having a "boyfriend" 5th grade

[Anonymous]

I remember this post from last summer and always struck me that OP just wasn’t used to daughter being friend with boy and wanted it to be more. OP never said her daughter calling friend a BF- was all the OP wondering if she should.

[Anonymous]

We have a 6th grader who has always had friends who are boys. They are more like brothers to her but it gets awkward. She gets annoyed because she does not like them as more than friends but other girls want to start suggesting they need to date etc. We have coached our child on what to say in such instances and to set boundaries. She has backed away from a few boys because of it and also maintained a few friendships with other boys.

In some instances, the parents reinforce the notion of dating, by asking who is taking whom to the dance etc.

Many of the girls who are 'dating' -- and this is only what I am hearing secondhand -- seem more pressured to do so because of the need to be popular or special. Some may genuinely like each other and will need some guidance.

Regardless, it is up to the parent to have a conversation with their child about to how to handle emotions and set boundaries. Also engage the middle school counselor when they break up as there is typically a lot of drama. Counselors seem to spend a lot of time dealing with the fallout from these relationships as most kids need help processing their emotions.

Based on the 'relationships' I have heard about, they may well be benign in many ways, but many of these girls let the boys speak or behave in ways that our daughter finds disrespectful. On the other end of the spectrum, some of these girls are downright controlling. Thus far, we have not seen / heard of many with very healthy behaviors.

While I personally feel it is hard enough to be a tween/early teen without relationships coming into the mix, it is also a good time to talk about the dynamics of respect, consent, and feeling supported in any relationship -- as well how to directly and confidently let someone know they are solidly in the friend zone and will remain there.