VERY concerned about my kid's obsession with Yale & Princeton

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can empathize, OP. My son was in a similar situation a few years ago - he had the stats, but his ECs while strong were nothing exceptional. However, he was a legacy - his grandfather had attended Yale, so my kid grew up hearing stories about Old Campus and the Harvard-Yale Game. He was completely obsessed with going to Yale for years, imagined himself there and nowhere else!

He got rejected, and was absolutely CRUSHED! He ended up in a reputable state school honors program and is doing well now. However, the summer after his senior year and his freshman year were rough - he developed mild depression. It took time, some therapy and lots of support and love from our end for him to come out on the other end. He is much more mature and grounded now, has a lot more perspective. While the road for him was not easy, I believe it proved beneficial for his growth.

I agree with some of the other posters who suggested that the best you can do is make sure your kid applies to a wide range of schools. Everything else is outside your control.

Yale doesn’t consider a grandparent having attended as legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you make a deal with her that she has to have other options and then you let reality play out. It’s possible she’ll get in (and she’ll always remember it, if you say she won’t). If she doesn’t, she’ll adapt. You talking constantly about how great Wisconsin is isn’t going to make her double down.

+1

Have her watch Never Have I Ever.

Important to apply to a range of schools.

Beyond that it's all as it shakes out.

[Anonymous]

Nothing like real life for them to learn from these experiences. You can explain all you want, but the school-of-hard-knocks teaches best. Or maybe she'll get lucky and get in. She'll be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

My son and husband were similar. I explained over and over that you can have the grades and test scores, but (unless you have a hook) after that it’s a lottery. I provided examples (school looking for a flutist for their orchestra, first baseman, etc) might be accepted. But after that it’s demographics to create a balanced class. My mantra is that you can only control certain things and you are. It in the drivers seat for the other factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her apply, but make sure she applies to some target and safety schools too. It’s probably 1/100 chance, but who knows?

+1. She'll get in or she won't. Solid life lesson either way. This advice applies if you're actually willing to pay for it if she gets in.

[Anonymous]

2000 yrs ago the Stoics said all we can control is our own attitudes, & not to get emotional about things we can’t control.

[Anonymous]

My son had a very strong legacy hook to Yale thru me, plus great grades and National merit and great SAT plus exceptional extra curriculars. Not even waitlisted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can empathize, OP. My son was in a similar situation a few years ago - he had the stats, but his ECs while strong were nothing exceptional. However, he was a legacy - his grandfather had attended Yale, so my kid grew up hearing stories about Old Campus and the Harvard-Yale Game. He was completely obsessed with going to Yale for years, imagined himself there and nowhere else!

He got rejected, and was absolutely CRUSHED! He ended up in a reputable state school honors program and is doing well now. However, the summer after his senior year and his freshman year were rough - he developed mild depression. It took time, some therapy and lots of support and love from our end for him to come out on the other end. He is much more mature and grounded now, has a lot more perspective. While the road for him was not easy, I believe it proved beneficial for his growth.

I agree with some of the other posters who suggested that the best you can do is make sure your kid applies to a wide range of schools. Everything else is outside your control.

Yale doesn’t consider a grandparent having attended as legacy.

You are wrong. When DC applied he indicated that grandparents (and aunt and uncle) all attended Yale. Parents and grandparents are both considered legacies - a grandparent legacy is less of a hook but it is still considered a legacy at Yale. The supplement still asks for all relatives who have attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can empathize, OP. My son was in a similar situation a few years ago - he had the stats, but his ECs while strong were nothing exceptional. However, he was a legacy - his grandfather had attended Yale, so my kid grew up hearing stories about Old Campus and the Harvard-Yale Game. He was completely obsessed with going to Yale for years, imagined himself there and nowhere else!

He got rejected, and was absolutely CRUSHED! He ended up in a reputable state school honors program and is doing well now. However, the summer after his senior year and his freshman year were rough - he developed mild depression. It took time, some therapy and lots of support and love from our end for him to come out on the other end. He is much more mature and grounded now, has a lot more perspective. While the road for him was not easy, I believe it proved beneficial for his growth.

I agree with some of the other posters who suggested that the best you can do is make sure your kid applies to a wide range of schools. Everything else is outside your control.

Yale doesn’t consider a grandparent having attended as legacy.

You are wrong. When DC applied he indicated that grandparents (and aunt and uncle) all attended Yale. Parents and grandparents are both considered legacies - a grandparent legacy is less of a hook but it is still considered a legacy at Yale. The supplement still asks for all relatives who have attended.

They ask for all relatives because they want to make sure they don't miss someone important. The attendance of most relatives, including parents, will be moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had a very strong legacy hook to Yale thru me, plus great grades and National merit and great SAT plus exceptional extra curriculars. Not even waitlisted.

What were your kids' specific stats? When did he apply?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can empathize, OP. My son was in a similar situation a few years ago - he had the stats, but his ECs while strong were nothing exceptional. However, he was a legacy - his grandfather had attended Yale, so my kid grew up hearing stories about Old Campus and the Harvard-Yale Game. He was completely obsessed with going to Yale for years, imagined himself there and nowhere else!

He got rejected, and was absolutely CRUSHED! He ended up in a reputable state school honors program and is doing well now. However, the summer after his senior year and his freshman year were rough - he developed mild depression. It took time, some therapy and lots of support and love from our end for him to come out on the other end. He is much more mature and grounded now, has a lot more perspective. While the road for him was not easy, I believe it proved beneficial for his growth.

I agree with some of the other posters who suggested that the best you can do is make sure your kid applies to a wide range of schools. Everything else is outside your control.

Yale doesn’t consider a grandparent having attended as legacy.

You are wrong. When DC applied he indicated that grandparents (and aunt and uncle) all attended Yale. Parents and grandparents are both considered legacies - a grandparent legacy is less of a hook but it is still considered a legacy at Yale. The supplement still asks for all relatives who have attended.

They ask for all relatives because they want to make sure they don't miss someone important. The attendance of most relatives, including parents, will be moot.

The application asks if relatives other than parents attended Yale. Obviously, some consideration is given to that information, otherwise the application would ask about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you make a deal with her that she has to have other options and then you let reality play out. It’s possible she’ll get in (and she’ll always remember it, if you say she won’t). If she doesn’t, she’ll adapt. You talking constantly about how great Wisconsin is isn’t going to make her double down.

+1

Have her watch Never Have I Ever.

Important to apply to a range of schools.

Beyond that it's all as it shakes out.

Entertaining show. But they had booths of kids who got into Columbia, Duke, and Princeton. Doesn't just happen randomly. At least they showed some of the work ethic required to get in which was a pleasant change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can empathize, OP. My son was in a similar situation a few years ago - he had the stats, but his ECs while strong were nothing exceptional. However, he was a legacy - his grandfather had attended Yale, so my kid grew up hearing stories about Old Campus and the Harvard-Yale Game. He was completely obsessed with going to Yale for years, imagined himself there and nowhere else!

He got rejected, and was absolutely CRUSHED! He ended up in a reputable state school honors program and is doing well now. However, the summer after his senior year and his freshman year were rough - he developed mild depression. It took time, some therapy and lots of support and love from our end for him to come out on the other end. He is much more mature and grounded now, has a lot more perspective. While the road for him was not easy, I believe it proved beneficial for his growth.

I agree with some of the other posters who suggested that the best you can do is make sure your kid applies to a wide range of schools. Everything else is outside your control.

Yale doesn’t consider a grandparent having attended as legacy.

You are wrong. When DC applied he indicated that grandparents (and aunt and uncle) all attended Yale. Parents and grandparents are both considered legacies - a grandparent legacy is less of a hook but it is still considered a legacy at Yale. The supplement still asks for all relatives who have attended.

They ask for all relatives because they want to make sure they don't miss someone important. The attendance of most relatives, including parents, will be moot.

.
could be if your child evidences "white privilege'. We even had a grandparent who was faculty. top GPA top scores/ top ECs./valedictorian - grandkid still got "soft deferral" and then waitlist. It was what we expected from Princeton and Yale - even with Aunts and Uncles giving money (small amounts). We couldn't possibly give the 7 figures that makes the Harvard admissions office sit up and take notice, not even for me, a legacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can empathize, OP. My son was in a similar situation a few years ago - he had the stats, but his ECs while strong were nothing exceptional. However, he was a legacy - his grandfather had attended Yale, so my kid grew up hearing stories about Old Campus and the Harvard-Yale Game. He was completely obsessed with going to Yale for years, imagined himself there and nowhere else!

He got rejected, and was absolutely CRUSHED! He ended up in a reputable state school honors program and is doing well now. However, the summer after his senior year and his freshman year were rough - he developed mild depression. It took time, some therapy and lots of support and love from our end for him to come out on the other end. He is much more mature and grounded now, has a lot more perspective. While the road for him was not easy, I believe it proved beneficial for his growth.

I agree with some of the other posters who suggested that the best you can do is make sure your kid applies to a wide range of schools. Everything else is outside your control.

Yale doesn’t consider a grandparent having attended as legacy.

You are wrong. When DC applied he indicated that grandparents (and aunt and uncle) all attended Yale. Parents and grandparents are both considered legacies - a grandparent legacy is less of a hook but it is still considered a legacy at Yale. The supplement still asks for all relatives who have attended.

They ask for all relatives because they want to make sure they don't miss someone important. The attendance of most relatives, including parents, will be moot.

The application asks if relatives other than parents attended Yale. Obviously, some consideration is given to that information, otherwise the application would ask about it.

not "obviously".... they don't use all of the information gathered to decide on admissions. The data could just be gathering of information or stats. In my company, HR asks new grad applicants if they have any relatives that work here- and the relation (parent, siblings, in-laws, etc). We don't hire (or not hire) because of it, but at the end of the day we run reports to monitor this to see if the numbers are going up or down, or in which teams they are higher or lower. The Hiring committees don't even see this info.

[Anonymous]

The bad news is Y & P are nearly impossible to get into.

The good news is, you don’t need them to succeed in life. Plenty of other great schools.