VERY concerned about my kid's obsession with Yale & Princeton

[Anonymous]

OP: Ask your daughter why she is so attracted to these two schools. Ask your daughter to make a list of these specific qualities, then ask her to build a list of schools with similar qualities.

Bluntly speaking, your daughter's obsession with these two schools is most likely a maturity issue.

Disappointment is a part of life and a necessary part of growth and maturation. Schools like Princeton & Yale are very accomplished in helping young adults along in the maturation process; let them do their thing.

[Anonymous]

She needs to spend this summer working on an amazing essay. Tell her she can pick one to apply to ED. At the same time, she needs to pick at least 5 public schools to apply to at the exact same time, ie UVa, Indiana, Wisconsin, Pitt, and Georgia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Ask your daughter why she is so attracted to these two schools. Ask your daughter to make a list of these specific qualities, then ask her to build a list of schools with similar qualities.

Bluntly speaking, your daughter's obsession with these two schools is most likely a maturity issue.

Disappointment is a part of life and a necessary part of growth and maturation. Schools like Princeton & Yale are very accomplished in helping young adults along in the maturation process; let them do their thing.

+1 Great to aim high but must have a diverse list and you can definitely find schools with similar qualities, as long as the only quality she really cares about is not prestige/low admit rate.

FWIW, this is why we didn't visit reach schools early in the process. Visits should focus on safeties and matches.

[Anonymous]

Take her to Yale in February.
Then visit wake in March

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won’t be able to talk her out of her intense focus on those two schools. And she may not want to go look at anything else. (my kid was the same way). So let her be in love with a schools but make her go take a look at some other ones that share some of the qualities that she is so drawn to. Sounds like she needs to see smart happy kids on another campus with gorgeous architecture to offer a similar “ I could see myself here” experience. Vassar?

Mount Holyoke? The campus is nice and it is near other schools that have prestige (which seems to matter to her). Wellesley?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won’t be able to talk her out of her intense focus on those two schools. And she may not want to go look at anything else. (my kid was the same way). So let her be in love with a schools but make her go take a look at some other ones that share some of the qualities that she is so drawn to. Sounds like she needs to see smart happy kids on another campus with gorgeous architecture to offer a similar “ I could see myself here” experience. Vassar?

Mount Holyoke? The campus is nice and it is near other schools that have prestige (which seems to matter to her). Wellesley?

Seconding Wellesley. DD is going there in the fall and the accepted girls have already formed a wonderful community. If she can get in and is okay with a HWC, it may be a great fit.

[Anonymous]

I think you make a deal with her that she has to have other options and then you let reality play out. It’s possible she’ll get in (and she’ll always remember it, if you say she won’t). If she doesn’t, she’ll adapt. You talking constantly about how great Wisconsin is isn’t going to make her double down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you make a deal with her that she has to have other options and then you let reality play out. It’s possible she’ll get in (and she’ll always remember it, if you say she won’t). If she doesn’t, she’ll adapt. You talking constantly about how great Wisconsin is isn’t going to make her double down.

Sorry—meant it could backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does her school use scoir or naviance? She needs to recognize there are kids with her stats or higher that were not admitted. How did last year’s class fare with admissions? She should have concrete examples of how kids similar to her are doing in this environment.

That's what I was going to say. My kids' public school got three kids into Princeton this year. Before this, it had been YEARS since even one kid got in. The kids aren't markedly different ... the fortunes smiled on our school this year. Good luck to her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you make a deal with her that she has to have other options and then you let reality play out. It’s possible she’ll get in (and she’ll always remember it, if you say she won’t). If she doesn’t, she’ll adapt. You talking constantly about how great Wisconsin is isn’t going to make her double down.

+1. You have to let her have this dream and let reality play out.

What do you mean by "She is going through the motions but she is not engaged, she doesn't own it and I think she will be in for a very rude awakening. " How is she going through the motions for the other schools? How is she not engaged with other schools/doesn't own it?

What other schools are on her list/is she doing demonstrated interest type things with those other schools? If you push her to do more demonstrated interest with those schools, is she taking that as a you don't think she can get into Yale/Princeton?

[Anonymous]

I think it is a process and you have to let it play out. So long as she has put in applications to other places she will be fine. I expect the essays aren't going to look that different, or the content of her app - scores / GPA etc. It will work out.

[Anonymous]

Ensure she knows the odds are against her and that she has a fully populated R-M-S application list - but then let her go for her dreams.

Highly ambitious people are often disappointed. That goes with the territory. You should not shy away from lofty goals as long as you are not reckless with your life.

Drive and ambition are good things and should never be stifled.

[Anonymous]

Another Ivy troll, probably. No intelligent rising senior I know is obsessed with Ivies there days - they all know it's a lottery and prepare accordingly.

There's the Ivy League Troll, who posts as either the parent or the student at an Ivy, and who expresses disappointment because grades are bad, or depression is involved, or the student has graduated and cannot find a job.

This is slightly different, but it looks to be the usual Ivy League school bashing.

[Anonymous]

She is wasting her ED1 card by applying SCEA to either Princeton or Yale: unless there is something unusual about her major interests — which you are silent about — she won’t get in. The chances are not 1/100 for almost all otherwise unremarkable high stats students with stereotypical major interests: they are 0. You are not playing a lottery ticket when the so-called lottery in your daughter’s bucket has no winner.

At least have her get an ED2 ready to roll when she inevitably gets her rejection. The rest of the Ivies, Amherst, and Williams have no ED2. But there are still some great schools.

Hope she does not leave everything for the RD round and ends up going to a lower school because of her SCEA pipe dream. Lots of high stats students make the same mistake. One very selective school — the only one — which gives roughly equal chances to its RD students is Georgetown, so at least apply there RD.

[Anonymous]

As long as you can make sure she has backup options and has a fairly balanced list of schools, I don’t see a problem with letting her learn through the results themselves. In today’s climate, if her goal is more broadly to her into a top school, have her apply widely. Throw in a few more ivies, Duke, and Stanford as reaches. Then help her find some more accessible schools that she’d also be happy with.