SIL is prejudiced about putting her child in public school and disabled children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I had a friend who said she only looked at private schools because "I want him to go to school with normal kids."

Is inclusion just disregarded as important? How will your friends kids react by seeing "disabled" kids?

Honest question - aside from family members, how many "disabled" adults do you interact with during your day-to-day? Especially at work. Inclusion in public school does not equal inclusion in the workplace or social settings.

Moreover, how many disabled adults with significant behavioral disabilities? I only see them on the subway, and my reaction is to move away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL was a social worker and now is in a management position.

We had a casual family brunch last weekend. I asked her about which school she is sending her child to for kindergarten, and I mused that maybe our kids would be in the same class.

She gave me a look and said there was no way she would put her kid in public school, that she has a spot at a private school for kindergarten. I asked her why?

She basically said she is refusing to put her kid in the public school system because of the teacher shortage and lack of aides for kids with behavioral or developmental problems. She said that she felt too many parents rely on the school system to support, feed, and take care of children, especially children with disabilities or behavioral problems. She said she went to a poor, rural school herself and had a terrible time. That there were too many kids with behavioral problems who would "flip tables" and the classroom would need to be evacuated. She said (and get this) "At least private schools screen out kids with that kind of behavioral problem."

I told her she is being ridiculous, that disabled children matter too and inclusion is healthy. She looked at me and said she is putting her son in part-time kindergarten at a private school and has "no desire" to put him in public school. She basically went on this big rant that too many families are dependent on the school system to raise their kids and provide services, she said kids being out of parental care for 50+ hours/week in before/after school care is harmful and that most schools simply do not have the resources to support kids with severe disabilities. She is a social worker and is supposed to recognize and understand the hardships families go through and not judge, it felt like she was just judging anyone who needs extra support.

All 3 of my children will be going to public school. We live in a good school district and I was quite offended by her statement. I haven't told her this, but we are waiting on an assessment for my youngest child and he may need an IEP. I was shocked she would be so bigoted towards poor families and children with disabilities.

Sounds like she went to school in Alexandria, minus the rural stuff.

OP, you are so naive and judgmental. Every parent makes their own choices for their own kids. Her decision to send to private is NONE of your business. , You sound like all the other PTAC moms in Alexandria who shame people who send to private and accuse them of being racist, etc. The problem is you OP, not your SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this conversation happened but if it did, she has every right to that opinion.

Absolutely.

Not for kindergarten, but my ds was in a class with a spitting, chair throwing table flipper. The room was evacuated weekly, on average. Things were broken, other kids were scared. I would have avoided that if I could.

The kid eventually threw something at a display case and broke the glass. That got him expelled finally.

You are vile. This entire post was created just so azzhats like you can call kids with disabilities names.

tell that to the parents of the kids who watched their teacher get shot by the 6 year old in Newport News.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s naïve to think that private schools don’t get any special needs kids.

Pulled our kid out of a private Montessori because they took in a severely disturbed and disruptive child in my kid's class. It started an exodus of students from out of that school and the school closed down. A lot of parents were from my community and word of mouth publicity was a huge factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a rich white lady with a profoundly disabled kid. While your SIL sounds like a jerk in how she said it, much of what she said is true. IDEA has never been fully funded. Schools don’t have the money to truly support kids with disabilities. And behavioral issues are particularly tough when the kid actually has the academic ability to perform in a mainstream class (this is where least restrictive environment gets tricky).

And people who preach inclusion are often focused on some ABC Family Movie of the Week version of disabilities they watched in the 80s. My 14 year old wears diapers, has no functional communication, and drools onto her bib all day. She is a baby cognitively. No, I don’t want her pushed into a mainstream environment in any way, shape or form. And, I actually do support inclusion for many kids —
But without appropriate funding, we have to realize it is a mess.

It is a tough place for everyone to be. The reality is that even though I’m rich, I will never have enough money to pay for the 24-7 care my daughter needs. She will end up in a Medicaid funded intermediate care facility (assuming republicans don’t fit Medicaid). It is a mess.

I’m confused, you are rich, but you can’t afford 24x7 care for your daughter? Is it because you just don’t want to spend your money on that kind of care because it will no longer allow you to be rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a rich white lady with a profoundly disabled kid. While your SIL sounds like a jerk in how she said it, much of what she said is true. IDEA has never been fully funded. Schools don’t have the money to truly support kids with disabilities. And behavioral issues are particularly tough when the kid actually has the academic ability to perform in a mainstream class (this is where least restrictive environment gets tricky).

And people who preach inclusion are often focused on some ABC Family Movie of the Week version of disabilities they watched in the 80s. My 14 year old wears diapers, has no functional communication, and drools onto her bib all day. She is a baby cognitively. No, I don’t want her pushed into a mainstream environment in any way, shape or form. And, I actually do support inclusion for many kids —
But without appropriate funding, we have to realize it is a mess.

It is a tough place for everyone to be. The reality is that even though I’m rich, I will never have enough money to pay for the 24-7 care my daughter needs. She will end up in a Medicaid funded intermediate care facility (assuming republicans don’t fit Medicaid). It is a mess.

I’m confused, you are rich, but you can’t afford 24x7 care for your daughter? Is it because you just don’t want to spend your money on that kind of care because it will no longer allow you to be rich?

Dp. It's very expensive.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL isn’t wrong and neither are you. All of the things she said can happen in public schools. Some private schools have kids with behavior issues, others don’t have as many because they kick them out. No school is perfect.

I am a public school special ed teacher and one of my kids has an IEP. He goes to a private high school, not a special ed private school, but one that we found to be a good fit. Public school was terrible for him and he was falling farther behind. My other kid is doing well in public school and will stay there at least through middle school. We haven’t decided about high school yet.

[Anonymous]

As a former public school teacher I am happily sending my kids to private school. I’m glad public schools have supports for high needs kids but I’m doing what’s best for my kids, not for anyone else’s.

And yes, if my kids were or do become SN such that I think public would serve them better I would move them. That’s not being a hypocrite. It’s being a good parent.

[Anonymous]

While it shocked you, if you’re able to pay for being around less needy kids, no farms, etc. it is a better, less distracted environment for you kid, especially if they’re highly motivated. Basically, SIL didn’t say it the right way but she’s right.

[Anonymous]

I am physically disabled person from birth. In the 80s when my mother went to register me for kindergarten at our neighborhood school, they refused to agree to put me in a mainstream classroom and wanted to warehouse me in a separate building with all "disabled kids" as in physical, mental, developmental, behavioral, all together aka special ed.

You know who would gladly take me: the three private schools in my town. So maybe OP privates are more inclusive than your preconceived mind thinks. Spend a lot of time with disabled people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a rich white lady with a profoundly disabled kid. While your SIL sounds like a jerk in how she said it, much of what she said is true. IDEA has never been fully funded. Schools don’t have the money to truly support kids with disabilities. And behavioral issues are particularly tough when the kid actually has the academic ability to perform in a mainstream class (this is where least restrictive environment gets tricky).

And people who preach inclusion are often focused on some ABC Family Movie of the Week version of disabilities they watched in the 80s. My 14 year old wears diapers, has no functional communication, and drools onto her bib all day. She is a baby cognitively. No, I don’t want her pushed into a mainstream environment in any way, shape or form. And, I actually do support inclusion for many kids —
But without appropriate funding, we have to realize it is a mess.

It is a tough place for everyone to be. The reality is that even though I’m rich, I will never have enough money to pay for the 24-7 care my daughter needs. She will end up in a Medicaid funded intermediate care facility (assuming republicans don’t fit Medicaid). It is a mess.

I’m confused, you are rich, but you can’t afford 24x7 care for your daughter? Is it because you just don’t want to spend your money on that kind of care because it will no longer allow you to be rich?

Because “rich” as in Top 5% income still isn’t enough to pay for 24/7 care for a profoundly disabled person from age 25-65. In her case, she has no medical issues and could live a very long time. You have to be Warren Buffet type rich to afford care for someone like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing her work as a social worker is impacting her feelings. My job gives allows me to see behind the curtain of a certain industry and it has definitely made me more cynical.

+1 she sees the worst of humanity and, yes, the parents who give birth and then check out, basically. I think she’s being kind of an a-hole by conflating kids with special needs/disabilities with kids with major behavioral issues, as they are not often the same. But in terms of the behavioral issues, she’s not entirely wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am physically disabled person from birth. In the 80s when my mother went to register me for kindergarten at our neighborhood school, they refused to agree to put me in a mainstream classroom and wanted to warehouse me in a separate building with all "disabled kids" as in physical, mental, developmental, behavioral, all together aka special ed.

You know who would gladly take me: the three private schools in my town. So maybe OP privates are more inclusive than your preconceived mind thinks. Spend a lot of time with disabled people?

Same thing happened with my disabled aunt. The public schools refused to enroll her. The Catholic private schools welcomed her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s not wrong. As a society we have decided that kids with disabilities are more important than anyone else. I’m not disagreeing with that. But you have to realize that mainstreaming means that teachers attention won’t be on how to make the smartest kids smarter. No, it’s how to get the slowest kids to grade level.

I truly wish they did more tracking and also allowed kids to move fluidly through tracks. It would give teachers more uniform classes to work with. Kindergarten wouldn’t be some kids who are reading small chapter books and others who know no letters and don’t speak English.

I don't know that the bolded statement is true. I think it's similar to a parent trying to figure out who is more important, their special needs child who requires so much time, attention, money, patience, resources, etc. or their other children. How do you figure that out?

Exactly- can’t understand why someone would thing a kid being so disregulated that they are flipping desks means they are being treated as more important. The sad truth is no one benefits in these situations. Stop demonizing the kids and their parents. The system is woefully underfunded and broken, so everyone loses out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I had a friend who said she only looked at private schools because "I want him to go to school with normal kids."

Is inclusion just disregarded as important? How will your friends kids react by seeing "disabled" kids?

Honest question - aside from family members, how many "disabled" adults do you interact with during your day-to-day? Especially at work. Inclusion in public school does not equal inclusion in the workplace or social settings.

Moreover, how many disabled adults with significant behavioral disabilities? I only see them on the subway, and my reaction is to move away.

Well, a lot of disabilities are invisible. My nephew was one of those kids who threw chairs in classrooms and needed a private placement. He got excellent treatment and has come a long way. Works full time in IT. I doubt anyone he works with knows he’s disabled. Comparing kids in a classroom setting to adults at work doesn’t really make sense.