VERY concerned about my kid's obsession with Yale & Princeton

[Anonymous]

She can apply, and she will either get in or not, but the only thing YOU can do is ensure she applies to other schools where she WILL get in. Make sure to visit a lot of schools, just seeing lots of different options usually will start kids thinking about different possibilities.

[Anonymous]

Not happening absent s meaningful hook paired with coming from some state in the midwest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does her school use scoir or naviance? She needs to recognize there are kids with her stats or higher that were not admitted. How did last year’s class fare with admissions? She should have concrete examples of how kids similar to her are doing in this environment.

That's what I was going to say. My kids' public school got three kids into Princeton this year. Before this, it had been YEARS since even one kid got in. The kids aren't markedly different ... the fortunes smiled on our school this year. Good luck to her!

+1 more--nothing like a highly relevant reality check, which Naviance is great for. The website below also has tons of data that might help.

https://lesshighschoolstress.com/

It would be helpful for her to identify what it is specifically that she likes about those two schools (other than rankings), and then seek out other, less selective colleges that have the same qualities.

[Anonymous]

Senior year can be rough, but the world will not end.

I agree with the others to stress the game plan for ED2, RD, and any public EAs you can come up with that might fit the bill. And find out what she likes about Y and P.

I too have a kid applying ED to a T10 with great academic stats but lackluster ECs. He might have a great essay - I guess we'll see - but he is not so in love that he won't get over the rejection. He has the opposite problem, difficulty having enough specific love to choose an ED2. I do think it matters for chances in the T25-50 range; RD is going to be rough.

Buckle up for the ride. Know that it will be ok. Disappointment is part of life. Keep telling her all the things you know to be true (any number of schools would provide a great experience and she'll do fine at any of them) - even if it seems like she can't hear you now, she may remember later.

Where we are struggling is # of schools on the list. He is so picky. Four reaches, two targets (one of which tends to yield protect) and two safeties. I feel like the list should be expanded a bit based on my older kids' experiences the last few yrs in all three categories. If he is left with only the safeties and targets, I feel he may wish he had applied to more. We may play a game of "would you rather..." comparing other schools with the targets and safeties to see if there are any more he might add.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a rising senior. She is an excellent student, she has the academic stats for an elite school but her ECs are only solid - nothing at national or international level. She has no hooks.

Ever since going on college visits, and visiting the Yale and Princeton campuses, she says she has fallen in love with both schools and can't imagine going anywhere else. This obsession has been going on for a few months! I have no issue letting her apply, but I think she has about zero chance of getting into either given acceptance rates, her level of ECs and not having a hook.

My concern is that she is over focusing on Yale & Princeton while paying lip service to the other great schools on her list when chances are she is very likely going to end up at one of those other schools. She is going through the motions but she is not engaged, she doesn't own it and I think she will be in for a very rude awakening.

Have any of you faced anything similar with your kid? How did you get them to snap out of it and be more realistic? I have tried talking to her about the realities of elite college admissions today, about the fact that you don't need to go to Y or P to get a good education and be successful, but nothing seems to reach her. She just thinks that I tell her these things because I don't believe in her.

don't worry, she is not going to get in, you're off the hook ... she will wake up as all the others dreaming of it and not understanding what it means

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time she mentions Yale or Princeton mention something great about one of her match schools. I wouldn't engage in conversation about Y or P at all. Just let her dream.

DO NOT DO THIS. Do not nag your kid to accept the likelihood that she won't get into an Ivy League school. Do not keep pointing out hard truths to someone who is not ready to face them. That is not "letting her dream."

It's fine to mention things once -- "I know you'd do great at Yale, but not everyone who would do great there gets in, so think about where you'd like less than Yale but more than spending a year at home" -- but then drop it.

[Anonymous]

My DC is heading to Yale in the Fall and I recommend going through their Admissions Podcasts. If I recall, there was one on ECs. I found some of the info helpful, in particular how to handle the Why Yale essay. Luckily for myself, my DC didn't have a "dream college" but decided to apply Early to Yale after college visits and fortunately got in. Good luck to your daughter!

[Anonymous]

I would go visit a other school with a gothic like campus. If your kid fell in love with those schools after visits, maybe its the college aesthetic of them thats appealing.
University of Vermont, Vanderbilt, Indiana/bloomington?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time she mentions Yale or Princeton mention something great about one of her match schools. I wouldn't engage in conversation about Y or P at all. Just let her dream.

Terrible advice. I am at a loss of words to describe everything wrong in the above quoted post.

[Anonymous]

Definitely focus on other schools. Tell her she now has her dream schools, but she has to find likelies and matches that she will feel good about if the dream falls through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you can make sure she has backup options and has a fairly balanced list of schools, I don’t see a problem with letting her learn through the results themselves. In today’s climate, if her goal is more broadly to her into a top school, have her apply widely. Throw in a few more ivies, Duke, and Stanford as reaches. Then help her find some more accessible schools that she’d also be happy with.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time she mentions Yale or Princeton mention something great about one of her match schools. I wouldn't engage in conversation about Y or P at all. Just let her dream.

Terrible advice. I am at a loss of words to describe everything wrong in the above quoted post.

+1 clearly not suggested by an actual parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you can make sure she has backup options and has a fairly balanced list of schools, I don’t see a problem with letting her learn through the results themselves. In today’s climate, if her goal is more broadly to her into a top school, have her apply widely. Throw in a few more ivies, Duke, and Stanford as reaches. Then help her find some more accessible schools that she’d also be happy with.

The bolded is unlikely to help in this situation, in my view. Teenagers, like most of us, can only take so much rejection before it becomes a mental health issue. (I do, nonetheless, understand that your advice is based on good intentions.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as you can make sure she has backup options and has a fairly balanced list of schools, I don’t see a problem with letting her learn through the results themselves. In today’s climate, if her goal is more broadly to her into a top school, have her apply widely. Throw in a few more ivies, Duke, and Stanford as reaches. Then help her find some more accessible schools that she’d also be happy with.

The bolded is unlikely to help in this situation, in my view. Teenagers, like most of us, can only take so much rejection before it becomes a mental health issue. (I do, nonetheless, understand that your advice is based on good intentions.)

Perhaps well-intentioned, but the bolded advice is terrible. "throwing in" half-assed apps to lottery schools inevitably just generates more rejections.

[Anonymous]

Bryn Mawr has a gorgeous campus, fantastic academics and, as a women’s college, is considerably easier to get into. Maybe visit and see if it clicks with her.