How long until he notices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every adult should do their own laundry!

Women stop doing other people’s laundry, stop “making their lunch”, stop treating them like children!

Do you make your own diner separately too? Not helping each other out is not a marriage.

How is the DH "helping out" in this scenario? Your type of thinking is what keeps women in some sort of indentured servitude for life while men get to spend their free time golfing.

[Anonymous]

I generally wash his with mine (and vice versa, although I do 90% of the loads) because it is easy to do that. He has to put his own away, though, that is the time consuming part. I do it sometimes, but if I'm busy I set it aside for him to deal with. Sometimes that results in piles of clean clothes for a day or two, which don't bother me any more than piles of dirty clothes in hampers do.

But when he asked this morning if "we" were doing a load of jeans anytime soon... I said that I didn't know and I didn't have a plan (since I haven't been wearing my jeans this week).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have one conversation with him informing him you will no longer be doing his laundry and then drop the rope on that entirely. DH and I both do laundry. I do mine, he does his. I do the kids stuff, he does the house linens. We both run random other loads of house towels/kitchen towels as needed.

Laundry is a big chore, it should be split.

I'm kind of curious how long he takes to figure it out on his own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every adult should do their own laundry!

Women stop doing other people’s laundry, stop “making their lunch”, stop treating them like children!

Do you make your own diner separately too? Not helping each other out is not a marriage.

There's a difference though. The typical family eats dinner together most nights so it helps the family to cook one meal together. On the other hand it doesn't make much of a difference whose clothes are in which load of laundry as long as the laundry gets done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to understand, you took up all laundry cause you are sick of seeing it. Then on a brief stay between trips your husband washed his things but failed to top off the loads to include yours. Solution is instead of saying “hey why did you not tip off the loads” and “I’m no longer washing your things” you are going radio silent on the matter. You are just settling up for a big fight

I didn't see where OP was sick of 'seeing' it, just that it was not done (maybe I missed that post). But, just like OP silently took on this task of his, she can just as silently stop doing it. No conversation is required, no announcement, no drama. She's just not doing it.

If it were me, I'd remain silent and be a little inwardly gleeful as I saw his mound of dirty clothes get bigger and bigger - a physical representation of my reclaiming my power over my time and energy. Because, we all know this really isn't about laundry. It's about being taken for granted, lack of appreciation and continued unmet expectations. OP is simply letting go of something that holds resentment for her. Team OP!

[Anonymous]

I just stopped doing DH laundry for this reason . He knows it his his problem now and we have separate hampers . I use poplin or do the kids laundry and then he helps me fold kids laundry now because I relegated that to him .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every adult should do their own laundry!

Women stop doing other people’s laundry, stop “making their lunch”, stop treating them like children!

Why?

I currently earn more than my husband (we’ve gone back and forth over time but have always been within $100k of each other) but I’ve always done the laundry. I’m better at sorting and dealing with stains and I’m a much better folder. He’ll step in as needed and either do his own or help me fold and put away, but it’s mostly my chore. He has own things that are mostly his chores (that I’ll help with if asked/needed but otherwise ignore).

I don’t know what making his lunch means but we take turns cooking and I’ll absolutely make his lunch if I’m the one preparing it that day. He’ll make mine other times. That’s more based on what we’re cooking and who is busier at the time. I don’t treat him like a child and he doesn’t disrespect my time. As a result, I have no trouble doing his laundry. To say that no one should as a blanket statement is narrow-minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every adult should do their own laundry!

Women stop doing other people’s laundry, stop “making their lunch”, stop treating them like children!

Do you make your own diner separately too? Not helping each other out is not a marriage.

How is the DH "helping out" in this scenario? Your type of thinking is what keeps women in some sort of indentured servitude for life while men get to spend their free time golfing.

.

Your type of thinking is what makes for unhappy marriages. Imagine refusing to do anything for your spouse. How ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every adult should do their own laundry!

Women stop doing other people’s laundry, stop “making their lunch”, stop treating them like children!

Do you make your own diner separately too? Not helping each other out is not a marriage.

There's a difference though. The typical family eats dinner together most nights so it helps the family to cook one meal together. On the other hand it doesn't make much of a difference whose clothes are in which load of laundry as long as the laundry gets done.

No there is not. You either are looking at for everyone or looking out for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn’t do laundry or cook, or really anything, so I am divorcing him. Finances are an issue but there is always an answer to that if you want out bad enough.

Ladies - if finances are an issue that means your men are breadwinners. I would seriously consider doing the laundry for them because they earn more !

Not true. Sometimes it means the wife is the breadwinner and can’t afford to pay alimony and child support to a deadbeat dad.

OP said finances would be very difficult which likely means he brings more to the table AND she expects him to do household errands 50:50. She never responded who makes more. Yes, some women are breadwinners but statistically 70% chance her husband makes more money

Yeah, because he has a penis, not because he actually deserves it. Using institutionalized sexism as a cudgel against the very people who suffer from it is...quite a lewk.

The cause-effect is backwards. Many husbands have the higher paying job because the couple prioritized his job over hers. So he got more promotions while she mommy-tracked. You can say that's not fair, but it's the decision they made. Another thing is that women want husbands that earn more money than them. Read other threads about OPs looking for husbands and OPs divorcing their low income husbands for evidence.

I don’t understand how making more money means you get to do less work at home, especially if you both work full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every adult should do their own laundry!

Women stop doing other people’s laundry, stop “making their lunch”, stop treating them like children!

Do you make your own diner separately too? Not helping each other out is not a marriage.

DP.

It's not a marriage either when one person keeps doing all or most of the " helping".

OP NEVER said he doesn't help with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn’t do laundry or cook, or really anything, so I am divorcing him. Finances are an issue but there is always an answer to that if you want out bad enough.

Ladies - if finances are an issue that means your men are breadwinners. I would seriously consider doing the laundry for them because they earn more !

Not true. Sometimes it means the wife is the breadwinner and can’t afford to pay alimony and child support to a deadbeat dad.

OP said finances would be very difficult which likely means he brings more to the table AND she expects him to do household errands 50:50. She never responded who makes more. Yes, some women are breadwinners but statistically 70% chance her husband makes more money

Yeah, because he has a penis, not because he actually deserves it. Using institutionalized sexism as a cudgel against the very people who suffer from it is...quite a lewk.

The cause-effect is backwards. Many husbands have the higher paying job because the couple prioritized his job over hers. So he got more promotions while she mommy-tracked. You can say that's not fair, but it's the decision they made. Another thing is that women want husbands that earn more money than them. Read other threads about OPs looking for husbands and OPs divorcing their low income husbands for evidence.

In our family it's because my husband is simply a harder worker than I am. I'm glad one of us is! I still don't do his laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have lived together for almost 10 years. We've pretty much always just done our own laundry. I don't consider it petty, we just do our own thing.

Are you posting about it in a cackling tone on a message board though?

[Anonymous]

Weird flex OP

[Anonymous]

My ex never did laundry. He actually wouldn't believe we were separating until I stopped including his laundry in the loads.
Sometime this summer we had to drive a few hours together to drop off the kids. The sweat stench from his clothes in the car was overwhelming. I was nauseated the entire ride - had to cover my face with a sweater and pretend I was napping when I was really trying to filter the air. A month later I finally texted him that he needs to do his laundry regularly. Just because he can't smell himself doesn't mean others can't.
He took it well and frankly needs to because he is sometimes client facing.
Someone's got to say something and it's usually better if it comes from non-spouse. Men seem to have an auto-reject button for comments from a wife.