Is this normal? Tween not liking parent’s hometown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Germany and my family goes every year. Different large city.

Do your kids speak German? Have friends or access to other kids their age? What are their interests? Ours like it and go happily every year. Munich is great, plenty to do.

What did he say he doesn't like?

They both speak German, but the younger one doesn’t have friends. The older one 2-3 friends she met through her sport. The younger one refuses to do anything like camp and sports classes. I offered sailing, tennis, riding. Answer is no. Relatives and children of friends don’t match up age-wise.

At home during the school year does your youngest usually say No to things or experiences. Is that his default response?

I have a kid like that and by 4th grade we realized if we listened to that she’d be doing absolutely nothing, at home, begging for an iPad.

I have a kid like that. That kid hates my home country visits, but it’s not like he would be doing anything at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thank you all for helping me out!

We are here for 2 entire months, German classes wouldn’t work, since there’s nothing to learn for them (they’re native level). I am thinking of just making him sign up for sailing camp to get out of his comfort zone a bit, and maybe make some friends.

We would love to have friends from the US over, but our place is too small. We’ve been thinking about getting a new place but with RE prices and interest rates as they are, we will have to wait until at least next year (although I found an amazing place but not sure we could swing it, definitely not comfortable).

They volunteer twice a week (with refugee kids), we take three trips over the two months (2 2-week trips and 1 trip for a few days). That’s it I guess. Hopefully next year will be easier.

Do your children have their own bedrooms at your place in Munich? I’m wondering because you mention the place is small. If they do at home but have to share in Munich, I could see why your son wouldn’t find it enjoyable for 2 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Germany and my family goes every year. Different large city.

Do your kids speak German? Have friends or access to other kids their age? What are their interests? Ours like it and go happily every year. Munich is great, plenty to do.

What did he say he doesn't like?

They both speak German, but the younger one doesn’t have friends. The older one 2-3 friends she met through her sport. The younger one refuses to do anything like camp and sports classes. I offered sailing, tennis, riding. Answer is no. Relatives and children of friends don’t match up age-wise.

At home during the school year does your youngest usually say No to things or experiences. Is that his default response?

I have a kid like that and by 4th grade we realized if we listened to that she’d be doing absolutely nothing, at home, begging for an iPad.

Yes! No is the default answer. DC would be in the bedroom, watching videos and playing video games all day.

[Anonymous]

OP. I somehow lost track of my post. Camps aren’t a good solution because they don’t have kids their age, most kids are a lot younger. Most of their friends are actually away all summer, and we did manage to meet up for a few days with one friend who’s spending the summer in a neighboring country. Next year I will rent a bigger space and we’ll invite one friend for each DC for as long as they want to stay. I think that’s the best solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he invite along a friend, at least for part of the time? The logistics would be challenging but it might really improve his outlook.

Invite a friend to Germany?? You’re off your rocker.

Why would this be strange? I'd have bitten off my own arm to be invited to stay with a friend in Europe for the summer.

OP. This is what we will do next year. Both DCs have friends who spend 2 months in Europe in the summer and they’d all be happy to visit each other. I think it’s a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Take him down to Garmisch for some hiking and rafting?

[Anonymous]

Help him find things to do that he enjoys, either at the apartment or in the city with others. Accept it as normal and keep doing what you think is important for your family as a whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You spend the entire summer there? Of course your tween isn't interested - he wants to go to camp, spend time with his friends, and enjoy his room.

This. At some point, the kids just want to be kids, in summer, in America. Not because America is superior but b/c this is where their friends, activities, etc. are. And, honestly, they should be allowed to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You spend the entire summer there? Of course your tween isn't interested - he wants to go to camp, spend time with his friends, and enjoy his room.

This. At some point, the kids just want to be kids, in summer, in America. Not because America is superior but b/c this is where their friends, activities, etc. are. And, honestly, they should be allowed to do so.

I really don’t think you’re right - most kids travel for most of the summer at their school. A combination of sleep away camp, family vacation, or just spending time at their summer home or hometown (also in Europe). So there wouldn’t be any kids to hang out with at home. We had that issue last year. I might add 2 weeks of sleep away camp but I’m sure DC wouldn’t like that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh yes, and many of us are from hometowns far less interesting than Munich Germany.

Munich is not interesting. Much more interesting places in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You spend the entire summer there? Of course your tween isn't interested - he wants to go to camp, spend time with his friends, and enjoy his room.

This. At some point, the kids just want to be kids, in summer, in America. Not because America is superior but b/c this is where their friends, activities, etc. are. And, honestly, they should be allowed to do so.

As someone with a European parent I think it is wonderful your family enjoys being in the states all summer but for those who are able and committed to spending the entire summer abroad I think it is a gift for the kids to see other parts of the world, speak another language with native speakers and have different experiences.
OP, keep going all summer if your family wants that( as in the adults think it is best) the tween will be ok, and benefit from this in the end. Adjust the experience as you see fit in coming summers with a guest or two to break up the time, travel to other parts of Europe and help them find to do they are interested in.

[Anonymous]

I would cut the summer visit in half. Stay for a month only instead of 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You spend the entire summer there? Of course your tween isn't interested - he wants to go to camp, spend time with his friends, and enjoy his room.

This. At some point, the kids just want to be kids, in summer, in America. Not because America is superior but b/c this is where their friends, activities, etc. are. And, honestly, they should be allowed to do so.

Dealing with this now, nightmare in my European home town, kids want me to produce friends for them and minute by minute entertainment, three different ages ,,,, worst vacation ever. Never mind last week we went to three major European summer beach destinations that cost an arm snd a leg,,,, really disappointed how entitled I made my kids,,,,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut the summer visit in half. Stay for a month only instead of 2.

We’re in the city for 4 weeks and traveling to major European destinations (UK, France, Italy) for the remainder. This is how it is. It’s a great trip. There wouldn’t be any friends at home either, and there won’t be next summer - as I said, most people leave town during the summer at our school.