Finances with big mortgage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

At dcum it seems as though the majority of folks have a thought process that grandparents money, kids money, and grandkids money are distinct and separate and not to be intermingled as it’s shameful to do so.

It’s not that way in my family. I’ll gladly give my kids a few hundred grand when I’m older if that accelerates their success - to buy their starter house and build equity, start up their first brokerage account, or eliminate the need for them from taking out student loans. This assumes they’re overall successful and won’t waste the money.

Similarly, theres a general understanding in my family that the money will get passed down to me anyway when the parents pass away. Leveraging some of it now to enable my success in life is just a more efficient way to operate and puts me and my kids in a better situation. Again, if I was a bum then I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case.

In return, my parents are free to move in with me anytime or choose to live independently. Everyone lives in McLean anyway so it’s easy enough to drive 5 minutes. My goal is really to find some areas to cut back/ be more efficient in managing my money until I get to the point where I don’t feel house poor because I overspent on my house. I blame the crazy market and where everyone else I know chose to buy more so than myself. Despite this, yes, there is some shame felt.

The optimal situation would be that I make so much money I can do whatever I want and don’t need a dime of help but that is not the case. I overspent on the house to optimize my distance to family, work, childcare, while being in the best school district. While rates were good last year, in this location, there was no such thing as a normal sized or priced house, it was 6k sq foot or a tear down.

On the furniture, yes it’s Wayfair/Facebook/Costco for now and limited to key areas of the house. You can find some great deals there. There’s no need to spend 15k on a couch. There will also be plenty of empty rooms for now.

Do you not think you're wasting your parents' money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I agree we need to cut down the two shopping expenditures. I’m not the only one with a credit card so it’s not as simple.

The reason I have 1k for furniture is that our house is slowly being furnished. We didn’t move in with much so we are now buying outdoor furniture (porch, patio, deck) and indoor furniture. There’s seven bedrooms, an office, basement theater, etc that look bare without being somewhat furnished. We’re trying to find good deals rather than splurge all at once. We also inherited a large outdoor jacuzzi that needs to be maintained.

The grandparents rather pay for help and pitch in here and there rather than quit their jobs and become full time babysitters. They also refuse to retire.

You seem to think they owe you one or the other.

You might not understand this, but many grandparents actually like their grandchildren, and are willing, able & excited to provide significant childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

For real. This is why we’ve never taken out a big mortgage. We’ve used our big income to drive out mortgage down. We could take career risks due to easily being able to live and save on one income when needed.

It’s a really nice feeling sitting here at age 45 getting a bit sick of working. I’m not trapped in a guilded cage. As a matter of fact my employer is trying to force be back into the office 3xs a week and I’m dug in refusing more than 1 day. I’m thinking they are welcome to fire me. We are in a Mexican stand off and I’m not backing down. Could never do this if I needed this job to pay my bills.

+1

Goal should always be to try and live off of one income, or mostly off one income. That way if an issue arises you have choices---what if a kid requires a SAHP for medical issues, a parent needs more help, etc. If you are mortgaged to the hilt and require both salaries to stay above water, you don't have choices.

+2, we remained in our tiny s$it shack that should have been a tear down and instead paid off the mortgage last year to be mortgage free. I'd love a bigger, nicer house but the freedom of not having to worry about housing is freeing.

Some of us feel we deserve better than to live in a disgusting home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

At dcum it seems as though the majority of folks have a thought process that grandparents money, kids money, and grandkids money are distinct and separate and not to be intermingled as it’s shameful to do so.

It’s not that way in my family. I’ll gladly give my kids a few hundred grand when I’m older if that accelerates their success - to buy their starter house and build equity, start up their first brokerage account, or eliminate the need for them from taking out student loans. This assumes they’re overall successful and won’t waste the money.

Similarly, theres a general understanding in my family that the money will get passed down to me anyway when the parents pass away. Leveraging some of it now to enable my success in life is just a more efficient way to operate and puts me and my kids in a better situation. Again, if I was a bum then I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case.

In return, my parents are free to move in with me anytime or choose to live independently. Everyone lives in McLean anyway so it’s easy enough to drive 5 minutes. My goal is really to find some areas to cut back/ be more efficient in managing my money until I get to the point where I don’t feel house poor because I overspent on my house. I blame the crazy market and where everyone else I know chose to buy more so than myself. Despite this, yes, there is some shame felt.

The optimal situation would be that I make so much money I can do whatever I want and don’t need a dime of help but that is not the case. I overspent on the house to optimize my distance to family, work, childcare, while being in the best school district. While rates were good last year, in this location, there was no such thing as a normal sized or priced house, it was 6k sq foot or a tear down.

On the furniture, yes it’s Wayfair/Facebook/Costco for now and limited to key areas of the house. You can find some great deals there. There’s no need to spend 15k on a couch. There will also be plenty of empty rooms for now.

What does this even mean? Why did you let other peoples house buying decisions even factor into what you were buying? We have 3 kids, do not live in McLean and bought our house for $700,000 9 years ago when we were making $200,000 a year. We are now making $650,000 a year and are still in the same house. Yes we could buy a bigger house but why become house poor? We spend what we want, save for retirement and college, and take nice vacations. Our HHI will most likely also go up in the next 5 years but we still have no plans on selling. Plus we love our neighborhood and our friends here.

So OP should… go back in time? Moron

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

For real. This is why we’ve never taken out a big mortgage. We’ve used our big income to drive out mortgage down. We could take career risks due to easily being able to live and save on one income when needed.

It’s a really nice feeling sitting here at age 45 getting a bit sick of working. I’m not trapped in a guilded cage. As a matter of fact my employer is trying to force be back into the office 3xs a week and I’m dug in refusing more than 1 day. I’m thinking they are welcome to fire me. We are in a Mexican stand off and I’m not backing down. Could never do this if I needed this job to pay my bills.

+1

Goal should always be to try and live off of one income, or mostly off one income. That way if an issue arises you have choices---what if a kid requires a SAHP for medical issues, a parent needs more help, etc. If you are mortgaged to the hilt and require both salaries to stay above water, you don't have choices.

+2, we remained in our tiny s$it shack that should have been a tear down and instead paid off the mortgage last year to be mortgage free. I'd love a bigger, nicer house but the freedom of not having to worry about housing is freeing.

Some of us feel we deserve better than to live in a disgusting home.

A small house =/ “disgusting”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

At dcum it seems as though the majority of folks have a thought process that grandparents money, kids money, and grandkids money are distinct and separate and not to be intermingled as it’s shameful to do so.

It’s not that way in my family. I’ll gladly give my kids a few hundred grand when I’m older if that accelerates their success - to buy their starter house and build equity, start up their first brokerage account, or eliminate the need for them from taking out student loans. This assumes they’re overall successful and won’t waste the money.

Similarly, theres a general understanding in my family that the money will get passed down to me anyway when the parents pass away. Leveraging some of it now to enable my success in life is just a more efficient way to operate and puts me and my kids in a better situation. Again, if I was a bum then I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case.

In return, my parents are free to move in with me anytime or choose to live independently. Everyone lives in McLean anyway so it’s easy enough to drive 5 minutes. My goal is really to find some areas to cut back/ be more efficient in managing my money until I get to the point where I don’t feel house poor because I overspent on my house. I blame the crazy market and where everyone else I know chose to buy more so than myself. Despite this, yes, there is some shame felt.

The optimal situation would be that I make so much money I can do whatever I want and don’t need a dime of help but that is not the case. I overspent on the house to optimize my distance to family, work, childcare, while being in the best school district. While rates were good last year, in this location, there was no such thing as a normal sized or priced house, it was 6k sq foot or a tear down.

On the furniture, yes it’s Wayfair/Facebook/Costco for now and limited to key areas of the house. You can find some great deals there. There’s no need to spend 15k on a couch. There will also be plenty of empty rooms for now.

What does this even mean? Why did you let other peoples house buying decisions even factor into what you were buying? We have 3 kids, do not live in McLean and bought our house for $700,000 9 years ago when we were making $200,000 a year. We are now making $650,000 a year and are still in the same house. Yes we could buy a bigger house but why become house poor? We spend what we want, save for retirement and college, and take nice vacations. Our HHI will most likely also go up in the next 5 years but we still have no plans on selling. Plus we love our neighborhood and our friends here.

So OP should… go back in time? Moron

OP should sell & move to a cheaper house + stop spending $15k/year on furniture & clothes. Oh and who TF needs a 7 bedroom house? I grew up in a family of 5. 3 bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I agree we need to cut down the two shopping expenditures. I’m not the only one with a credit card so it’s not as simple.

The reason I have 1k for furniture is that our house is slowly being furnished. We didn’t move in with much so we are now buying outdoor furniture (porch, patio, deck) and indoor furniture. There’s seven bedrooms, an office, basement theater, etc that look bare without being somewhat furnished. We’re trying to find good deals rather than splurge all at once. We also inherited a large outdoor jacuzzi that needs to be maintained.

The grandparents rather pay for help and pitch in here and there rather than quit their jobs and become full time babysitters. They also refuse to retire.

You seem to think they owe you one or the other.

You might not understand this, but many grandparents actually like their grandchildren, and are willing, able & excited to provide significant childcare.

Well, I don't agree that this is an if/then condition. Our parents love their grandchildren. None of us felt that this love necessitated them providing for them financially. We always figured that was our job, since we're, you know, adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

At dcum it seems as though the majority of folks have a thought process that grandparents money, kids money, and grandkids money are distinct and separate and not to be intermingled as it’s shameful to do so.

It’s not that way in my family. I’ll gladly give my kids a few hundred grand when I’m older if that accelerates their success - to buy their starter house and build equity, start up their first brokerage account, or eliminate the need for them from taking out student loans. This assumes they’re overall successful and won’t waste the money.

Similarly, theres a general understanding in my family that the money will get passed down to me anyway when the parents pass away. Leveraging some of it now to enable my success in life is just a more efficient way to operate and puts me and my kids in a better situation. Again, if I was a bum then I’m sure this wouldn’t be the case.

In return, my parents are free to move in with me anytime or choose to live independently. Everyone lives in McLean anyway so it’s easy enough to drive 5 minutes. My goal is really to find some areas to cut back/ be more efficient in managing my money until I get to the point where I don’t feel house poor because I overspent on my house. I blame the crazy market and where everyone else I know chose to buy more so than myself. Despite this, yes, there is some shame felt.

The optimal situation would be that I make so much money I can do whatever I want and don’t need a dime of help but that is not the case. I overspent on the house to optimize my distance to family, work, childcare, while being in the best school district. While rates were good last year, in this location, there was no such thing as a normal sized or priced house, it was 6k sq foot or a tear down.

On the furniture, yes it’s Wayfair/Facebook/Costco for now and limited to key areas of the house. You can find some great deals there. There’s no need to spend 15k on a couch. There will also be plenty of empty rooms for now.

What does this even mean? Why did you let other peoples house buying decisions even factor into what you were buying? We have 3 kids, do not live in McLean and bought our house for $700,000 9 years ago when we were making $200,000 a year. We are now making $650,000 a year and are still in the same house. Yes we could buy a bigger house but why become house poor? We spend what we want, save for retirement and college, and take nice vacations. Our HHI will most likely also go up in the next 5 years but we still have no plans on selling. Plus we love our neighborhood and our friends here.

So OP should… go back in time? Moron

I am the PP you are calling a moron - no I am not saying go back in time. But I am saying is buy a house you can afford now not in 10 years from now like OP said in her first statement "Our HHI is 400k and will go up to 5, maybe 6 in a few years but not immediately."

We bought a house we could afford - now nearly 10 years later our HHI is much higher than OPs but we aren't buying a $2.5 million house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I agree we need to cut down the two shopping expenditures. I’m not the only one with a credit card so it’s not as simple.

The reason I have 1k for furniture is that our house is slowly being furnished. We didn’t move in with much so we are now buying outdoor furniture (porch, patio, deck) and indoor furniture. There’s seven bedrooms, an office, basement theater, etc that look bare without being somewhat furnished. We’re trying to find good deals rather than splurge all at once. We also inherited a large outdoor jacuzzi that needs to be maintained.

The grandparents rather pay for help and pitch in here and there rather than quit their jobs and become full time babysitters. They also refuse to retire.

You seem to think they owe you one or the other.

You might not understand this, but many grandparents actually like their grandchildren, and are willing, able & excited to provide significant childcare.

Of course. But these grandparents are still working, and OP apparently wants them to either quit to provide childcare, or pay for it, since they won't quit to be the nanny. If you don't see anything the least bit problematic about that attitude, I'm afraid I can't help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

For real. This is why we’ve never taken out a big mortgage. We’ve used our big income to drive out mortgage down. We could take career risks due to easily being able to live and save on one income when needed.

It’s a really nice feeling sitting here at age 45 getting a bit sick of working. I’m not trapped in a guilded cage. As a matter of fact my employer is trying to force be back into the office 3xs a week and I’m dug in refusing more than 1 day. I’m thinking they are welcome to fire me. We are in a Mexican stand off and I’m not backing down. Could never do this if I needed this job to pay my bills.

+1

Goal should always be to try and live off of one income, or mostly off one income. That way if an issue arises you have choices---what if a kid requires a SAHP for medical issues, a parent needs more help, etc. If you are mortgaged to the hilt and require both salaries to stay above water, you don't have choices.

+2, we remained in our tiny s$it shack that should have been a tear down and instead paid off the mortgage last year to be mortgage free. I'd love a bigger, nicer house but the freedom of not having to worry about housing is freeing.

Some of us feel we deserve better than to live in a disgusting home.

Thinking you "deserve" something while determining whether you can afford it really isn't the best approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k may be a third of their take home but taking out such a large mortgage is foolish. It means you are slave to your job and dependent on a high income to maintain your lifestyle. We make the same income and our mortgage is 3500. But we don't have mommy and daddy to bail us out.

For real. This is why we’ve never taken out a big mortgage. We’ve used our big income to drive out mortgage down. We could take career risks due to easily being able to live and save on one income when needed.

It’s a really nice feeling sitting here at age 45 getting a bit sick of working. I’m not trapped in a guilded cage. As a matter of fact my employer is trying to force be back into the office 3xs a week and I’m dug in refusing more than 1 day. I’m thinking they are welcome to fire me. We are in a Mexican stand off and I’m not backing down. Could never do this if I needed this job to pay my bills.

+1

Goal should always be to try and live off of one income, or mostly off one income. That way if an issue arises you have choices---what if a kid requires a SAHP for medical issues, a parent needs more help, etc. If you are mortgaged to the hilt and require both salaries to stay above water, you don't have choices.

+2, we remained in our tiny s$it shack that should have been a tear down and instead paid off the mortgage last year to be mortgage free. I'd love a bigger, nicer house but the freedom of not having to worry about housing is freeing.

Some of us feel we deserve better than to live in a disgusting home.

The problem in a nutshell. Buy what you feel you "deserve" instead of what you can afford.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't believe that my new neighbor, who bought a $1.45m house, had a $7k PITI. My house is worth $1.1, but I bought about 10 years ago for less and my PITI is $2700 after refinancing during covid for 2.375%. I didn't share that as I felt bad for her.

All that's to say that $7k doesn't get you much with the current interest rates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's type of thinking is completely foreign to me. As in, I literally cannot comprehend someone making these kinds of terrible decisions. A 7 bedroom house you can't afford to furnish?

OP may turn out a lot better off financial ten years down the road than many of you who think s/he is stupid. Houses in highly desired DMV area are one of the best investments.

She spends $12,000/year on furniture.

The furniture spending isn’t commensurate with having a nice house. I am calling troll. Even just basic stuff for a large home will be 100k plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I agree we need to cut down the two shopping expenditures. I’m not the only one with a credit card so it’s not as simple.

The reason I have 1k for furniture is that our house is slowly being furnished. We didn’t move in with much so we are now buying outdoor furniture (porch, patio, deck) and indoor furniture. There’s seven bedrooms, an office, basement theater, etc that look bare without being somewhat furnished. We’re trying to find good deals rather than splurge all at once. We also inherited a large outdoor jacuzzi that needs to be maintained.

The grandparents rather pay for help and pitch in here and there rather than quit their jobs and become full time babysitters. They also refuse to retire.

You seem to think they owe you one or the other.

You might not understand this, but many grandparents actually like their grandchildren, and are willing, able & excited to provide significant childcare.

Of course. But these grandparents are still working, and OP apparently wants them to either quit to provide childcare, or pay for it, since they won't quit to be the nanny. If you don't see anything the least bit problematic about that attitude, I'm afraid I can't help you.

DP. You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

I agree we need to cut down the two shopping expenditures. I’m not the only one with a credit card so it’s not as simple.

The reason I have 1k for furniture is that our house is slowly being furnished. We didn’t move in with much so we are now buying outdoor furniture (porch, patio, deck) and indoor furniture. There’s seven bedrooms, an office, basement theater, etc that look bare without being somewhat furnished. We’re trying to find good deals rather than splurge all at once. We also inherited a large outdoor jacuzzi that needs to be maintained.

The grandparents rather pay for help and pitch in here and there rather than quit their jobs and become full time babysitters. They also refuse to retire.

You seem to think they owe you one or the other.

You might not understand this, but many grandparents actually like their grandchildren, and are willing, able & excited to provide significant childcare.

Of course. But these grandparents are still working, and OP apparently wants them to either quit to provide childcare, or pay for it, since they won't quit to be the nanny. If you don't see anything the least bit problematic about that attitude, I'm afraid I can't help you.

The grandparents appear to be offering to pay for childcare.