Seven year old wants to show her midriff.

[Anonymous]

So it's okay in your mind for teenagers to show their midriff but not a 7-year-old.
Please explain to me like I am 2 years old. Why that is somehow okay?.

I think as long as a person is comfortable with who they are and their body, they should be able to freely express themselves without being sexualized by a bunch of adults in their lives.

But yet you think it's okay for a teenager who is more likely to be sexualized to show her midriff but a 7-year-old cannot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is all about the setting. If she wants to wear a slightly shorter tank top with high-waist shorts to the pool or a BBQ with friends in the summer, I don't care.

School, no freaking way. I have talked to her about how we wear different things for different settings and that our clothes are part of the first impression we give so it's important our clothes be appropriate for the setting. Bathing suits are for the pool. Soccer clothes are for soccer. School clothes, which don't include things that are super short or bare, are for school.

We'll see how this goes though. My parents were super strict about what I could wear and I thought it was so unfair at the time, but in hindsight, I was a size 2 with D boobs at about 12 years old so they were probably onto something.

This is a good, reasonable approach.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely let kid wear crop top at the beac, on a weekend outing in the summer, or on vacation in a hot climate. We spend every summer visiting relatives abroad and cropped tops are a daily thing. Not sure how practical they are in the mid Atlantic. I do think it’s important to set the expectation that they are dressing for themselves - and not for the male gaze negatively or positively. That is, they are not responsible for immoral behavior.thoughts of dudes and they are not dressing to attract positive attention from dudes. Kids wear uniforms during the week, so they generally are in charge of picking their weekend outfits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely let kid wear crop top at the beac, on a weekend outing in the summer, or on vacation in a hot climate. We spend every summer visiting relatives abroad and cropped tops are a daily thing. Not sure how practical they are in the mid Atlantic. I do think it’s important to set the expectation that they are dressing for themselves - and not for the male gaze negatively or positively. That is, they are not responsible for immoral behavior.thoughts of dudes and they are not dressing to attract positive attention from dudes. Kids wear uniforms during the week, so they generally are in charge of picking their weekend outfits.

Yeah! But the predatory male prurient gaze exists and that is a fact.

Having some oblivious victims in society as easy victims for such males may help keep other children safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely let kid wear crop top at the beac, on a weekend outing in the summer, or on vacation in a hot climate. We spend every summer visiting relatives abroad and cropped tops are a daily thing. Not sure how practical they are in the mid Atlantic. I do think it’s important to set the expectation that they are dressing for themselves - and not for the male gaze negatively or positively. That is, they are not responsible for immoral behavior.thoughts of dudes and they are not dressing to attract positive attention from dudes. Kids wear uniforms during the week, so they generally are in charge of picking their weekend outfits.

Yeah! But the predatory male prurient gaze exists and that is a fact.

Having some oblivious victims in society as easy victims for such males may help keep other children safe.

Well, that’s where the parenting actually should come in, not in policing girls and their bodies. For example, no sleepovers where men or boys are present. No male babysitters, even family members. No brothers more than a couple years older left alone with them. No cell phones or social media. No male doctors or coaches, unless you understand whether they are left alone with girls. Molesters are far more likely to be your older son, your nephew, your brother, or swim coach than a rando judging a young child an easy mark because they are wearing a two-piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely let kid wear crop top at the beac, on a weekend outing in the summer, or on vacation in a hot climate. We spend every summer visiting relatives abroad and cropped tops are a daily thing. Not sure how practical they are in the mid Atlantic. I do think it’s important to set the expectation that they are dressing for themselves - and not for the male gaze negatively or positively. That is, they are not responsible for immoral behavior.thoughts of dudes and they are not dressing to attract positive attention from dudes. Kids wear uniforms during the week, so they generally are in charge of picking their weekend outfits.

Yeah! But the predatory male prurient gaze exists and that is a fact.

Having some oblivious victims in society as easy victims for such males may help keep other children safe.

A child who's told, "You can wear whatever you want, and if some creepy old man thinks he has a right to stare at or touch your body, that's his problem," is a lot more aware and empowered than one who is told, "Don't wear that! You'll just cause some poor guy to sin!" The latter approach makes it the girl's shame; the former makes it the man's.

Look at what's happening in Spain, with the football exec who's being charged for kissing a player after they won, and a man who pinched a journalist's butt and has been charged with sexual assault. It's possible to make the world safer and more just for our daughters. Personally I think that teaching our daughters that they have to be modest to regulate the behavior of men just perpetuates the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely let kid wear crop top at the beac, on a weekend outing in the summer, or on vacation in a hot climate. We spend every summer visiting relatives abroad and cropped tops are a daily thing. Not sure how practical they are in the mid Atlantic. I do think it’s important to set the expectation that they are dressing for themselves - and not for the male gaze negatively or positively. That is, they are not responsible for immoral behavior.thoughts of dudes and they are not dressing to attract positive attention from dudes. Kids wear uniforms during the week, so they generally are in charge of picking their weekend outfits.

Yeah! But the predatory male prurient gaze exists and that is a fact.

Having some oblivious victims in society as easy victims for such males may help keep other children safe.

Well, that’s where the parenting actually should come in, not in policing girls and their bodies. For example, no sleepovers where men or boys are present. No male babysitters, even family members. No brothers more than a couple years older left alone with them. No cell phones or social media. No male doctors or coaches, unless you understand whether they are left alone with girls. Molesters are far more likely to be your older son, your nephew, your brother, or swim coach than a rando judging a young child an easy mark because they are wearing a two-piece.

This is straight up insane. You wouldn't let a a kid sleep over at a friend's if she has a brother or Dad in the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely let kid wear crop top at the beac, on a weekend outing in the summer, or on vacation in a hot climate. We spend every summer visiting relatives abroad and cropped tops are a daily thing. Not sure how practical they are in the mid Atlantic. I do think it’s important to set the expectation that they are dressing for themselves - and not for the male gaze negatively or positively. That is, they are not responsible for immoral behavior.thoughts of dudes and they are not dressing to attract positive attention from dudes. Kids wear uniforms during the week, so they generally are in charge of picking their weekend outfits.

Yeah! But the predatory male prurient gaze exists and that is a fact.

Having some oblivious victims in society as easy victims for such males may help keep other children safe.

Well, that’s where the parenting actually should come in, not in policing girls and their bodies. For example, no sleepovers where men or boys are present. No male babysitters, even family members. No brothers more than a couple years older left alone with them. No cell phones or social media. No male doctors or coaches, unless you understand whether they are left alone with girls. Molesters are far more likely to be your older son, your nephew, your brother, or swim coach than a rando judging a young child an easy mark because they are wearing a two-piece.

This is straight up insane. You wouldn't let a a kid sleep over at a friend's if she has a brother or Dad in the house?

I wouldn’t let my 6 year old sleep over at a house where there is a brother with an age gap older than 4 years or a dad present. We do beach trips with other families. She will go to camp at some point. Do a sex offender search in your neighborhood. You will find doctors and lawyers with child pornography convictions. Dudes in their in early 20s living with their parents with molestation records.

[Anonymous]

I suspect you have a lot of old people answering here. I let my 10 year old wear longer crop tops with high rise shorts or pants. It looks cute. Why shouldn’t she be allowed to wear something cute and appropriate that makes her happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Do you allow her to swim? My gosh.

Not a good analogy. A swimsuit is for swimming therefore necessary. For jobs you might wear a uniform or a suit. Private schools have modest uniforms but public school is a free for all? Save the skin baring for after school

Off topic but I’ve noticed when there’s a tiny girl with a bra for a shirt and bike shorts there’s a mother that’s obese.

[Anonymous]

OP , a quick Google search showed me how common this is.
Whatever you decide just be empathetic and try to explain as much as you can.

For me as a middleschooler and in high school I wanted to go to school in sweatpants and was never allowed. I’m over it 100% even though it sucked at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect you have a lot of old people answering here. I let my 10 year old wear longer crop tops with high rise shorts or pants. It looks cute. Why shouldn’t she be allowed to wear something cute and appropriate that makes her happy?

(no)

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on how trashy your family is.

[Anonymous]

There is sexualizing children which is obviously disgusting but then there is being aware that a lot of clothing made for women and girls is made smaller and tighter then men’s/boys clothes. Women’s fashion is heavily focused around showing off the female figure and girls clothes are often cut to mimic the style of women’s clothing. This is really unfair to girls who want to be fashionable but live in a world where women’s fashion is so often revealing and intended to have sex appeal.

If a little girl is playing at the playground and her shirt comes up while she is swinging on the monkey bars it is creepy and horrible for an adult to shame her or sexualize her body.

I do feel differently about clothing that is designed for women to show off skin being marketed to kids. It is a is a parents responsibility to recognize that “sexy” trends for adult women are not appropriate for kids. Imo it’s not about policing girls’ bodies, it’s about policing the trends that insist fashion=tight, low cut, short. Parents would do well to explore fashion with their kids that isn’t reliant on showing skin and body to look good.

[Anonymous]

Meh. Little girls bathing suits are often two pieces b/c it’s easier for them to go to the bathroom independently. Athletic wear is often form fitting to avoid snagging in equipment or injury from doing a move improperly (gymnastics/dance). Zero problems if girl wants to wear a crop top in casual settings - just like if my neighbors son doesn’t wear a shirt at the pool. When we police girls and their bodies in a way that we don’t for boys, it is indeed part of a modesty shame culture. And is part and parcel of a culture so fixated on controlling female bodies that we want a a ten year to die in labor rather than get reproductive healthcare.