Can you actually prevent teens from having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL about the girls' school. For most girls, that won't make a difference. Sure they can't get pregnant during school hours. But you cannot be with them all day and all night.

Get them on BC!

especially now with social media. The girls and boys don't care and tend to be even hungrier and more immature/wrong decisions

They look at parents like dinosaurs who don't get it... They dont even think WE have sex. And the number of girls who fall for "blue balls" lines... You guys need to talk to your kids. I overheard my DDs sleepover at 2am and I had to tell them at breakfast that blue balls is not a real thing. She was mortified and kept screaming at me to shut up but I don't know, maybe they know now.

The condition you mention is in fact a real and quite uncomfortable thing. It does not require sexual contact with a partner to remediate.

It is 100% a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

This. You can also discourage/ interfere with the boyfriend concept at the age of 15.

+1. The family being active in a church or synagogue can be a big help.

Ha ha! The Catholic Church did not stop me from pre-martial sex!

Lmao right. Everyone knows that the church girl are the wildest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

This. You can also discourage/ interfere with the boyfriend concept at the age of 15.

+1. The family being active in a church or synagogue can be a big help.

Ha ha! The Catholic Church did not stop me from pre-martial sex!

Lmao right. Everyone knows that the church girl are the wildest.

C'mon Virginia, don't make me wait.
You Catholic girls start much too late....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Also there's really no need to glamorize Indian culture on the teen sex thread--it is known for domestic abuse and arranged marriages. Americans literally don't care about your values regarding sex or coding for that matter. Bye.

WOW. Do you think all Indians live with domestic abuse and unhappy arranged marriages? How would you like if someone generalized and stereotyped your culture the way you just did to that poster?

I found that post to be insightful even if it might paint a too-perfect picture of Indian culture. No culture is perfect. But I do think “mainstream” Americans could learn a few things from other cultures.

My American mother definitely raised me expecting me to go off and “have fun” at a young age when I really had not developed the tools to discern good relationships from bad, or get myself out of a bad situation. So I made a lot of really crappy decisions at a young age that had lifelong implications. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:show your kid graphic images of STDs.

This too!

heh this is like those scared straight videos that the cops came to our elementary school to show us

kids still used drugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am crying laughing over this one:

Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone.

Grew up in DC, went to the top private, went on to great college and law school, fully functioning member of society. Had sex at ages 16 and 17 with boyfriend. Never learned to code, never cared.

liar. definitely more than 1, may be 10? no one is going to call you a school slut, just for making a few happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:show your kid graphic images of STDs.

This too!

heh this is like those scared straight videos that the cops came to our elementary school to show us

kids still used drugs

The scared straight videos aren't as gross, nor are they as ... intimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?

Following years of teens getting pregnant because parents believed the subject of sex was taboo, because the reality is that kids have sex and are homosexuals in every society, even fundamentalist Muslim, Jewish and Christian societies, sex education experts realized it is better to educate children about sex rather than to sweep it under the rug. It cuts down on teen pregnancy and stigmatizing kids who need support. In this country, we don’t have honor killings because our kids had sex or got pregnant as teens.

is this all your pathetic brain knows about the world outside your rural town?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am crying laughing over this one:

Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone.

Grew up in DC, went to the top private, went on to great college and law school, fully functioning member of society. Had sex at ages 16 and 17 with boyfriend. Never learned to code, never cared.

liar. definitely more than 1, may be 10? no one is going to call you a school slut, just for making a few happy

lol. manages to buy a law degree, using parents deep pockets, and claims her teen age sex didnt stop her from getting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Sure, US teenagers contribute to about 25% of world porn content. What else can you expect when parents give up too early on their immature teens, under the guise of individuality, but make no effort beyond providing bread and milk, and plenty of safe sex supplies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Also there's really no need to glamorize Indian culture on the teen sex thread--it is known for domestic abuse and arranged marriages. Americans literally don't care about your values regarding sex or coding for that matter. Bye.

Bigoted much? There are more than a billion people in India, but you think you can lump them all into “domestic abuse and arranged marriages?”

And “Americans” (who include a whole bunch of people of Indian heritage) would do well to take a look at the more traditional sexual ethics that still prevail in most of India.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Sure, US teenagers contribute to about 25% of world porn content. What else can you expect when parents give up too early on their immature teens, under the guise of individuality, but make no effort beyond providing bread and milk, and plenty of safe sex supplies.

You are, and I say this with all the respect it deserves, delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL about the girls' school. For most girls, that won't make a difference. Sure they can't get pregnant during school hours. But you cannot be with them all day and all night.

Get them on BC!

especially now with social media. The girls and boys don't care and tend to be even hungrier and more immature/wrong decisions

They look at parents like dinosaurs who don't get it... They dont even think WE have sex. And the number of girls who fall for "blue balls" lines... You guys need to talk to your kids. I overheard my DDs sleepover at 2am and I had to tell them at breakfast that blue balls is not a real thing. She was mortified and kept screaming at me to shut up but I don't know, maybe they know now.

The condition you mention is in fact a real and quite uncomfortable thing. It does not require sexual contact with a partner to remediate.

It is 100% a real thing.

Yes, it's real but it's not the responsibility of the girl to take care of it. Sex education requires conversations about this as well. It's more than just STDs and pregnancy. Girls are more likely to be people pleasers and may not have the know-how to dodge this guilt trip tactic if they want to still be liked by the boy.