is heartbreaking. I worked in news for years and interviewed people about things that were horrifying and devastating and haunted me and stayed with me for literally over a decade. So I know first hand what it is like to really not be okay. But it's not ABOUT me. I am okay. And it's just hollow to say 'i'm not okay'. say 'I am heartbroken for those who have had this horror'. But don't - unless you have family or friends impacted - say 'I am not okay'. You are okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This really bothers me and I see it happen so much when events befall a group or race and then other members of the group say ‘we are not ok’.
I’m a Jew and events of the last few days are awful. But I, personally, am ok. I haven’t lost family and I’m not kidnapped and I haven’t lost my home.
It just feels like trying to jump on a bandwagon and make it all about yourself.

Good for you. I'm a Jew and I'm not okay. I do have immediately family in Israel. I also live just a few blocks from where hundreds of people gathered yesterday, some of them holding up swastikas and screaming about killing Jews.
Glad you're feeling good! Maybe reach out to friends who don't feel so great, or make a donation. Or just be quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm proud of you OP. So brave of you that the murder of hundreds doesn't distract you from building another addition on your house.

oh make no mistake it does. I have been watching the news all day and it is heartbreaking. I worked in news for years and interviewed people about things that were horrifying and devastating and haunted me and stayed with me for literally over a decade. So I know first hand what it is like to really not be okay. But it's not ABOUT me. I am okay. And it's just hollow to say 'i'm not okay'. say 'I am heartbroken for those who have had this horror'. But don't - unless you have family or friends impacted - say 'I am not okay'. You are okay.

So self-righteous so decide who’s allowed to feel ok and who isn’t. What you are right about: it is NOT ABOUT YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This really bothers me and I see it happen so much when events befall a group or race and then other members of the group say ‘we are not ok’.
I’m a Jew and events of the last few days are awful. But I, personally, am ok. I haven’t lost family and I’m not kidnapped and I haven’t lost my home.
It just feels like trying to jump on a bandwagon and make it all about yourself.

Okay, cool, you're not like the other Jews. But this is an anonymous forum so you're not going to get brownie points from anti-semites for saying it.

[Anonymous]

I much prefer it to the trend where after some devastating event people instead say things like "Israel strong!" and indicate that the horrible event that killed so many will somehow make the survivors stronger because everybody was so strong to begin with.

That seems very inappropriate in the wake of such tragedy whether it's a tornado, a school shooting or a war. We are not okay makes a lot more sense to me.

[Anonymous]

It's a little cringe if you assume the people who are saying "I'm not OK" are only holiday-jewish with no ties to Israel. But here's the thing: you have no idea if that's actually the case, and who are you to judge what they are responding to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"We are not ok" means that the news and events are impacting someone deeply. We see a lot of terrible things on the news and most people have become numb to it. However, there are some events that feel very close to home -- it can be a school shooting where the victims are of similar age to our own children, a terrorist attack that feels so random and vile that it puts you on edge (we live in DC after all), or a simple criminal act that has parallels to your own experiences and trauma.

We are not ok means that we can't think or act like we normally do. It doesn't mean you give them a free pass to coast or ignore responsibilities, but it signals that more empathy may be needed.

right but.... really?
I feel like it's the privilege of those who have never had anything really terrible happen to them that they get to say 'I am not ok' during a news event that actually does not really impact them personally at ALL.

Many parents I know find reports of school shootings deeply upsetting. I don't think that's "privilege." My kid is same age as many of the Uvalde victims. I found that story really hard to read and process, because I had so much empathy for the parents and horror at what those kids went through. It did impact me: it made me sad, and angry, and scared. It made sending my own kid off to school so much harder. It impacted a lot of parents and kids. If someone had asked me, I would have said "I'm not okay."

+1 the Uvalde shooting and police failure still haunts me. I know as painful as it is for me to think about it, it must be excruciating for the families. That doesn't mean you and I and many people don't actually tear up about it, get angry and feel so down about it though, so it's OK to say we're not ok.

[Anonymous]

I have a Jewish relative who lives near mass shooting at the Tree of Life in Pittsburgh. She had no family or friends at the synagogue. But she is still not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a little cringe if you assume the people who are saying "I'm not OK" are only holiday-jewish with no ties to Israel. But here's the thing: you have no idea if that's actually the case, and who are you to judge what they are responding to?

Holiday-Jews with no ties to Israel might still be feeling a little not-okay if they've spent any time on social media this past weekend. And if they're big social media people, they're probably the type to share their feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t specifically said this as a response to anyone and I am not on social media so don’t post things like this, but if someone asked me how I am today, I am not OK. I am physically fine but I am watching footage of terrorists kill and rape people who are friends of my friends and family. I do not feel fine. I’m not jumping on any bandwagon, it is how I am feeling

didn't op specifically say unless it's your friends and family?
op I agree I see this all the time and it's - not sure what the name is but - people making it about themselves. It feels icky to me not because i don't doubt they are sad but because it's like - you are not the one this is happening to so one should keep the spotlight there.