SIL is prejudiced about putting her child in public school and disabled children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL was a social worker and now is in a management position.

We had a casual family brunch last weekend. I asked her about which school she is sending her child to for kindergarten, and I mused that maybe our kids would be in the same class.

She gave me a look and said there was no way she would put her kid in public school, that she has a spot at a private school for kindergarten. I asked her why?

She basically said she is refusing to put her kid in the public school system because of the teacher shortage and lack of aides for kids with behavioral or developmental problems. She said that she felt too many parents rely on the school system to support, feed, and take care of children, especially children with disabilities or behavioral problems. She said she went to a poor, rural school herself and had a terrible time. That there were too many kids with behavioral problems who would "flip tables" and the classroom would need to be evacuated. She said (and get this) "At least private schools screen out kids with that kind of behavioral problem."

I told her she is being ridiculous, that disabled children matter too and inclusion is healthy. She looked at me and said she is putting her son in part-time kindergarten at a private school and has "no desire" to put him in public school. She basically went on this big rant that too many families are dependent on the school system to raise their kids and provide services, she said kids being out of parental care for 50+ hours/week in before/after school care is harmful and that most schools simply do not have the resources to support kids with severe disabilities. She is a social worker and is supposed to recognize and understand the hardships families go through and not judge, it felt like she was just judging anyone who needs extra support.

All 3 of my children will be going to public school. We live in a good school district and I was quite offended by her statement. I haven't told her this, but we are waiting on an assessment for my youngest child and he may need an IEP. I was shocked she would be so bigoted towards poor families and children with disabilities.

She's right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your kids in school? When you have a year where your DC's classroom is evacuated on a weekly+ basis because of a kid with out of control behavior, you'll understand a bit more what your SIL is trying to say. Private schools kick those kids out. Public schools can't.

Where is this happening? What % of schools? I ask because I am 5 years into my kids’ public school experience and I have never heard of a violent incident or an evacuated classroom. My older child was in a mixed gen Ed / special Ed class with an extra teacher and aide two years in a row. Our neighbor is autistic and went to the same public school - rising 6th grader. I am good friends with his mom and she has never mentioned anything like you describe. I have never heard of classroom evacuation due to behavioral issues from my mom friends and coworkers with kids in public schools all parts of Arlington county, Falls Church, and Alexandria. In fact the ONLY time I ever about table flipping or routine evacuations is in Republican talking points.

[Anonymous]

Overfull classes and disruptive kids + more in my experience, I knew I wanted DC to go to private. It's everyones choice, maybe SIL overshared in this case - she could've just said that was her family choice and ended it there but she likely went deep because of her line of work.

Try not to take it personally OP, you are confident in the fact that your kids will go public. Everyone has their own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your kids in school? When you have a year where your DC's classroom is evacuated on a weekly+ basis because of a kid with out of control behavior, you'll understand a bit more what your SIL is trying to say. Private schools kick those kids out. Public schools can't.

Where is this happening? What % of schools? I ask because I am 5 years into my kids’ public school experience and I have never heard of a violent incident or an evacuated classroom. My older child was in a mixed gen Ed / special Ed class with an extra teacher and aide two years in a row. Our neighbor is autistic and went to the same public school - rising 6th grader. I am good friends with his mom and she has never mentioned anything like you describe. I have never heard of classroom evacuation due to behavioral issues from my mom friends and coworkers with kids in public schools all parts of Arlington county, Falls Church, and Alexandria. In fact the ONLY time I ever about table flipping or routine evacuations is in Republican talking points.

Well that's kind of ridiculous and I'm a registered Democrat! It definitely happens whether your friend has mentioned it or not. I wouldn't say it happened everyday at the well regarded elementary school where I worked for 20 years in the special ed department but it happened pretty regularly. I would imagine that your kids don't come home and tell you about it because it's not that unusual to most kids today. It's not routine but it definitely happens. Interesting that you think it's part of a conspiracy theory apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL was a social worker and now is in a management position.

We had a casual family brunch last weekend. I asked her about which school she is sending her child to for kindergarten, and I mused that maybe our kids would be in the same class.

She gave me a look and said there was no way she would put her kid in public school, that she has a spot at a private school for kindergarten. I asked her why?

She basically said she is refusing to put her kid in the public school system because of the teacher shortage and lack of aides for kids with behavioral or developmental problems. She said that she felt too many parents rely on the school system to support, feed, and take care of children, especially children with disabilities or behavioral problems. She said she went to a poor, rural school herself and had a terrible time. That there were too many kids with behavioral problems who would "flip tables" and the classroom would need to be evacuated. She said (and get this) "At least private schools screen out kids with that kind of behavioral problem."

I told her she is being ridiculous, that disabled children matter too and inclusion is healthy. She looked at me and said she is putting her son in part-time kindergarten at a private school and has "no desire" to put him in public school. She basically went on this big rant that too many families are dependent on the school system to raise their kids and provide services, she said kids being out of parental care for 50+ hours/week in before/after school care is harmful and that most schools simply do not have the resources to support kids with severe disabilities. She is a social worker and is supposed to recognize and understand the hardships families go through and not judge, it felt like she was just judging anyone who needs extra support.

All 3 of my children will be going to public school. We live in a good school district and I was quite offended by her statement. I haven't told her this, but we are waiting on an assessment for my youngest child and he may need an IEP. I was shocked she would be so bigoted towards poor families and children with disabilities.

I’m a teacher, and for the most part, what she’s saying is correct. I know lots of public school teachers that send their kids to private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s not wrong. As a society we have decided that kids with disabilities are more important than anyone else. I’m not disagreeing with that. But you have to realize that mainstreaming means that teachers attention won’t be on how to make the smartest kids smarter. No, it’s how to get the slowest kids to grade level.

I truly wish they did more tracking and also allowed kids to move fluidly through tracks. It would give teachers more uniform classes to work with. Kindergarten wouldn’t be some kids who are reading small chapter books and others who know no letters and don’t speak English.

I don't know that the bolded statement is true. I think it's similar to a parent trying to figure out who is more important, their special needs child who requires so much time, attention, money, patience, resources, etc. or their other children. How do you figure that out?

As someone who had a difficult sibling who sucked all the oxygen out of a room- the kids deserve equal attention still. If you give extra time to one kid, it better come out of your own free time.

Teachers absolutely spend more time on kids with disabilities, if they’re in a mainstream classroom. Especially in elementary where kids can’t select honors classes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this conversation happened but if it did, she has every right to that opinion.

Absolutely.

Not for kindergarten, but my ds was in a class with a spitting, chair throwing table flipper. The room was evacuated weekly, on average. Things were broken, other kids were scared. I would have avoided that if I could.

The kid eventually threw something at a display case and broke the glass. That got him expelled finally.

You are vile. This entire post was created just so azzhats like you can call kids with disabilities names.

There was no name calling. His behaviors were described.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of a SN kid, with behaviors, I couldn't agree more.

At my last IEP meeting, we tried to get a 1:1 para for our child. This was denied.

We were offered two choices: complete inclusion, or a non verbal classroom. For a fully verbal child with major behavioral problems.

If we can't get an aide, we need to build a case for out if district placement. This means putting him into complete inclusion and letting him fail.

It's a disaster for my child. It's a disaster for all the other kids in the classroom. It's a catch 22.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're just making up a story to bash private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is astounded "get this" that her SIL doesn't want her kid in a classroom with table flippers. That must be striking too close for home for OP. She should worry more about her kids getting the help they need, so their behavior is under control, instead of bashing people like her SIL who want a happy and safe school environment. SIL also gets to prioritize her own child's education and needs, not just OP.

I don’t think that’s the point at all. OP is astounded that a social worker who has the education and professional exposure to the kids who need help AND the systems that help them would fall prey to some anecdotal evidence of issues at schools she’s never been in and/or make such gross victim blaming overgeneralized statements about kids who need support and the families they come from. Lots of people feel like OP’s SIL, but typically I expect professionals to have a more empathetic and nuanced view of the population they serve.

[Anonymous]

We only educate our children once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your kids in school? When you have a year where your DC's classroom is evacuated on a weekly+ basis because of a kid with out of control behavior, you'll understand a bit more what your SIL is trying to say. Private schools kick those kids out. Public schools can't.

Where is this happening? What % of schools? I ask because I am 5 years into my kids’ public school experience and I have never heard of a violent incident or an evacuated classroom. My older child was in a mixed gen Ed / special Ed class with an extra teacher and aide two years in a row. Our neighbor is autistic and went to the same public school - rising 6th grader. I am good friends with his mom and she has never mentioned anything like you describe. I have never heard of classroom evacuation due to behavioral issues from my mom friends and coworkers with kids in public schools all parts of Arlington county, Falls Church, and Alexandria. In fact the ONLY time I ever about table flipping or routine evacuations is in Republican talking points.

Well that's kind of ridiculous and I'm a registered Democrat! It definitely happens whether your friend has mentioned it or not. I wouldn't say it happened everyday at the well regarded elementary school where I worked for 20 years in the special ed department but it happened pretty regularly. I would imagine that your kids don't come home and tell you about it because it's not that unusual to most kids today. It's not routine but it definitely happens. Interesting that you think it's part of a conspiracy theory apparently.

I asked my 1st grader about the classroom evacuations since he hadn’t ever mentioned them. He said it happens and he doesn’t talk about it because the kids involved are having a hard time and it would be embarrassing for them to be talked about.

He also isn’t bothered because they get to bring a book or head to the library which he enjoys more than the centers they are usually rotating through.

I am not sure if his perspective is from his own empathetic nature or if the teachers have set this expectation of not sharing.

I would be bothered by the SIL’s attitude as it is likely to harm vulnerable children/ families. But I understand choosing private school. We had to leave public school for our dyslexic child due to the disastrous reading curriculum and minimal sped support.

[Anonymous]

Mine are in public. We have not dealt with anything this horrible, but there were some pretty bad experiences.

I almost pulled one of mine from public to private. Luckily the disruption brought something out of her very early on.

She frequently made it clear to everyone ( teachers, counselors, principal) that she could not function in chaos, so they did everything they could to keep her away from certain kids. It worked out well. So her " needs" were met. Most lower elementary kids cannot advocate for themselves to this extent. The squeaky wheel gets the grease...They shouldn't have to, but if they don't, they get stuck in the classes with kids who need more than the average classroom can offer.

If I had a "quiet, go with the flow" child, I'd definitely go private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your kids in school? When you have a year where your DC's classroom is evacuated on a weekly+ basis because of a kid with out of control behavior, you'll understand a bit more what your SIL is trying to say. Private schools kick those kids out. Public schools can't.

Where is this happening? What % of schools? I ask because I am 5 years into my kids’ public school experience and I have never heard of a violent incident or an evacuated classroom. My older child was in a mixed gen Ed / special Ed class with an extra teacher and aide two years in a row. Our neighbor is autistic and went to the same public school - rising 6th grader. I am good friends with his mom and she has never mentioned anything like you describe. I have never heard of classroom evacuation due to behavioral issues from my mom friends and coworkers with kids in public schools all parts of Arlington county, Falls Church, and Alexandria. In fact the ONLY time I ever about table flipping or routine evacuations is in Republican talking points.

Well that's kind of ridiculous and I'm a registered Democrat! It definitely happens whether your friend has mentioned it or not. I wouldn't say it happened everyday at the well regarded elementary school where I worked for 20 years in the special ed department but it happened pretty regularly. I would imagine that your kids don't come home and tell you about it because it's not that unusual to most kids today. It's not routine but it definitely happens. Interesting that you think it's part of a conspiracy theory apparently.

I asked my 1st grader about the classroom evacuations since he hadn’t ever mentioned them. He said it happens and he doesn’t talk about it because the kids involved are having a hard time and it would be embarrassing for them to be talked about.

He also isn’t bothered because they get to bring a book or head to the library which he enjoys more than the centers they are usually rotating through.

I am not sure if his perspective is from his own empathetic nature or if the teachers have set this expectation of not sharing.

I would be bothered by the SIL’s attitude as it is likely to harm vulnerable children/ families. But I understand choosing private school. We had to leave public school for our dyslexic child due to the disastrous reading curriculum and minimal sped support.

That definitely sounds like a script the kids were given about how to think about these events. They don't want them to tell their parents about them, clearly, so that the school doesn't have to hear from them about it.

[Anonymous]

I see your sister's point of view. You shouldn't judge - everyone has to do what is best for their own family. After working at a Title 1 school for many years, I sent my kid to private. I loved my students, but I also saw up close and personal just how awful things could be. I saw things parents really have no idea about and will never know, and once you've seen that stuff then you can't un-see it. So I sent my kid to private, even though logically he probably would have been fine at public. But when you've seen too much, you just don't trust it.