DD and fiancé are living way beyond their means. Do I say anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ramsey's insistence on paying off mortgage is also smart. Most people spend extra money so instead making additional payments on mortgage can shave off several years.

Ramsey's advice is for people who can't make good decisions for themselves, so they need someone to tell them to do suboptimal things that are easier to comply with because they require less self-control to avoid temptation.

Unsurprisingly, Ramsey and his target audience are religious people.

Well, considering most Americans have student loans, mortgages, car leases and credit card debt, 80% of the nation is his target audience, religious or not.

Homebuyers with student loans, car lease and mortgage with PMI, go out to buy shopping for new furniture and decor as soon as they sign the title. Why won't one wait and save?

Good question.

But with the persistently high rates of bankruptcy, it’s clear young people are making terrible financial decisions. Someone is clearly getting very rich off these kids’ misery.

Why wouldn’t you want them to get sound advice from someone like Ramsey? Those here criticizing him probably work for the banks or those shady “credit repair” schemes.

[Anonymous]

OP, how are you drawing your conclusions on their spending habits outside of rent? If it’s social media, just know that it’s a game of smoke and mirrors. The idea is to make it look like you are spending a lot, which is easy to do when you just show the highlights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a one-time conversation with them that includes an offer to connect them with (pay for) financial advisor who can help them create a budget. If they reject the offer I'd drop it.

This is the best advice.

Has DD always been bad with money or is this new?

Agree. This is not some moral judgment on living together but is on a topic that can significantly handicap them going forward (financially speaking). It could prevent home ownership, affect retirement savings, among other things. I'd mention what you're seeing and your concern, gently and allowing for the fact that you may not have all the facts. Offer up a financial advisor and/or someone who can help with a budget and flag some of the dangers of overspending. Acknowledge they are not required to listen or take you up on it and say you won't raise it again. Then don't. She's an adult. It would be VERY PAINFUL to watch my kid get themselves into serious financial straits but there would not be much I could do about it.

[Anonymous]

This is not your business. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB works great until the children come begging for money for decades.

If DD is spending outlandishly, OP failed to teach financial sense and control (not judging, it's hard) and is well within their place to try to fix that.

Then if DD pushes back, OP did their part and is guilt-free to spend their money on more worthwhile pursuits than bailing out a spendthrift.

I think it's OK to have a talk with DD about the perils of overspending.

You need to make it clear to DD that you will not bail her out, ever. If she ends up bankrupt, she can sleep in your spare bedroom, but you won't pay for anything for her.

I told my kids that we would pay for college, and after that, they are 100% on their own. They are always welcome to live at home (none of them chose that option), but we would not pay for anything, nor would we bail them out if they got into financial trouble. We do pay half of their airfare when they come home because want them to visit us, and we give them gifts for holidays and birthday, but never money!! We ask if there's something they need, and give them that.

I have a friend who's been bailed out by her wealthy mom for her entire life. It's infantalizing. She's never truly grown up.

Does that mean you're never going to expect your kids to give you money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave Ramsey's book.

I listened to Ramsay, read some of his materials, and yes, a few of his ideas are practical and productive. Overall, however, his guidance for the majority of his listeners- younger, conservative, evangelical leaning families-simply lacks applicability. Ramsay, like many of his type (Bible thumping demagogues) preys on the ignorant and gullible, fleecing those who buy his brand of economic salvation.

Those who strictly follow Ramsay’s ‘no debt ever’ ‘cash only for a house, and if you must buy a house, only a 15 year mortgage with 20% down’ will be renters forever.

If Ramsay had not mined his money schtick into a profitable income stream, he would be peddling Amway, MonaVie, Lululemon, or the newest MLM.

Nailed it on all counts.

[Anonymous]

I would try to make sure the debt is not in her name, or at least not most of it. In theory he may be a leech and making her spend money on him and then he is in the clear and she is stuck with all the debt.
Obviously I don’t know him but that’s what I would look out for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ramsey's insistence on paying off mortgage is also smart. Most people spend extra money so instead making additional payments on mortgage can shave off several years.

Ramsey's advice is for people who can't make good decisions for themselves, so they need someone to tell them to do suboptimal things that are easier to comply with because they require less self-control to avoid temptation.

Unsurprisingly, Ramsey and his target audience are religious people.

Well, considering most Americans have student loans, mortgages, car leases and credit card debt, 80% of the nation is his target audience, religious or not.

Homebuyers with student loans, car lease and mortgage with PMI, go out to buy shopping for new furniture and decor as soon as they sign the title. Why won't one wait and save?

Good question.

But with the persistently high rates of bankruptcy, it’s clear young people are making terrible financial decisions. Someone is clearly getting very rich off these kids’ misery.

Why wouldn’t you want them to get sound advice from someone like Ramsey? Those here criticizing him probably work for the banks or those shady “credit repair” schemes.

No, we don’t. Please grow up.

Ramsey’s schtick is targeted to the simple-minded and easily led. Since you’re defending him so vociferously, that must be you. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you know what they earn? I have no idea why, but my parents are convinced I make like 40-50k and I make 150k.

Yes I know. She has told me.

Are you sure she told the truth? My spouse earned more than my father with decades less experience in the same industry. We downplayed our salaries so that we didn't embarrass him.

Why does DCUM always insist people have secret income!!!

A lot of people are subsidized by their parents. You would never guess.

I certainly would guess that, but PP is suggesting they have secret income *from their parents,* which is beyond stupid.

What does OP know about fiancé’s financial situation? What, for that matter, does DD know about her fiancé’s financial situation? Truth about money matters is often hidden even from spouses.

The idea that it's MORE likely that OP's daughter is secretly rolling in it, than that she's just overspending, is laughable.

Not in DC it’s not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you know what they earn? I have no idea why, but my parents are convinced I make like 40-50k and I make 150k.

Yes I know. She has told me.

Are you sure she told the truth? My spouse earned more than my father with decades less experience in the same industry. We downplayed our salaries so that we didn't embarrass him.

Why does DCUM always insist people have secret income!!!

Because most people do.

It's not secret; it's private. I don't think either of our parents or siblings had a clue what our income is and that is the way it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave Ramsey's book.

I listened to Ramsay, read some of his materials, and yes, a few of his ideas are practical and productive. Overall, however, his guidance for the majority of his listeners- younger, conservative, evangelical leaning families-simply lacks applicability. Ramsay, like many of his type (Bible thumping demagogues) preys on the ignorant and gullible, fleecing those who buy his brand of economic salvation.

Those who strictly follow Ramsay’s ‘no debt ever’ ‘cash only for a house, and if you must buy a house, only a 15 year mortgage with 20% down’ will be renters forever.

If Ramsay had not mined his money schtick into a profitable income stream, he would be peddling Amway, MonaVie, Lululemon, or the newest MLM.

hahahha this is the funniest error ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ramsey's insistence on paying off mortgage is also smart. Most people spend extra money so instead making additional payments on mortgage can shave off several years.

Ramsey's advice is for people who can't make good decisions for themselves, so they need someone to tell them to do suboptimal things that are easier to comply with because they require less self-control to avoid temptation.

Unsurprisingly, Ramsey and his target audience are religious people.

Well, considering most Americans have student loans, mortgages, car leases and credit card debt, 80% of the nation is his target audience, religious or not.

Homebuyers with student loans, car lease and mortgage with PMI, go out to buy shopping for new furniture and decor as soon as they sign the title. Why won't one wait and save?

Good question.

But with the persistently high rates of bankruptcy, it’s clear young people are making terrible financial decisions. Someone is clearly getting very rich off these kids’ misery.

Why wouldn’t you want them to get sound advice from someone like Ramsey? Those here criticizing him probably work for the banks or those shady “credit repair” schemes.

'Shady credit repair schemes'? Appears Dave Ramsey fleeces his audience with a shady scheme...
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/06/03/dave-ramsey-timeshare-lawsuit/
Ramsey was allegedly paid as much as $30 million from 2015 to 2021 to endorse Timeshare Exit Team, which collected $200 million from clients — many of whom were his listeners. Reed Hein & Associates, a Washington state-based company that was under the name Timeshare Exit Team at the time, received $70 million in fees from Ramsey’s customers, the lawsuit claims. Reed Hein & Associates went out of business after settling with Washington state for more than $2.6 million in a lawsuit over allegedly deceptive business practices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you know what they earn? I have no idea why, but my parents are convinced I make like 40-50k and I make 150k.

Yes I know. She has told me.

Are you sure she told the truth? My spouse earned more than my father with decades less experience in the same industry. We downplayed our salaries so that we didn't embarrass him.

Why does DCUM always insist people have secret income!!!

Because most people do.

Most people absolutely DO NOT have secret income!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ramsey's insistence on paying off mortgage is also smart. Most people spend extra money so instead making additional payments on mortgage can shave off several years.

Ramsey's advice is for people who can't make good decisions for themselves, so they need someone to tell them to do suboptimal things that are easier to comply with because they require less self-control to avoid temptation.

Unsurprisingly, Ramsey and his target audience are religious people.

Well, considering most Americans have student loans, mortgages, car leases and credit card debt, 80% of the nation is his target audience, religious or not.

Homebuyers with student loans, car lease and mortgage with PMI, go out to buy shopping for new furniture and decor as soon as they sign the title. Why won't one wait and save?

Good question.

But with the persistently high rates of bankruptcy, it’s clear young people are making terrible financial decisions. Someone is clearly getting very rich off these kids’ misery.

Why wouldn’t you want them to get sound advice from someone like Ramsey? Those here criticizing him probably work for the banks or those shady “credit repair” schemes.

No, we don’t. Please grow up.

Ramsey’s schtick is targeted to the simple-minded and easily led. Since you’re defending him so vociferously, that must be you. Sad.

Ramsey's "shtick" is for people with impulse control issues who need to stop taking on consumer debt.

[Anonymous]

You can ask how they do it.

My older DD had a pretty luxurious lifestyle for a MC twenty-something with an income of $40k and undergrad loans. Some of it was smoke and mirrors: buying used on Poshmark or strategic purchases of clothing and home goods that look high end, but are dupes. Some of it was having wealthy friends and older female relatives who gifted or handed down luxury items. And some of it was barter or the byproducts of freelance work on the side.

It doesn’t mean they are racking up CC debt.