Is this normal? Tween not liking parent’s hometown

[Anonymous]

How long are you there? you said “all summer” but what does that mean? if you are actually there 8 weeks, can you slightly compromise and perhaps one parent can stay home with younger child for the first couple of weeks of summer, and then you join spouse and older child for the remainder of the summer? If you are amenable to that, I suggest doing this on the earlier side because in my experience, everyone flees DC in August so if you come back early with the younger child, good chance their friends may not be around.

[Anonymous]

I would try to figure out a way he can bring a friend, if not for the whole summer at least for a week or two. Then maybe the other family would reciprocate and your son could spend a week or two with them. Break the summer up that way.

Also, I suggest asking him to plan some activities and events for the family. Give him a day, a week, the same day every week, whatever works, he is in charge of where you go and what you do. Places you visit, where you eat, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

OP. Thank you all for helping me out!

We are here for 2 entire months, German classes wouldn’t work, since there’s nothing to learn for them (they’re native level). I am thinking of just making him sign up for sailing camp to get out of his comfort zone a bit, and maybe make some friends.

We would love to have friends from the US over, but our place is too small. We’ve been thinking about getting a new place but with RE prices and interest rates as they are, we will have to wait until at least next year (although I found an amazing place but not sure we could swing it, definitely not comfortable).

They volunteer twice a week (with refugee kids), we take three trips over the two months (2 2-week trips and 1 trip for a few days). That’s it I guess. Hopefully next year will be easier.

[Anonymous]

Is there sailing camp before their summer break? It doesn’t start until the end of July. Bavarian kids are still in school until then.

[Anonymous]

So, he hears about all the great summer things his friends are doing back here and he is stuck in Munich! It totally sucks, team younger son.
Munich for summer vacation with no friends, how absolutely horrible.

[Anonymous]

I bet he misses his video games

It's okay if your kids aren't 100 percent happy all of the time. Fixing it for them is not good. Your job is to help them develop resilience when things aren't perfect.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds wonderful.

When you have older teens, will you be willing to compromise? If they want to spend a few extra summer weeks here and plan things with their friends? I wouldn’t want them to feel it was forced upon them every summer. They might rebel when they’re adults and look for any reason not to be able to visit you there (too much work, taking summer class, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have one teen who likes travel and new experiences, and one tween who just wants to stay home with their friends all summer. Has nothing to do with "home town".

It’s not a new experience if they go every year

[Anonymous]

They aren’t old enough to find the historical part interesting and have FOMO about what their friends are doing back home. I know a lot of kids who go to non custodial parents places over the summer or extended vacations and by middle school they dread it. They’ve already been there so it’s not new and they miss their own bed/friends/activities.

[Anonymous]

I had to visit my parents’ home country all summer most summers as a child. I hated it. I wanted to be home with my friends and own activities. I am glad my parents realized that they shouldn’t keep doing this by the time I was in high school.

[Anonymous]

When my child was a tween, she hated to travel. Loved it when she was in elementary school. She's starting to come out of it now and our last two trips were actually pleasant.

[Anonymous]

OP I was similar, we spent the whole summer visiting my parents' home country every other year. When I was younger I loved it - lots of cousins, just being with my family was great etc.

Then as I got older it just felt boring. And my family there got more scattered so the vibe changed. Granted my parents were not trying at all to make it appealing with fun day trips, internal travel, etc. I think for a lot of teens it's more fun to be with friends or camps that match their interests, as PP is saying. They don't appreciate "oooh living in another country" the way an adult would (I would love to go to Munich for the summer now!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was similar, we spent the whole summer visiting my parents' home country every other year. When I was younger I loved it - lots of cousins, just being with my family was great etc.

Then as I got older it just felt boring. And my family there got more scattered so the vibe changed. Granted my parents were not trying at all to make it appealing with fun day trips, internal travel, etc. I think for a lot of teens it's more fun to be with friends or camps that match their interests, as PP is saying. They don't appreciate "oooh living in another country" the way an adult would (I would love to go to Munich for the summer now!)

Oh and wanted to add that as I got older, my cousins were busier with school (they didn't have vacation at the same time) and their own friends etc. So frankly it was mutual - less excitement on both ends about seeing each other. Not like being 7 and running around together in a big throng exploring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to visit my parents’ home country all summer most summers as a child. I hated it. I wanted to be home with my friends and own activities. I am glad my parents realized that they shouldn’t keep doing this by the time I was in high school.

Forgot to mention that I don’t go at all as an adult. Those summers really made me dislike visiting the country.

[Anonymous]

Normal