How long until he notices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to understand, you took up all laundry cause you are sick of seeing it. Then on a brief stay between trips your husband washed his things but failed to top off the loads to include yours. Solution is instead of saying “hey why did you not tip off the loads” and “I’m no longer washing your things” you are going radio silent on the matter. You are just settling up for a big fight

I didn't see where OP was sick of 'seeing' it, just that it was not done (maybe I missed that post). But, just like OP silently took on this task of his, she can just as silently stop doing it. No conversation is required, no announcement, no drama. She's just not doing it.

If it were me, I'd remain silent and be a little inwardly gleeful as I saw his mound of dirty clothes get bigger and bigger - a physical representation of my reclaiming my power over my time and energy. Because, we all know this really isn't about laundry. It's about being taken for granted, lack of appreciation and continued unmet expectations. OP is simply letting go of something that holds resentment for her. Team OP!

This is beautiful. Bravo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every adult should do their own laundry!

Women stop doing other people’s laundry, stop “making their lunch”, stop treating them like children!

Do you make your own diner separately too? Not helping each other out is not a marriage.

DP.

It's not a marriage either when one person keeps doing all or most of the " helping".

OP NEVER said he doesn't help with anything.

From the OP: ...For the record, every other chore that he owns as “his” are ones that I pick up and complete if he can’t finish them or is traveling. If I am gone, chores that are “mine” are left until I return.....

I will add that your language of 'help with anything' implies that it's OP's responsibility and he is merely 'helping', that she has the lead on the task - something that, by his actions, he's put into practice. Better to say that OP's DH doesn't 'pull his weight', 'isn't a good partner', etc.

[Anonymous]

Update: he ran a load of his clothes. But they’ve been sitting in the washing machine for 12+ hours even though he’s been home all day.

Luckily I anticipated this and did every last bit of laundry of house stuff, mine and the kids before he came home from this week’s trip.

New bet: how long will the wet clothes sit there? I give it until Sunday night, when he’ll have to rewash them due to mildew, so it will actually be next Wednesday before this load is done. The hamper is full still. He’ll have to burn it in the backyard and just buy a new wardrobe.

[Anonymous]

In the first year of my marriage my H said he was going to do his own laundry going forward because he didn't like the way I folded his jeans. I said ok. A year later when we had a child, I did mine and the child's but when he was big enough to do his own laundry, at about age 6 because he was tall for his age, I taught him to do his own. We had another baby then and I did mine and hers. Taught her to do her own laundry when she was big enough too. Then we all did our own laundry. It was never an issue, I appreciate my husband instigating this laundry independence early in our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: he ran a load of his clothes. But they’ve been sitting in the washing machine for 12+ hours even though he’s been home all day.

Luckily I anticipated this and did every last bit of laundry of house stuff, mine and the kids before he came home from this week’s trip.

New bet: how long will the wet clothes sit there? I give it until Sunday night, when he’ll have to rewash them due to mildew, so it will actually be next Wednesday before this load is done. The hamper is full still. He’ll have to burn it in the backyard and just buy a new wardrobe.

Did he takes his clothes out and dry them finally?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe wives don’t anticipate this happening when they get married. There are a lot of things I wouldn’t compromise on, but I definitely expected to end up doing my husband’s laundry as a favor to the guy more often than not. I think it’s just how most men are. Finding a spouse who would always independently clean their clothes just, and I mean this honestly not snarky, seemed a tall order.

I’m not sure what that says about the state of men in today’s society, but I knew if I wanted a husband and house and kids that I’d be doing other people’s laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe wives don’t anticipate this happening when they get married. There are a lot of things I wouldn’t compromise on, but I definitely expected to end up doing my husband’s laundry as a favor to the guy more often than not. I think it’s just how most men are. Finding a spouse who would always independently clean their clothes just, and I mean this honestly not snarky, seemed a tall order.

I’m not sure what that says about the state of men in today’s society, but I knew if I wanted a husband and house and kids that I’d be doing other people’s laundry.

But who did his laundry before you married him, PP? That’s NOT how “most men” are. I’m similar to a PP: my husband and I always did our own clothing/towel laundry. And when my kids were old/tall enough, they did their own laundry. (The only laundry I do that’s not “my own” is the bed linens.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe wives don’t anticipate this happening when they get married. There are a lot of things I wouldn’t compromise on, but I definitely expected to end up doing my husband’s laundry as a favor to the guy more often than not. I think it’s just how most men are. Finding a spouse who would always independently clean their clothes just, and I mean this honestly not snarky, seemed a tall order.

I’m not sure what that says about the state of men in today’s society, but I knew if I wanted a husband and house and kids that I’d be doing other people’s laundry.

My husband does all the laundry in our house. I don’t touch it unless he is out of town or very sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe wives don’t anticipate this happening when they get married. There are a lot of things I wouldn’t compromise on, but I definitely expected to end up doing my husband’s laundry as a favor to the guy more often than not. I think it’s just how most men are. Finding a spouse who would always independently clean their clothes just, and I mean this honestly not snarky, seemed a tall order.

I’m not sure what that says about the state of men in today’s society, but I knew if I wanted a husband and house and kids that I’d be doing other people’s laundry.

My husband does all the laundry in our house. I don’t touch it unless he is out of town or very sick.

And I believe the previous two posters, but I stand by my original statement that most men will default to their wives doing laundry after years of marriage. I fully expected this to happen and accepted that it was a price of living with a man to eventually have to put up with it. You ladies got lucky, seriously.

My husband is a vet. He knows how to do laundry and make a bed. Does he do these things now? No. But I’m not going to let it breed resentment and ruin our marriage and family. I consider it a favor to the man I love that I bear the brunt of laundry duty. I’m sure there’s things he handles that I’m fully capable of but won’t do. Pretty sure I’ve hardly ever replaced a burned out light bulb…

[Anonymous]

OP here. Glad to see this thread back. 3 weeks later and he did 1 load since. I think he is on an every 2 weeks schedule.

[Anonymous]

I'm team OP all the way.