VERY concerned about my kid's obsession with Yale & Princeton

[Anonymous]

My kid is a rising senior. She is an excellent student, she has the academic stats for an elite school but her ECs are only solid - nothing at national or international level. She has no hooks.

Ever since going on college visits, and visiting the Yale and Princeton campuses, she says she has fallen in love with both schools and can't imagine going anywhere else. This obsession has been going on for a few months! I have no issue letting her apply, but I think she has about zero chance of getting into either given acceptance rates, her level of ECs and not having a hook.

My concern is that she is over focusing on Yale & Princeton while paying lip service to the other great schools on her list when chances are she is very likely going to end up at one of those other schools. She is going through the motions but she is not engaged, she doesn't own it and I think she will be in for a very rude awakening.

Have any of you faced anything similar with your kid? How did you get them to snap out of it and be more realistic? I have tried talking to her about the realities of elite college admissions today, about the fact that you don't need to go to Y or P to get a good education and be successful, but nothing seems to reach her. She just thinks that I tell her these things because I don't believe in her.

[Anonymous]

Show them the stats.
Take them to see match schools and have them fall in love there too.
You’re setting them up for failure.

[Anonymous]

Every time she mentions Yale or Princeton mention something great about one of her match schools. I wouldn't engage in conversation about Y or P at all. Just let her dream.

[Anonymous]

Yes, take her to places like Miami (OH) that have beautiful campuses and a realistic or better chance of admission and let them fall in love with multiple schools.

[Anonymous]

Have her apply to Elon

[Anonymous]

She can do SCEA to one of them, fully submit ideally a little early, and then focus on the rest of her list once that is off her shoulders.

[Anonymous]

it's not just the matter of college.

she is likely to have difficult life with that

[Anonymous]

We had the same with our son. Hyoer focused on Princeton. Solid stats and ECs. We told him “you earned the right to apply and once you apply it is a lottery”. He applied….waitlisted. In other words, it was a soft “no”. He got in got in to a top tier state school and is very happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a rising senior. She is an excellent student, she has the academic stats for an elite school but her ECs are only solid - nothing at national or international level. She has no hooks.

Ever since going on college visits, and visiting the Yale and Princeton campuses, she says she has fallen in love with both schools and can't imagine going anywhere else. This obsession has been going on for a few months! I have no issue letting her apply, but I think she has about zero chance of getting into either given acceptance rates, her level of ECs and not having a hook.

My concern is that she is over focusing on Yale & Princeton while paying lip service to the other great schools on her list when chances are she is very likely going to end up at one of those other schools. She is going through the motions but she is not engaged, she doesn't own it and I think she will be in for a very rude awakening.

Have any of you faced anything similar with your kid? How did you get them to snap out of it and be more realistic? I have tried talking to her about the realities of elite college admissions today, about the fact that you don't need to go to Y or P to get a good education and be successful, but nothing seems to reach her. She just thinks that I tell her these things because I don't believe in her.

OP: At this stage of life, it is not your job to crush your child's dreams--let Yale & Princeton do that.

[Anonymous]

You won’t be able to talk her out of her intense focus on those two schools. And she may not want to go look at anything else. (my kid was the same way). So let her be in love with a schools but make her go take a look at some other ones that share some of the qualities that she is so drawn to. Sounds like she needs to see smart happy kids on another campus with gorgeous architecture to offer a similar “ I could see myself here” experience. Vassar?

[Anonymous]

What I personally did to combat this nonsense, which my kid started in 8th grade, was to say we wouldn’t pay more than $60K/year. Like OP’s kid she has great stats but no hook, and she sees ALDC/FGLI students go to these schools from our school and neighborhood every year, so I figured she needed a hard constraint to stay realistic. So far so good.

[Anonymous]

Does she fully understand the odds are against her?

[Anonymous]

Have her apply, but make sure she applies to some target and safety schools too. It’s probably 1/100 chance, but who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I personally did to combat this nonsense, which my kid started in 8th grade, was to say we wouldn’t pay more than $60K/year. Like OP’s kid she has great stats but no hook, and she sees ALDC/FGLI students go to these schools from our school and neighborhood every year, so I figured she needed a hard constraint to stay realistic. So far so good.

“These students are collectively called ALDCs, shorthand for athletes, legacies, dean’s interest list, and children of faculty and staff.”

FGLI First Gen Low Income.

[Anonymous]

Does her school use scoir or naviance? She needs to recognize there are kids with her stats or higher that were not admitted. How did last year’s class fare with admissions? She should have concrete examples of how kids similar to her are doing in this environment.