Finances with big mortgage

[Anonymous]

OP's type of thinking is completely foreign to me. As in, I literally cannot comprehend someone making these kinds of terrible decisions. A 7 bedroom house you can't afford to furnish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

And when did you buy and at what rate? A 3500 mortgage lands you in Manassas these days.

WTF? That’s about a $1M house! You don’t need to go anywhere near Manassas to buy at that price point. Literally half all house sales in FFX County are below $1M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I agree we need to cut down the two shopping expenditures. I’m not the only one with a credit card so it’s not as simple.

The reason I have 1k for furniture is that our house is slowly being furnished. We didn’t move in with much so we are now buying outdoor furniture (porch, patio, deck) and indoor furniture. There’s seven bedrooms, an office, basement theater, etc that look bare without being somewhat furnished. We’re trying to find good deals rather than splurge all at once. We also inherited a large outdoor jacuzzi that needs to be maintained.

The grandparents rather pay for help and pitch in here and there rather than quit their jobs and become full time babysitters. They also refuse to retire.

Why in gods name would your parents (or in laws) have to quit their jobs and become your full time babysitters? Also why are they in charge of helping pay for anything? I am so confused - you live in a $1.9 million dollar house and make $400K.

I live in a $900,000 house and our HHI is $650K. If you can't afford childcare you cannot afford a $1.9 million dollar house.

Family helps family. Most Americans don’t understand that concept, unfortunately. Extremely common for grandparents to live with their kids & grandkids in my culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I agree we need to cut down the two shopping expenditures. I’m not the only one with a credit card so it’s not as simple.

The reason I have 1k for furniture is that our house is slowly being furnished. We didn’t move in with much so we are now buying outdoor furniture (porch, patio, deck) and indoor furniture. There’s seven bedrooms, an office, basement theater, etc that look bare without being somewhat furnished. We’re trying to find good deals rather than splurge all at once. We also inherited a large outdoor jacuzzi that needs to be maintained.

The grandparents rather pay for help and pitch in here and there rather than quit their jobs and become full time babysitters. They also refuse to retire.

Why in gods name would your parents (or in laws) have to quit their jobs and become your full time babysitters? Also why are they in charge of helping pay for anything? I am so confused - you live in a $1.9 million dollar house and make $400K.

I live in a $900,000 house and our HHI is $650K. If you can't afford childcare you cannot afford a $1.9 million dollar house.

Family helps family. Most Americans don’t understand that concept, unfortunately. Extremely common for grandparents to live with their kids & grandkids in my culture.

PP here - I understand that family helps family but not in a "they have to quit their jobs to become full time babysitters". My parents help watch our kids when we go out of town and we help watch our nieces. But we are not demanding it from them on a daily basis. We pay a babysitter and daycare for our kids when we work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's type of thinking is completely foreign to me. As in, I literally cannot comprehend someone making these kinds of terrible decisions. A 7 bedroom house you can't afford to furnish?

OP may turn out a lot better off financial ten years down the road than many of you who think s/he is stupid. Houses in highly desired DMV area are one of the best investments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

And when did you buy and at what rate? A 3500 mortgage lands you in Manassas these days.

You need $500k+ down to buy inside the beltway in 2023 and have an acceptable mortgage payment to DCUM. Sorry, I didn't make the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's type of thinking is completely foreign to me. As in, I literally cannot comprehend someone making these kinds of terrible decisions. A 7 bedroom house you can't afford to furnish?

OP may turn out a lot better off financial ten years down the road than many of you who think s/he is stupid. Houses in highly desired DMV area are one of the best investments.

She spends $12,000/year on furniture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

And when did you buy and at what rate? A 3500 mortgage lands you in Manassas these days.

WTF? That’s about a $1M house! You don’t need to go anywhere near Manassas to buy at that price point. Literally half all house sales in FFX County are below $1M.

Its more like a $560k house w/20% down. For $3600/mo you have the luxury of this Vienna beauty- https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2665-Manhattan-Pl-2-306-Vienna-VA-22180/65726674_zpid/

[Anonymous]

OP here -

At dcum it seems as though the majority of folks have a thought process that grandparents money, kids money, and grandkids money are distinct and separate and not to be intermingled as it’s shameful to do so.

It’s not that way in my family. I’ll gladly give my kids a few hundred grand when I’m older if that accelerates their success - to buy their starter house and build equity, start up their first brokerage account, or eliminate the need for them from taking out student loans. This assumes they’re overall successful and won’t waste the money.

Similarly, theres a general understanding in my family that the money will get passed down to me anyway when the parents pass away. Leveraging some of it now to enable my success in life is just a more efficient way to operate and puts me and my kids in a better situation. Again, if I was a bum then I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case.

In return, my parents are free to move in with me anytime or choose to live independently. Everyone lives in McLean anyway so it’s easy enough to drive 5 minutes. My goal is really to find some areas to cut back/ be more efficient in managing my money until I get to the point where I don’t feel house poor because I overspent on my house. I blame the crazy market and where everyone else I know chose to buy more so than myself. Despite this, yes, there is some shame felt.

The optimal situation would be that I make so much money I can do whatever I want and don’t need a dime of help but that is not the case. I overspent on the house to optimize my distance to family, work, childcare, while being in the best school district. While rates were good last year, in this location, there was no such thing as a normal sized or priced house, it was 6k sq foot or a tear down.

On the furniture, yes it’s Wayfair/Facebook/Costco for now and limited to key areas of the house. You can find some great deals there. There’s no need to spend 15k on a couch. There will also be plenty of empty rooms for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

For real. This is why we’ve never taken out a big mortgage. We’ve used our big income to drive out mortgage down. We could take career risks due to easily being able to live and save on one income when needed.

It’s a really nice feeling sitting here at age 45 getting a bit sick of working. I’m not trapped in a guilded cage. As a matter of fact my employer is trying to force be back into the office 3xs a week and I’m dug in refusing more than 1 day. I’m thinking they are welcome to fire me. We are in a Mexican stand off and I’m not backing down. Could never do this if I needed this job to pay my bills.

+1

Goal should always be to try and live off of one income, or mostly off one income. That way if an issue arises you have choices---what if a kid requires a SAHP for medical issues, a parent needs more help, etc. If you are mortgaged to the hilt and require both salaries to stay above water, you don't have choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

At dcum it seems as though the majority of folks have a thought process that grandparents money, kids money, and grandkids money are distinct and separate and not to be intermingled as it’s shameful to do so.

It’s not that way in my family. I’ll gladly give my kids a few hundred grand when I’m older if that accelerates their success - to buy their starter house and build equity, start up their first brokerage account, or eliminate the need for them from taking out student loans. This assumes they’re overall successful and won’t waste the money.

Similarly, theres a general understanding in my family that the money will get passed down to me anyway when the parents pass away. Leveraging some of it now to enable my success in life is just a more efficient way to operate and puts me and my kids in a better situation. Again, if I was a bum then I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case.

In return, my parents are free to move in with me anytime or choose to live independently. Everyone lives in McLean anyway so it’s easy enough to drive 5 minutes. My goal is really to find some areas to cut back/ be more efficient in managing my money until I get to the point where I don’t feel house poor because I overspent on my house. I blame the crazy market and where everyone else I know chose to buy more so than myself. Despite this, yes, there is some shame felt.

The optimal situation would be that I make so much money I can do whatever I want and don’t need a dime of help but that is not the case. I overspent on the house to optimize my distance to family, work, childcare, while being in the best school district. While rates were good last year, in this location, there was no such thing as a normal sized or priced house, it was 6k sq foot or a tear down.

On the furniture, yes it’s Wayfair/Facebook/Costco for now and limited to key areas of the house. You can find some great deals there. There’s no need to spend 15k on a couch. There will also be plenty of empty rooms for now.

You are not being realistic with money given kids and day care and other expenses. You bought a house that was too big and expensive and are now complaining about it. Get a second job to fund your lavish lifestyle.

There are cheaper houses just not ones you want in a location you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

And when did you buy and at what rate? A 3500 mortgage lands you in Manassas these days.

WTF? That’s about a $1M house! You don’t need to go anywhere near Manassas to buy at that price point. Literally half all house sales in FFX County are below $1M.

It’s more like a $560k house w/20% down. For $3600/mo you have the luxury of this Vienna beauty- https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2665-Manhattan-Pl-2-306-Vienna-VA-22180/65726674_zpid/

There is more to Fairfax County than Vienna & McLean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

For real. This is why we’ve never taken out a big mortgage. We’ve used our big income to drive out mortgage down. We could take career risks due to easily being able to live and save on one income when needed.

It’s a really nice feeling sitting here at age 45 getting a bit sick of working. I’m not trapped in a guilded cage. As a matter of fact my employer is trying to force be back into the office 3xs a week and I’m dug in refusing more than 1 day. I’m thinking they are welcome to fire me. We are in a Mexican stand off and I’m not backing down. Could never do this if I needed this job to pay my bills.

+1

Goal should always be to try and live off of one income, or mostly off one income. That way if an issue arises you have choices---what if a kid requires a SAHP for medical issues, a parent needs more help, etc. If you are mortgaged to the hilt and require both salaries to stay above water, you don't have choices.

+2, we remained in our tiny s$it shack that should have been a tear down and instead paid off the mortgage last year to be mortgage free. I'd love a bigger, nicer house but the freedom of not having to worry about housing is freeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

And when did you buy and at what rate? A 3500 mortgage lands you in Manassas these days.

WTF? That’s about a $1M house! You don’t need to go anywhere near Manassas to buy at that price point. Literally half all house sales in FFX County are below $1M.

Its more like a $560k house w/20% down. For $3600/mo you have the luxury of this Vienna beauty- https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2665-Manhattan-Pl-2-306-Vienna-VA-22180/65726674_zpid/

$700k in Chantilly:

https://www.homes.com/property/13633-bellerose-dr-chantilly-va/q8q39k8wml5bl/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

At dcum it seems as though the majority of folks have a thought process that grandparents money, kids money, and grandkids money are distinct and separate and not to be intermingled as it’s shameful to do so.

It’s not that way in my family. I’ll gladly give my kids a few hundred grand when I’m older if that accelerates their success - to buy their starter house and build equity, start up their first brokerage account, or eliminate the need for them from taking out student loans. This assumes they’re overall successful and won’t waste the money.

Similarly, theres a general understanding in my family that the money will get passed down to me anyway when the parents pass away. Leveraging some of it now to enable my success in life is just a more efficient way to operate and puts me and my kids in a better situation. Again, if I was a bum then I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case.

In return, my parents are free to move in with me anytime or choose to live independently. Everyone lives in McLean anyway so it’s easy enough to drive 5 minutes. My goal is really to find some areas to cut back/ be more efficient in managing my money until I get to the point where I don’t feel house poor because I overspent on my house. I blame the crazy market and where everyone else I know chose to buy more so than myself. Despite this, yes, there is some shame felt.

The optimal situation would be that I make so much money I can do whatever I want and don’t need a dime of help but that is not the case. I overspent on the house to optimize my distance to family, work, childcare, while being in the best school district. While rates were good last year, in this location, there was no such thing as a normal sized or priced house, it was 6k sq foot or a tear down.

On the furniture, yes it’s Wayfair/Facebook/Costco for now and limited to key areas of the house. You can find some great deals there. There’s no need to spend 15k on a couch. There will also be plenty of empty rooms for now.

OP you tried to punch wayy above your weight and also had your parents help out big time with the downpayment I bet. What did they contribute? 300k I’m guessing. Now you probably post pics on Instagram flaunting your new house and lifestyle like it’s you that earned it and deserve it. You also put all your savings into what little downpayment you had to pay (if any at all?) and here you are trying to furnish this behemoth with what little money you have left.

You don’t deserve that house. I think if I met you in real life I would not think very highly of you. Your neighbors probably feel the same way.

We make similar to you, maybe a little more, and worked and saved to enjoy a house we deserve to live in with no strings attached. I don’t envy your position OP. Good luck and hopefully this situation leads to some self reflection and reexamination.