DD and fiancé are living way beyond their means. Do I say anything?

[Anonymous]

I lot of people get into debt mess by spending what they don't have. You sure can give good advice to your adult kid, just don't make it an ingoing bulletin.

That being said, many earn less but have no debt and some subsidizing from parents so they can live at higher standard than their peer who has large student loans or supports their parents.

[Anonymous]

It's a great idea to offer to pay for a financial advisor after they are married. Having a third party looking over what they are doing - if they are very young they probably aren't saving much - and helping them get organized and saving could be huge. Most kids don't know much about investing and different accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dave Ramsey's book.

I listened to Ramsay, read some of his materials, and yes, a few of his ideas are practical and productive. Overall, however, his guidance for the majority of his listeners- younger, conservative, evangelical leaning families-simply lacks applicability. Ramsay, like many of his type (Bible thumping demagogues) preys on the ignorant and gullible, fleecing those who buy his brand of economic salvation.

Those who strictly follow Ramsay’s ‘no debt ever’ ‘cash only for a house, and if you must buy a house, only a 15 year mortgage with 20% down’ will be renters forever.

If Ramsay had not mined his money schtick into a profitable income stream, he would be peddling Amway, MonaVie, Lululemon, or the newest MLM.

[Anonymous]

Their marital status raises questions as serious as their financial issues. If their current relationship dissolves, who bears legal responsibility for the debt? I would not subsidize their lifestyle, but I would speak frankly with DD privately regarding the debt legal responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a one-time conversation with them that includes an offer to connect them with (pay for) financial advisor who can help them create a budget. If they reject the offer I'd drop it.

why would anyone need a financial advisor to create a budget?

I have a financial advisor who manages our investments that are in the millions. I don't look to them on how to budget. That's just what normal adults with a brain should be able to do. I managed to save that amount by living within my means early on.

I don't understand how adults don't know how to budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a great idea to offer to pay for a financial advisor after they are married. Having a third party looking over what they are doing - if they are very young they probably aren't saving much - and helping them get organized and saving could be huge. Most kids don't know much about investing and different accounts.

First, these are adults, not kids.

Second, whose fault is it that they don't anything about budgeting or finance?

Why aren't parents teaching their kids about budgeting and finance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a one-time conversation with them that includes an offer to connect them with (pay for) financial advisor who can help them create a budget. If they reject the offer I'd drop it.

why would anyone need a financial advisor to create a budget?

I have a financial advisor who manages our investments that are in the millions. I don't look to them on how to budget. That's just what normal adults with a brain should be able to do. I managed to save that amount by living within my means early on.

I don't understand how adults don't know how to budget.

Wealth managers can and help with budgets, but it's more along the lines of how much money can be withdrawn while keeping the probability that you don't run out or, for the really rich, that the principal continues to grow. That's probably not useful to OP's kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a great idea to offer to pay for a financial advisor after they are married. Having a third party looking over what they are doing - if they are very young they probably aren't saving much - and helping them get organized and saving could be huge. Most kids don't know much about investing and different accounts.

First, these are adults, not kids.

Second, whose fault is it that they don't anything about budgeting or finance?

Why aren't parents teaching their kids about budgeting and finance?

Mine said that he is only 9 and not interested at 9. 16-year old is as cheap as one can get. Doesn't mean he knows personal finance though. Told them to come to mama before they mess up. I can see why they are not interested at this age other than investing in Roblox stock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a great idea to offer to pay for a financial advisor after they are married. Having a third party looking over what they are doing - if they are very young they probably aren't saving much - and helping them get organized and saving could be huge. Most kids don't know much about investing and different accounts.

First, these are adults, not kids.

Second, whose fault is it that they don't anything about budgeting or finance?

Why aren't parents teaching their kids about budgeting and finance?

Mine said that he is only 9 and not interested at 9. 16-year old is as cheap as one can get. Doesn't mean he knows personal finance though. Told them to come to mama before they mess up. I can see why they are not interested at this age other than investing in Roblox stock.

My kids weren't interested in learning to clean or cook, but I still made them listen and do.

Parents need to teach their kids about budgeting and finance so they don't end up in OP's DD's mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave Ramsey's book.

Why would you give your kid terrible advice?

While I don't like the "religious aspect" of Dave Ramsey, what is so "terrible" about his plans?

His advice can help get a truly idiotic person out of debt but it will also ensure that the person will never build wealth. Very short-sighted if you have actual financial aspirations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a one-time conversation with them that includes an offer to connect them with (pay for) financial advisor who can help them create a budget. If they reject the offer I'd drop it.

why would anyone need a financial advisor to create a budget?

I have a financial advisor who manages our investments that are in the millions. I don't look to them on how to budget. That's just what normal adults with a brain should be able to do. I managed to save that amount by living within my means early on.

I don't understand how adults don't know how to budget.

Wealth managers can and help with budgets, but it's more along the lines of how much money can be withdrawn while keeping the probability that you don't run out or, for the really rich, that the principal continues to grow. That's probably not useful to OP's kid

Right.. and that's what my FA will do for us when we retire.

But, as you said, that's not where OP's DD is at.

Budgeting is common sense. You don't spend more than your intake, and as a responsible adult, you save for a rainy day. That's not rocket science, but it is something that **children** need to be taught.

That should be taught BEFORE they become adults.

No wonder so many adults are in debt.

But since OP's DD didn't learn that BEFORE she became an adult, OP needs to teach that to her now. Never too late to learn.

Yes, have the convo with her. It's responsible of both of you to not have that conversation.

[Anonymous]

Don’t bail them out.

[Anonymous]

A lot of young people want to live social media perfection which pushes them into debt.

[Anonymous]

Unless you’re actually seeing bank and credit card statements, you’re still just guessing, right?

[Anonymous]

Offer to pay for a financial advisor before the wedding.

“We love Fiancé and want you two to have the best life possible. Here’s the number of a financial planner. We’re happy to pay for his services so you two can start your married life on the best financial footing possible.”


Also make it clear you’ll never bail them out.