I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I love my child and don't regret having one but I regularly advise people not to have kids. If there's any doubt, it should be a NO. It's hard enough when you're 100% into it.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have major anxiety and stopped at one. I sometimes think I should not have a kid because my anxiety is so bad. I manage, but knew myself well enough to hard stop.

It has gotten better since he is older but the sleepless nights of sitting with anxiety filled thoughts has traumatized me. Never want to feel this again with another kid. Some people need to stop while ahead or do other things to fulfill them besides kids. I miss just worrying about myself. It’s exhausting caring for kids. I would never recommend kids to anyone, but I am happy for those who truly want and have the capacity to care for them. I’m glad people are talking more and normalizing choosing not to have kids. Just know your limits.

Same exact situation and thoughts I have. Thanks for putting it into words.

[Anonymous]

One and done is the way to go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have major anxiety and stopped at one. I sometimes think I should not have a kid because my anxiety is so bad. I manage, but knew myself well enough to hard stop.

It has gotten better since he is older but the sleepless nights of sitting with anxiety filled thoughts has traumatized me. Never want to feel this again with another kid. Some people need to stop while ahead or do other things to fulfill them besides kids. I miss just worrying about myself. It’s exhausting caring for kids. I would never recommend kids to anyone, but I am happy for those who truly want and have the capacity to care for them. I’m glad people are talking more and normalizing choosing not to have kids. Just know your limits.

But… (and I don’t mean to sound insensitive, this is a serious question based on my own anxiety): how do you cope with the fact that you only have one kid, and if something horrible were to happen…. ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One and done is the way to go!

Are you always this horribly insensitive? Read the room, idiot. The fact that you felt the need to write this on OP’s post tells us everything we need to know about how secure you ACTUALLY feel about your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 typically developing kids and hopefully it will stay this way. Kids are 9, 7 and 4. My kids add a lot of stress to my life for sure. We are very tight financially because we chose private school, i value my alone time and with 3 kids I have very little of that.

I don’t think I have ever regretted having them, but sometimes I fantasize about running away from everyone to teach diving at a diving school in some tropical island. The thought of only having to take care of myself and living in a tropical paradise in a bikini or wetsuit all day, swimming in the water is super appealing to me.

DH knows about it and laughs. He says I would never be happy because teaching diving to a bunch of tourists would have no purpose to me.
He is right. My kids give purpose to my life. I know people find purpose in other ways, but my kids are mine. They are not everything and I enjoy my husband and my job, but without my crazy, loud, spoiled, screaming kids, I would feel utterly empty.

I think I felt this way even before having them so it’s not because I love them.
I realized that having a special need child is something I can’t relate to and perhaps I would feel differently in that case.

This is such a dumb post from a dumb woman.

[Anonymous]

What were your reasons for having them?

[Anonymous]

OP if you didn't have kids you might regret that too. You can't know.

Play the hand you're dealt. Make happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do dislike one child of mine. It's normal. They both have same help and equal things. But I secretly hate one of them. Can't wait for the one to leave

“Hate”? Come on! You are lying or you are a troll… you don’t hate your child. You might find him/her difficult and dislike parts of his/her personality, but you can’t possibly hate a child. And I say this as someone who is quickly admits that I have a child (out of 3) that I like the best.

NP but you can if they have anti social tendencies …

[Anonymous]

NP. Is there a parent in this world that loses a child and is like, "phew! I'm so glad I have the backup!"

[Anonymous]

Not sure if op is real or feels guilty, but while we have a strong biological urge to procreate, children had a very different role for most of humanity than we expect here in the US today. Life was hard before 1950 and young children were expected and needed to pull their weight and essentially be a labor force to help the family grow and procure food, shelter, and basic resources. Not to mention caring for younger siblings. The modern expectation that we put very little responsibility on children and in fact disrupt our lives severely in an attempt to ‘enrich’ their childhood would be unrecognizable to most parents before 1950. I think it’s gotten to the point where it’s made many parents and, frankly, children too, mostly miserable and devoid of purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if op is real or feels guilty, but while we have a strong biological urge to procreate, children had a very different role for most of humanity than we expect here in the US today. Life was hard before 1950 and young children were expected and needed to pull their weight and essentially be a labor force to help the family grow and procure food, shelter, and basic resources. Not to mention caring for younger siblings. The modern expectation that we put very little responsibility on children and in fact disrupt our lives severely in an attempt to ‘enrich’ their childhood would be unrecognizable to most parents before 1950. I think it’s gotten to the point where it’s made many parents and, frankly, children too, mostly miserable and devoid of purpose.

Yes!

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Because having kids is a profound experience equal to none, and people who don’t have it just aren’t the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because having kids is a profound experience equal to none, and people who don’t have it just aren’t the same.

Sorry couldn’t figure out the quote button in the new design.
This was an answer to why I would feel deficient if I didn’t have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have major anxiety and stopped at one. I sometimes think I should not have a kid because my anxiety is so bad. I manage, but knew myself well enough to hard stop.

It has gotten better since he is older but the sleepless nights of sitting with anxiety filled thoughts has traumatized me. Never want to feel this again with another kid. Some people need to stop while ahead or do other things to fulfill them besides kids. I miss just worrying about myself. It’s exhausting caring for kids. I would never recommend kids to anyone, but I am happy for those who truly want and have the capacity to care for them. I’m glad people are talking more and normalizing choosing not to have kids. Just know your limits.

Both my parents had anxiety and I turned out ok. My brother has a little more anxiety (still within the normal range imo) but he is more successful than I am.
It might well be ok!