SIL is prejudiced about putting her child in public school and disabled children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s naive to think that private schools don’t get any special needs kids.

Sure. It's just about ratios, staffing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s naive to think that private schools don’t get any special needs kids.

Generally they get a whooooooole lot fewer, since they don’t have to take all comers as publics do. Mild ADHD, dyslexia, sure, but if you think privates have to take (or keep) the disruptive and/or chair throwers as referenced in the OP, you’re insane.

[Anonymous]

I’m a rich white lady with a profoundly disabled kid. While your SIL sounds like a jerk in how she said it, much of what she said is true. IDEA has never been fully funded. Schools don’t have the money to truly support kids with disabilities. And behavioral issues are particularly tough when the kid actually has the academic ability to perform in a mainstream class (this is where least restrictive environment gets tricky).

And people who preach inclusion are often focused on some ABC Family Movie of the Week version of disabilities they watched in the 80s. My 14 year old wears diapers, has no functional communication, and drools onto her bib all day. She is a baby cognitively. No, I don’t want her pushed into a mainstream environment in any way, shape or form. And, I actually do support inclusion for many kids —
But without appropriate funding, we have to realize it is a mess.

It is a tough place for everyone to be. The reality is that even though I’m rich, I will never have enough money to pay for the 24-7 care my daughter needs. She will end up in a Medicaid funded intermediate care facility (assuming republicans don’t fit Medicaid). It is a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a rich white lady with a profoundly disabled kid. While your SIL sounds like a jerk in how she said it, much of what she said is true. IDEA has never been fully funded. Schools don’t have the money to truly support kids with disabilities. And behavioral issues are particularly tough when the kid actually has the academic ability to perform in a mainstream class (this is where least restrictive environment gets tricky).

And people who preach inclusion are often focused on some ABC Family Movie of the Week version of disabilities they watched in the 80s. My 14 year old wears diapers, has no functional communication, and drools onto her bib all day. She is a baby cognitively. No, I don’t want her pushed into a mainstream environment in any way, shape or form. And, I actually do support inclusion for many kids —
But without appropriate funding, we have to realize it is a mess.

It is a tough place for everyone to be. The reality is that even though I’m rich, I will never have enough money to pay for the 24-7 care my daughter needs. She will end up in a Medicaid funded intermediate care facility (assuming republicans don’t fit Medicaid). It is a mess.

Don’t “kill” Medicaid.

[Anonymous]

OP, are your kids in school? When you have a year where your DC's classroom is evacuated on a weekly+ basis because of a kid with out of control behavior, you'll understand a bit more what your SIL is trying to say. Private schools kick those kids out. Public schools can't.

[Anonymous]

Private schools have plenty of disabled kids (thinking of kids with physical disabilities). Disabled kids love to learn too. And it is very important that disabled kids, like all kids and their teachers, are in a safe environment. The private will kick out any kid, disabled or not, who is unable to control himself and puts others in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the one who asked the question, asked her to elaborate on the answer, and then told her that her answer was ridiculous.

She is NTA.

I mens, she is the A, but it is her right to be the A.

[Anonymous]

She speaks the truth. There are lots of reasons the public school system in over taxed and it’s buckling right now. Her professional life gave her an insight you’ll soon see, too

[Anonymous]

Is the subtext here that she can afford it and you can’t because she has one kid and you have three?

Regardless there is a lot of truth in what she says, and buying in a “good” district shouldn’t prevent you from thinking critically about your children’s school experience. My sense is that no one is blaming disabled children. Rather it’s the macroeconomics that put so many already stressed children in beforecare and aftercare—and staffing ratios that make harmonious inclusion unlikely.

[Anonymous]

I worked with the most severe behavior kids in an elementary setting for many years very successfully, but I can definitely see where your SIL is coming from. She's pretty much right. The typical public schools these days are not properly staffed, funded, or administered and the situation is getting worse.

While it is beneficial for most kids with IEPs to be mainstreamed in regular ed classrooms or at least in a public school setting rather than a special needs school, and it is also beneficial for most kids without IEPs to go to school with kids with IEPs, there are more and more situations where it is not beneficial to either group, it's too negative and damaging on a daily basis.

No need to villainize your SIL or others like her, they are making the best decision they can for their own kids given what they can afford.

[Anonymous]

She's not wrong, OP.

[Anonymous]

I have a child with special needs and she's correct that children with special needs are in public school because privates don't want them and only publics have the government support to implement IEPs and provide services and accommodations. The rest is just heinous judgment on her part, which is not kind or true because most families do try to address their children's issues, instead of ignoring them.

My children's public school classes have been disrupted multiple times by kids with severe behavioral issues, particularly in elementary, when families are still struggling to figure out diagnoses and treatments. By middle school, the problems subside because these families either figure out what combination of meds work, or their child is so severely impacted that they end up needing special schools.

My child with disabilities benefited from MCPS's gifted, talented and learning disabled program, a unique program that supports children with IEPs as well as high IQs - usually the high-functioning ADHD/ASD types. I can't say enough good things about it. He was offered amazing speech therapy services in elementary, and most years of his school career, had a kind and well-meaning IEP team. Sometimes they were even helpful!

So her judgment passed on parents is way out of line, but it's true there are some very disruptive kids in schools these days.

I still kept all my kids in public. MCPS has excellent advanced tracking, tons of AP/dual enrollment/IB course offerings depending on which high school cluster you're in, and one of my kids was in a magnet. It's one of the better tax-payer-funded systems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s naive to think that private schools don’t get any special needs kids.

They have the mild ADHD, or mild ASD, kids, whose parents think that "small class size" will avoid the need to a formal diagnosis or medication. Privates are very clear they cannot support any moderate to severe needs, and by law they are not required to anyway, unlike publics. And then there are special needs privates, which is an other thing entirely.

[Anonymous]

She’s not wrong. As a society we have decided that kids with disabilities are more important than anyone else. I’m not disagreeing with that. But you have to realize that mainstreaming means that teachers attention won’t be on how to make the smartest kids smarter. No, it’s how to get the slowest kids to grade level.

I truly wish they did more tracking and also allowed kids to move fluidly through tracks. It would give teachers more uniform classes to work with. Kindergarten wouldn’t be some kids who are reading small chapter books and others who know no letters and don’t speak English.

[Anonymous]

This conversation didn’t happen. If you thought your DCs would possibly end up in the same class together then you’d already know which public school she is zoned for. So I don’t know what would have made you ask which should her kid would attend. And you say your 3 kids will attend school soon but your youngest is getting assessed for an IEP. I know in some district pre-k kids can get IEPs, but if you have 2 older kids wouldn’t at least 1 of them be in school already?

And the way you restated the argument makes me think these are your thoughts on public school and you’re stirring the pot. Yawn.