Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

We were invited to a cousin’s wedding and didn’t see my child on the invite (also wasn’t sure if children are normally addressed on invites). This is a cousin that we are not super close to but do see a few times a year. We reached out and asked if it’s ok to bring our child to their wedding or if it’s a child-free event. Worst case scenario would be no and we’ll figure out other arrangements. Cousin appreciated that we asked instead of assumed. I’m glad we got clarification.

In your shoes, I would ask my sibling directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

Weird? This was a childfree wedding not a family reunion. I would not to expect to see children in childfree wedding pictures. If the generational pictures with kids was so important to you then why did you not ever arrange to have a large family reunion yourself? Wait…I suppose you want someone else to do all that work/planning. Or better yet just change the childfree wedding to suit your interests. Geeesh…

[Anonymous]

I don't see why it's offensive not to invite kids, neither if parents decline. Be practical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do your parents think, OP? I can’t imagine my mom not weighing in on this.

It is not your mom’s business.

How can you know that?

I mean, it’s entirely possible that this family is very close.

Still not her business if all are functional adults. Very close can indicate controlling busy body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable. Leave the kids with the spouse at home. Or leave the kids at the hotel with the spouse for a few hours. I will never understand people who have no trouble sending their kids to daycare or school or who will go out to dinner and leave their kids with the babysitter but insist that for some reason their kids cannot be apart from them for a few hours for a wedding.

My oldest is 5 and I’ve never spent a night away. That’s often what a wedding like this entails. It’s not really the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

Weird? This was a childfree wedding not a family reunion. I would not to expect to see children in childfree wedding pictures. If the generational pictures with kids was so important to you then why did you not ever arrange to have a large family reunion yourself? Wait…I suppose you want someone else to do all that work/planning. Or better yet just change the childfree wedding to suit your interests. Geeesh…

+1

Just a preview of what is to come.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do your parents think, OP? I can’t imagine my mom not weighing in on this.

It is not your mom’s business.

How can you know that?

I mean, it’s entirely possible that this family is very close.

Still not her business if all are functional adults. Very close can indicate controlling busy body.

+1

Well said! Controlling and manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

+1

I have also seen kids ruin weddings because the moms (and dads) refuse to step outside when the kid starts inevitably screaming.

I think the issue is that the bride or groom (for example) may have family that they consider as close as siblings (possibly cousins that are closer than certain siblings), and if those kids are not invited, then it would be offensive to those who were not allowed (if the bride and groom made other exceptions).

That sounds kind of made up. Who would be offended by this?
Do you honestly know anyone who has gotten upset that a close friend invited their sister’s nursing infant to a wedding?

Not all families are the same. Surprise!

[Anonymous]

With a sibling I'd be comfortable to check and confirm. I'd also be frank and tell her that due to nursing baby, I may not be able to attend at all.

With someone I know less well, I'd feel no compunction to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

Yes they are.
If you don’t want your sister to bring her infant to your wedding, then don’t invite her.

Nope. The invite would have said “infants in arms ok” if that is what “no kids” had meant.

And sure, don’t invite the sister with kids. That would go over so well! Would be an epic DCUM thread!

Honestly, it won’t go over awesome if the OP just doesn’t go to her sibling’s wedding.

Why can’t the sibling just take the blame and not invite the siblings with kids?

Because it is more appropriate for the mom to say no than the bride to say no.

What is the bride saying “no” to? There isn’t a question.
Just don’t invite people with babies. Then this doesn’t come up. Problem solved.

Your idea is nonsensical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette is that if your child starts misbehaving and screaming the parent and child step outside of the venue.

The issue is that the parents who insist their kid be included in the guest list are the exact same parents who think the day is about them, and refuse to step out of the venue when (not if) the kid starts screaming. It's not a reunion or your party - if you want that, plan it yourself. If there are no kids or only one or two kids in the wedding party, that is telling you that it is not a free for all circus environment.

You all assume the worst. I got married in my early 30s, the last of the friend groups of both myself and my spouse. For a wedding of 160 people, almost 40 were under 15yr old. 11 were under a year! No babies cried during the ceremony. Some people chose to bring kids to ceremony and reception. Some chose one but not the other. Some left kids home. We let our guests choose what worked for them.

It really depends on the parents of the small kids. You have a nice, considerate, warm and loving (and not selfish!) group surrounding you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

Yes they are.
If you don’t want your sister to bring her infant to your wedding, then don’t invite her.

Nope. The invite would have said “infants in arms ok” if that is what “no kids” had meant.

And sure, don’t invite the sister with kids. That would go over so well! Would be an epic DCUM thread!

Honestly, it won’t go over awesome if the OP just doesn’t go to her sibling’s wedding.

Why can’t the sibling just take the blame and not invite the siblings with kids?

Because it is more appropriate for the mom to say no than the bride to say no.

What is the bride saying “no” to? There isn’t a question.
Just don’t invite people with babies. Then this doesn’t come up. Problem solved.

Your idea is nonsensical.

PP is just arguing to argue.

[Anonymous]

The thing that gets me about these types of deals is that it majorly puts out the guests, which is something I always try to avoid when hosting anyway. Particularly in the case of a nursing infant: guests are going to go to the trouble of traveling with the baby and pay for a local sitter, or fly out in-laws. That’s a lot of additional trouble and money to ask that your guests spend.

Maybe they don’t care if sibling attends but in all my (limited) experience with weddings and siblings, I’d personally be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do your parents think, OP? I can’t imagine my mom not weighing in on this.

It is not your mom’s business.

How can you know that?

I mean, it’s entirely possible that this family is very close.

Still not her business if all are functional adults. Very close can indicate controlling busy body.

+1

Well said! Controlling and manipulative.

Yes. Dealing with “close” enmeshed families is not fun. Lots of groupthink going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

Weird? This was a childfree wedding not a family reunion. I would not to expect to see children in childfree wedding pictures. If the generational pictures with kids was so important to you then why did you not ever arrange to have a large family reunion yourself? Wait…I suppose you want someone else to do all that work/planning. Or better yet just change the childfree wedding to suit your interests. Geeesh…

A wedding at it's core is the joining of two families. No one is asking for a family reunion. Nieces and nephews aren't the same as cousins' kids or random friends' kids.