Wide age spans of girls in a grade- what to expect?

[Anonymous]

I have a rising 3rd grade girl who just turned 8, but I’m posting here because I am hoping to understand and anticipate some of the challenges of being the youngest in a grade with far older girls. Has anyone experienced this?

She is at a private k-8 and there are occasional cohorts with big age spans, but her grade’s is especially pronounced due to pandemic repeats and redshirts. In the past, these cohorts have had ugly social problems in 6th/7th grade and there are occasionally gender imbalances or small grades that reflect girls leaving the school to escape the situation. I’d love to avoid that.

Girls in her grade are on average 6 months older than her but 25% of them are 18-22 months older. The older girls all happen to have middle school siblings. In 3rd grade, my daughter will have classmates turning 10. The current downsides of this that I’ve noticed are that my daughter is always a little behind socially in the fall, and that some of her classmates are trying on tween behavior, language, and social stuff. It was rough to parent a 2nd grader through what felt like middle school social dynamics, and I’m not looking forward to more of that this year. Some of the girls are also going through puberty at a developmentally appropriate but atypical-for-grade age, which has its own complications.

Do any parents of middle school or high school girls have advice for me for successfully parenting a girl who is young for her grade cohort?

I’m being specific to girls because I feel like the impact of redshirting on boy cohorts has been discussed here to death, but I haven’t found the same kind of advice for parents of girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a rising 3rd grade girl who just turned 8, but I’m posting here because I am hoping to understand and anticipate some of the challenges of being the youngest in a grade with far older girls. Has anyone experienced this?

She is at a private k-8 and there are occasional cohorts with big age spans, but her grade’s is especially pronounced due to pandemic repeats and redshirts. In the past, these cohorts have had ugly social problems in 6th/7th grade and there are occasionally gender imbalances or small grades that reflect girls leaving the school to escape the situation. I’d love to avoid that.

Girls in her grade are on average 6 months older than her but 25% of them are 18-22 months older. The older girls all happen to have middle school siblings. In 3rd grade, my daughter will have classmates turning 10. The current downsides of this that I’ve noticed are that my daughter is always a little behind socially in the fall, and that some of her classmates are trying on tween behavior, language, and social stuff. It was rough to parent a 2nd grader through what felt like middle school social dynamics, and I’m not looking forward to more of that this year. Some of the girls are also going through puberty at a developmentally appropriate but atypical-for-grade age, which has its own complications.

Do any parents of middle school or high school girls have advice for me for successfully parenting a girl who is young for her grade cohort?

I’m being specific to girls because I feel like the impact of redshirting on boy cohorts has been discussed here to death, but I haven’t found the same kind of advice for parents of girls.

Fwiw, them having older siblings would cause this on its own. But yes, I would buckle up for a rough time socially

[Anonymous]

A quarter of the girls will be 10 by Christmas of 3rd grade? I have trouble believing that.

My kid goes to an all boys private with a huge amount of redshirting and reclassing, and the rates aren't near that high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A quarter of the girls will be 10 by Christmas of 3rd grade? I have trouble believing that.

My kid goes to an all boys private with a huge amount of redshirting and reclassing, and the rates aren't near that high.

No, a quarter of the girls will be turning 10 between Christmas and February. And yes, I agree that it is unusual. But this is a group that also absorbed a decent amount of 2019-20 kindergarten repeats from public schools (they missed 3 months of kindergarten, essentially) and a few other complicated situations.

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, them having older siblings would cause this on its own. But yes, I would buckle up for a rough time socially

Can you elaborate on the older sibling thing? I grew up with a lot of youngest siblings but it was the 80s so the most obvious issue was that their parents were tired and hands-off.

[Anonymous]

I have a young for the grade child. Because of their interests they are often with older kids. No big deal. Academically it’s been fine but I’d be concerned about kids that much older needing to be held back.

[Anonymous]

You couldn't overthink this any more if you tried. I would not be at ALL surprised if you wrote these things out on a piece of paper. An Excel spreadsheet could be involved.

You need to unclench. You need to let this unfold however they unfold, and deal with whatever comes up. You can't predict or control or prepare. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a young for the grade child. Because of their interests they are often with older kids. No big deal. Academically it’s been fine but I’d be concerned about kids that much older needing to be held back.

The academic part is a little strange. Some of them are quite advanced but there is also a ton of intensive tutoring happening after school. I don’t know if it is remedial or for enrichment. My daughter is one of 3 in the entire grade who doesn’t have a math tutor, and I do worry that will impact her in the long-term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You couldn't overthink this any more if you tried. I would not be at ALL surprised if you wrote these things out on a piece of paper. An Excel spreadsheet could be involved.

You need to unclench. You need to let this unfold however they unfold, and deal with whatever comes up. You can't predict or control or prepare. Relax.

+1. Don’t worry so much. My daughter is one of the oldest in her grade and is now in middle school. She’s also my youngest so she’s always been exposed to older siblings and all that entails. She has a lot of friends and they have a wide range of maturity. One of her youngest acting friends is also one of the oldest. Some girls about a year younger are just as mature as my daughter, if not more. Some in the group got periods at 10. Some still don’t have it in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You couldn't overthink this any more if you tried. I would not be at ALL surprised if you wrote these things out on a piece of paper. An Excel spreadsheet could be involved.

You need to unclench. You need to let this unfold however they unfold, and deal with whatever comes up. You can't predict or control or prepare. Relax.

I think I could stand to be a little better prepared than I have been- I wasn’t expecting my daughter to be lonely at recess because her classmates were huddled around talking about bras, boyfriends, etc. while she’s trying to organize a group to jump rope. I’d like to think about conversations I might need to have during the relaxed safety of summer so my daughter goes into 3rd grade feeling less off-kilter. And maybe getting a better idea of some of the downsides to consider so I can think through whether a future school switch would be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

23:18 again and I do have some advice. If your daughter ends up being friends with much older girls, they may be allowed to do things before you are comfortable. For example, trick or treating on their own. You can’t ask or request parents stay with the group if they are already independent on stuff like this. When the time comes, tell your own kid she can’t go if you aren’t okay with the lack of supervision.

We have had these situations come up with ToT, the mall, going out to lunch on their own, the pool, etc.

Now with my oldest I’m on the flip side and he’s the youngest. Friends are driving and I won’t let him be in a car with new drivers yet so he can’t go to some things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A quarter of the girls will be 10 by Christmas of 3rd grade? I have trouble believing that.

My kid goes to an all boys private with a huge amount of redshirting and reclassing, and the rates aren't near that high.

No, a quarter of the girls will be turning 10 between Christmas and February. And yes, I agree that it is unusual. But this is a group that also absorbed a decent amount of 2019-20 kindergarten repeats from public schools (they missed 3 months of kindergarten, essentially) and a few other complicated situations.

If your daughter is 8 already, then a girl who is 22 months older would be 10 by Sept 7 and a girl who is 18 months older would be 10 by January 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a young for the grade child. Because of their interests they are often with older kids. No big deal. Academically it’s been fine but I’d be concerned about kids that much older needing to be held back.

The academic part is a little strange. Some of them are quite advanced but there is also a ton of intensive tutoring happening after school. I don’t know if it is remedial or for enrichment. My daughter is one of 3 in the entire grade who doesn’t have a math tutor, and I do worry that will impact her in the long-term.

It sounds like the obvious solution is to have her repeat, or move to public. A July birthday is pretty late in most places for private schools and you already have concerns about her keeping up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23:18 again and I do have some advice. If your daughter ends up being friends with much older girls, they may be allowed to do things before you are comfortable. For example, trick or treating on their own. You can’t ask or request parents stay with the group if they are already independent on stuff like this. When the time comes, tell your own kid she can’t go if you aren’t okay with the lack of supervision.

We have had these situations come up with ToT, the mall, going out to lunch on their own, the pool, etc.

Now with my oldest I’m on the flip side and he’s the youngest. Friends are driving and I won’t let him be in a car with new drivers yet so he can’t go to some things.

Thank you, this is helpful. The pool will be a problem soon (kids under 10 have to have an adult with them) and I’m anticipating phones being the next big thing after that. Driving, though? I hadn’t done the math on that yet and that is terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a young for the grade child. Because of their interests they are often with older kids. No big deal. Academically it’s been fine but I’d be concerned about kids that much older needing to be held back.

The academic part is a little strange. Some of them are quite advanced but there is also a ton of intensive tutoring happening after school. I don’t know if it is remedial or for enrichment. My daughter is one of 3 in the entire grade who doesn’t have a math tutor, and I do worry that will impact her in the long-term.

We have always supplemented at home and have had a tutor for an older child but they are on an advanced math track. I’d worry about the slower kids hiding your back if anything.