having a "boyfriend" 5th grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a boyfriend around that age that lasted quite a while. They were very nice to each other and I think she liked having a friend with shared interests who was outside her friend group. I think they held hands and got each other presents and texted in the afternoons and that was that in terms of romance. The main thing that was rough for her was people often teasing her about it, and figuring out if they'd say 'together' when their classes shifted. I think it was a fine experience over all. We met his parents and did a few activities as families, which I also appreciated. It wasn't anything that made me worry.

I agree with you. They have their whole lives. Crushes are fine and cute but beyond that, they really aren't emotionally ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being a bit naive. I’m 5th grade I was kissing my “boyfriend” at my locker and by 6th grade we were sneaking into the locker room to make out and then some after school. And I was not the only one. In middle school these relationships come with physical exploration.

This is something OP should be aware of, but it all depends on the child's temperament and home life, and dare I say it, social class. UMC 5th graders don't have sex.

She said “kissing” not having sex. Nobody claimed 5th graders were having sex.

You can’t dare say “social class” unless you can explain what you think that means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being a bit naive. I’m 5th grade I was kissing my “boyfriend” at my locker and by 6th grade we were sneaking into the locker room to make out and then some after school. And I was not the only one. In middle school these relationships come with physical exploration.

This is something OP should be aware of, but it all depends on the child's temperament and home life, and dare I say it, social class. UMC 5th graders don't have sex.

PP you’re responding to and I never said sex, but you’re fooling yourself if you don’t think middle schoolers are sneaking a kiss and doing some above the clothes action.

I'm not fooling myself about anything. You are titillating yourself with talk of elementary school children doing things. OP, if these kids are in an elementary school that tops out at 5th, you don't really have much to worry about. Kids this age won't get certain ideas in their heads if they are not exposed to much older kids day to day. I'd be more vigilant if they kids were in the same school as 8th graders, who are more likely to be doing stuff.

5th graders of today are looking at PornHub and a whole host of inappropriate and very sexual content. It's like how it used to be.

Yes - if daughter has a phone with camera and texting abilities you need to talk to her about not sending pics and letting you know right away if inappropriate pics are requested. Former MS teacher there. This is sooo much more common than you know. Even if the kids directly dating are sweet and innocent, older friends or brothers can get involved and things can escalate quickly.

Yes. I learned this the hard way. I thought I had till middle school to deal with sexual stuff with my DS. But as a high schooler, he confessed that other boys who had phones had shown him and looked up PornHub videos and images when they used to ride the bus together back in 5th grade. I was stunned.

So even preventing your kid from having a phone doesn't prevent other kids who do have phones from showing them inappropriate stuff. Innocence in kids is almost damn near impossible to maintain with the kind of technology access we have available to kids today.

+1
When my DD entered the fifth grade in a new school, on the first day a boy told her "look at this little baby, she doesn't know what a d**k is". She actually didn't know and asked me what it was. The fifth boys were posting images alluding to anal sex in the classroom homework group.

On the first day?? Wow, that is nuts. How did this pervert boy know your DD didn't have a baby brother or something? That kind of behavior was almost certainly modeled by that boy's older brother. It's always the kids with older siblings who initiate the nasty talk at school.

DD knew what penis was but was unfamiliar with the D word. somehow, he sensed it. yes, he has an older brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being a bit naive. I’m 5th grade I was kissing my “boyfriend” at my locker and by 6th grade we were sneaking into the locker room to make out and then some after school. And I was not the only one. In middle school these relationships come with physical exploration.

This is something OP should be aware of, but it all depends on the child's temperament and home life, and dare I say it, social class. UMC 5th graders don't have sex.

She said “kissing” not having sex. Nobody claimed 5th graders were having sex.

You can’t dare say “social class” unless you can explain what you think that means.

If you don't know what social class means, lord help yah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re being a bit naive. I’m 5th grade I was kissing my “boyfriend” at my locker and by 6th grade we were sneaking into the locker room to make out and then some after school. And I was not the only one. In middle school these relationships come with physical exploration.

This is something OP should be aware of, but it all depends on the child's temperament and home life, and dare I say it, social class. UMC 5th graders don't have sex.

She said “kissing” not having sex. Nobody claimed 5th graders were having sex.

You can’t dare say “social class” unless you can explain what you think that means.

If you don't know what social class means, lord help yah.

I want to know what it means to you and why you would claim that umc would never have sex in 5th grade instead of including all 5th graders that it’s rare for them to have sex, if at all.

Suburban schools are usually mixed income families including private schools. Are you claiming the higher income students don’t associate with the middle class income students? The middle class students might have sex in middle school but not upper middle class? Nobody goes through life in the US without meeting, interacting and becoming friends and family with people with all sorts of backgrounds and wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach upper elementary. Those that are dating are not innocent and no, it’s not cute. They kiss. They finger each other. They show each other their body parts. They feel pressure from outside friends to do adult stuff since they are dating. They basically have to prove it to them. It’s a distraction in school. Do not encourage it.

+1

[Anonymous]

My kids were not allowed to date from K-12. They had a large social circle and they did a lot of fun activities as a group. Including prom, homecoming, trips, clubs, study groups, travel ECs. They dated in college and they found great partners to marry.

There are more families that are a bit conservative and modest than what you have been led to believe and your job as a parent is to create a village around your kids from the time they are young. Don't let stupidity derail your kids lives.

- Immigrant parent.

Peer pressure orks both ays. It can spur the kids to behave badly or it can make the kids more ell behaved.

[Anonymous]

No honestly I think a kid either above or at ten can date I mean by that kids start figuring themselves out and start figuring what and who they like now I'm not saying kids who are ten or older can kiss yet they have to wait till they are probably in middle school but I will say it's fine to be dating in 5th grade as long as you aren't kissing but just holding hands or talking on the phone or having little dates together

[Anonymous]

Someone I worked with lost his virginity at 11. To me that is insanely young.

I worked in one elementary school where the talk and gestures of the kids was very sexualized. I don't know how many were also acting on it, but they knew a lot. There was definitely kissing but what else, I don't know.

I would not encourage one on one time together outside of school. I think it is odd to feel that kids should have boyfriends in elementary school to get it out of the way. That is just perpetuating the idea that if you are a teen without a boyfriend / girlfriend there is something wrong with you and there isn't.

Kids grow up in many different environments but I would not be encouraging a romantic boyfriend / girlfriend relationship in 5th graders. I think that is developmentally inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

I had my first "boyfriend" in 5th grade (1991). It consisted of us verbally saying "bye" to each other when getting off the bus in the afternoon, for an entire week. Then we broke up.

It's a different time. Today's 5th graders are like 1991's 10th graders.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can stop the conceptualization of another person as her bf it per se, but I just would not actively encourage it. Only refer to him as her friend, don't talk about him in a way that awards him special status, etc. If she wants to talk about how crazy she is about him, acknowledge her feelings and talk about handling those feelings responsibly. Maybe start the conversation by asking what her end goals are, what she is hoping to see happen and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People call me old school, but I don't think it's cute or appropriate to encourage young children to engage in romantic relationships, no matter how "innocent" you believe them to be. They have their whole lives to be adults. Just be a kid.

"Dating" comes with responsibilities and consequences that children should be saddled with. The earliest that this sort of thing is even tolerable, in my opinion, is high school. But I know many parents have much liberal views on this than me.

This.

Totally inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

I had a boyfriend in 4th grade and it was pretty harmless and then not again until junior year of high school haha.

Difference is my parents had no clue. I wouldn’t encourage it but no need to ban it as they are really just glorified friends at that age. By not encourage it - I think when parents talk about their kids boyfriends like they are a 16 yo couple but they are 11, is super weird.

I think it’s healthy and better to have friends of the opposite sex though. My oldest has since around then and her ability to connect with boys has served her well in life with school and work, and her relationships later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People call me old school, but I don't think it's cute or appropriate to encourage young children to engage in romantic relationships, no matter how "innocent" you believe them to be. They have their whole lives to be adults. Just be a kid.

"Dating" comes with responsibilities and consequences that children should be saddled with. The earliest that this sort of thing is even tolerable, in my opinion, is high school. But I know many parents have much liberal views on this than me.

This.

Totally inappropriate.

+2

[Anonymous]

Why is this old post being revived? So more people can relive their stories about having bf/gf in elementary school?