Wide age spans of girls in a grade- what to expect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A quarter of the girls will be 10 by Christmas of 3rd grade? I have trouble believing that.

My kid goes to an all boys private with a huge amount of redshirting and reclassing, and the rates aren't near that high.

No, a quarter of the girls will be turning 10 between Christmas and February. And yes, I agree that it is unusual. But this is a group that also absorbed a decent amount of 2019-20 kindergarten repeats from public schools (they missed 3 months of kindergarten, essentially) and a few other complicated situations.

So 25% of her classmates were held back, not for 1 year, but for 2 years? Sounds like you need to switch schools.

This was probably due to the pandemic given OP’s kid’s age, and it’s going to be the case at most schools.

Um…no. I have a kid who just finished 2nd so same grade as OP’s kid (pandemic led to schools closed at end of 4k preschool and virtual school for kindergarten) no one was held back 2 years. The oldest kid in my kid’s class turned 9 in May of 2nd grade (so her bday is May 2014). Not sure I really believe OP that some kids are 22 months older than hers and in the same grade. So she’s saying there’s a September 2013 born kid and a July 2015 born kid in the same grade? No way unless the older kid has severe learning disorder or health issues. Certainly not 25% of girls in the grade are that much older.

at some weird private school, who the hell knows what they allow. they may very well allow a kindy-redshirted kid to be held back in later grades. absolute madness, but a private school can do what it wants for the most part.

Private schools want more $$ money so obviously they want more redshirted kids!! Ha they will hold them back as much as they can so their parents pay extra tuition! But still I have never heard of a kid born in September being held back unless they have severe issues—learning disorder or health problems.

[Anonymous]

Probably OP was confused and did the math wrong. I have a summer bday kid and they went to school on time (so will turn 8 right before 3rd grade starts, just like OP’s kid). My kid is the 3rd youngest kid in the grade. The youngest was born august 31 (born August 2014) and the oldest kid in the grade turned 9 in May (born May 2013). So oldest and youngest are 15 months apart, not 18-22 months apart as OP claims. Even at small private schools, there are not more than a few kids born between September-April who are held back/“redshirted. generally only June-August bday kids and rarely April-May birthday kids are redshirted, meaning the largest possible age gap would be 16 months and even that would be a very rare April redshirt. Most redshirted are still only 11-13 months older than the summer bday kids who go on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably OP was confused and did the math wrong. I have a summer bday kid and they went to school on time (so will turn 8 right before 3rd grade starts, just like OP’s kid). My kid is the 3rd youngest kid in the grade. The youngest was born august 31 (born August 2014) and the oldest kid in the grade turned 9 in May (born May 2013). So oldest and youngest are 15 months apart, not 18-22 months apart as OP claims. Even at small private schools, there are not more than a few kids born between September-April who are held back/“redshirted. generally only June-August bday kids and rarely April-May birthday kids are redshirted, meaning the largest possible age gap would be 16 months and even that would be a very rare April redshirt. Most redshirted are still only 11-13 months older than the summer bday kids who go on time.

What a stupid post. OP must be wrong because your child's school has a 15 month span between oldest and youngest. It never occured to you that a different private school operates by its own rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably OP was confused and did the math wrong. I have a summer bday kid and they went to school on time (so will turn 8 right before 3rd grade starts, just like OP’s kid). My kid is the 3rd youngest kid in the grade. The youngest was born august 31 (born August 2014) and the oldest kid in the grade turned 9 in May (born May 2013). So oldest and youngest are 15 months apart, not 18-22 months apart as OP claims. Even at small private schools, there are not more than a few kids born between September-April who are held back/“redshirted. generally only June-August bday kids and rarely April-May birthday kids are redshirted, meaning the largest possible age gap would be 16 months and even that would be a very rare April redshirt. Most redshirted are still only 11-13 months older than the summer bday kids who go on time.

Last born in May is not normal. Last born usually is August-September, maybe October/November. That might be your school but that's not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A quarter of the girls will be 10 by Christmas of 3rd grade? I have trouble believing that.

My kid goes to an all boys private with a huge amount of redshirting and reclassing, and the rates aren't near that high.

No, a quarter of the girls will be turning 10 between Christmas and February. And yes, I agree that it is unusual. But this is a group that also absorbed a decent amount of 2019-20 kindergarten repeats from public schools (they missed 3 months of kindergarten, essentially) and a few other complicated situations.

So 25% of her classmates were held back, not for 1 year, but for 2 years? Sounds like you need to switch schools.

This was probably due to the pandemic given OP’s kid’s age, and it’s going to be the case at most schools.

Um…no. I have a kid who just finished 2nd so same grade as OP’s kid (pandemic led to schools closed at end of 4k preschool and virtual school for kindergarten) no one was held back 2 years. The oldest kid in my kid’s class turned 9 in May of 2nd grade (so her bday is May 2014). Not sure I really believe OP that some kids are 22 months older than hers and in the same grade. So she’s saying there’s a September 2013 born kid and a July 2015 born kid in the same grade? No way unless the older kid has severe learning disorder or health issues. Certainly not 25% of girls in the grade are that much older.

at some weird private school, who the hell knows what they allow. they may very well allow a kindy-redshirted kid to be held back in later grades. absolute madness, but a private school can do what it wants for the most part.

Private schools want more $$ money so obviously they want more redshirted kids!! Ha they will hold them back as much as they can so their parents pay extra tuition! But still I have never heard of a kid born in September being held back unless they have severe issues—learning disorder or health problems.

A lot of schools have a cut off of 9/1 or earlier so a September kid is not generally held back and on-time. Some school systems have a 6-8 week test in for September/October kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably OP was confused and did the math wrong. I have a summer bday kid and they went to school on time (so will turn 8 right before 3rd grade starts, just like OP’s kid). My kid is the 3rd youngest kid in the grade. The youngest was born august 31 (born August 2014) and the oldest kid in the grade turned 9 in May (born May 2013). So oldest and youngest are 15 months apart, not 18-22 months apart as OP claims. Even at small private schools, there are not more than a few kids born between September-April who are held back/“redshirted. generally only June-August bday kids and rarely April-May birthday kids are redshirted, meaning the largest possible age gap would be 16 months and even that would be a very rare April redshirt. Most redshirted are still only 11-13 months older than the summer bday kids who go on time.

Last born in May is not normal. Last born usually is August-September, maybe October/November. That might be your school but that's not normal.

Not PP but chiming in. You didn't read the post correctly. They said that oldest kids are redshirted May birthdays. Not the youngest kids being May birthdays.

Which is what we are seeing at our public school. A few May/June almost always boys, and then some summer birthdays, almost all boys. Maybe a few late August girls. So those kids started K at 6. 9/1 cut off.

[Anonymous]

The point is this school allows classrooms to have a wide span of ages because they a) don't enforce any sort of kindergarten cut off, and b) do allow grade repetition. Someone who needs to repeat a grade would normally be counseled out. I agree with the poster who said money grab. All private schools are to some degree, but some are worse than others. This is obviously not a top tier selective school.

[Anonymous]

IME it's not the girls' ages, it's the girls that have older, "mature" siblings that are the absolute worst. They start drama early, they bully early, they start dressing and acting much older than they are around 4th grade. Happened with both of my girls. My older one is an introvert and had such a hard time. My younger one saw what happened to my older daughter and, I think, was extra careful with her social interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably OP was confused and did the math wrong. I have a summer bday kid and they went to school on time (so will turn 8 right before 3rd grade starts, just like OP’s kid). My kid is the 3rd youngest kid in the grade. The youngest was born august 31 (born August 2014) and the oldest kid in the grade turned 9 in May (born May 2013). So oldest and youngest are 15 months apart, not 18-22 months apart as OP claims. Even at small private schools, there are not more than a few kids born between September-April who are held back/“redshirted. generally only June-August bday kids and rarely April-May birthday kids are redshirted, meaning the largest possible age gap would be 16 months and even that would be a very rare April redshirt. Most redshirted are still only 11-13 months older than the summer bday kids who go on time.

I have a rising 2nd grader - the first grade that started K in person after Covid. There was a boy in her class born in February 2015 - he's a year and a half older than my August 2016 child.

[Anonymous]

I have a rising 2nd grader and about 50 percent of the boys are redshirted. (Very affluent public school). January 2015-August 2015 birthdays all redshirted. My son is the second youngest boy out of 50 kids and he’s May 2016. He’s been ok and held his own. It doesn’t hurt he’s good at sports and in the 90 percentile for height but I definitely do notice he seems less mature and savvy than some of his peers, mostly other boys who play sports year round like he does (these tend to be the families that redshirt), who are on average about a year older than him. I’m hoping with time the gap gets smaller or he continues to hold his own and it’s not a major issue. I don’t anticipate he will ever be a leader in this peer group just from what I see of the current dynamics but he is well liked and has many friends so I try not to worry too much about it. I told him when you have a May birthday your parents get to choose whether to send you early and late and I felt he was smart and ready and sent him early. I was hoping that empowered him a little since he’s started to notice he’s one of the younger ones. Academically he’s doing fine. Not gifted but tests well and on grade level.

[Anonymous]

Covid affected the start for lots of kids and it will be a lump in the system.

As for maturity - make an appt and talk to the guidance counselors at your middle school. See what they have to say about the success of the “younger” kids. Then talk to a guidance counselor at your high school. Again make an appt. to go to the school so you can see.

We sent our daughter with an Oct birthday as a 4 turning 5. She was an easy call to repeat K. She did okay academically - but not great. And she was okay socially - but not a leader. We decided to repeat K and soon learned that parents of 4 other girls with Sep-Oct birthdays made the same decision. We had a monster K soccer team with all the returning veterans.

Of the group of 5 - my kid is now an O/P, 1 is finishing med school, two are new lawyers -and one is a RN. Would they have done that if they had gone forward after starting at 4 or as a young 5? Can’t say of course though I doubt my kid would have done as well. The extra year certainly made her a college soccer player which was a huge benefit in her teen/adult maturity and growth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a rising 2nd grader and about 50 percent of the boys are redshirted. (Very affluent public school). January 2015-August 2015 birthdays all redshirted. My son is the second youngest boy out of 50 kids and he’s May 2016. He’s been ok and held his own. It doesn’t hurt he’s good at sports and in the 90 percentile for height but I definitely do notice he seems less mature and savvy than some of his peers, mostly other boys who play sports year round like he does (these tend to be the families that redshirt), who are on average about a year older than him. I’m hoping with time the gap gets smaller or he continues to hold his own and it’s not a major issue. I don’t anticipate he will ever be a leader in this peer group just from what I see of the current dynamics but he is well liked and has many friends so I try not to worry too much about it. I told him when you have a May birthday your parents get to choose whether to send you early and late and I felt he was smart and ready and sent him early. I was hoping that empowered him a little since he’s started to notice he’s one of the younger ones. Academically he’s doing fine. Not gifted but tests well and on grade level.

What is your district's cutoff date? That is pertinent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IME it's not the girls' ages, it's the girls that have older, "mature" siblings that are the absolute worst. They start drama early, they bully early, they start dressing and acting much older than they are around 4th grade. Happened with both of my girls. My older one is an introvert and had such a hard time. My younger one saw what happened to my older daughter and, I think, was extra careful with her social interactions.

This is generally true in my experience and it's similar with boys, as in the ones with older brothers tend start earlier with inappropriate language and nasty jokes. It's not universal though, and the age gap and parenting style plays a big part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a rising 3rd grade girl who just turned 8, but I’m posting here because I am hoping to understand and anticipate some of the challenges of being the youngest in a grade with far older girls. Has anyone experienced this?

She is at a private k-8 and there are occasional cohorts with big age spans, but her grade’s is especially pronounced due to pandemic repeats and redshirts. In the past, these cohorts have had ugly social problems in 6th/7th grade and there are occasionally gender imbalances or small grades that reflect girls leaving the school to escape the situation. I’d love to avoid that.

Girls in her grade are on average 6 months older than her but 25% of them are 18-22 months older. The older girls all happen to have middle school siblings. In 3rd grade, my daughter will have classmates turning 10. The current downsides of this that I’ve noticed are that my daughter is always a little behind socially in the fall, and that some of her classmates are trying on tween behavior, language, and social stuff. It was rough to parent a 2nd grader through what felt like middle school social dynamics, and I’m not looking forward to more of that this year. Some of the girls are also going through puberty at a developmentally appropriate but atypical-for-grade age, which has its own complications.

Do any parents of middle school or high school girls have advice for me for successfully parenting a girl who is young for her grade cohort?

I’m being specific to girls because I feel like the impact of redshirting on boy cohorts has been discussed here to death, but I haven’t found the same kind of advice for parents of girls.

3d/4th grade is generally when the a$$holery begins. The excluding. Gossiping. Some are older b/c of age, some b/c they have older siblings. The "cool" girls started to dress more tween-y and not want to "play" and had phones.

My DD is young for her grade and, even now in HS, doesn't engage in the more mature behavior of other girls. That's not a criticism in an of itself. However, those girls who do engage in them, generally (not always) seem to exclude the ones who don't. And it can get worse from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You couldn't overthink this any more if you tried. I would not be at ALL surprised if you wrote these things out on a piece of paper. An Excel spreadsheet could be involved.

You need to unclench. You need to let this unfold however they unfold, and deal with whatever comes up. You can't predict or control or prepare. Relax.

I kind of agree.

My DD did early entrance, so she is always the youngest.

Some ‘older’ girls are fantastically sweet and kind. Some ‘older’ girls live off of drama. Same with the younger girls. Some girls got their periods in 4th grade. DD and her one other friend still haven’t gotten them.

Just wait and see what happens.